cherish

2004-02-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

2004-02-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

2004-02-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

((feeling-sick))((spinnin-One Call Away-Chingy))

dang my weekends have been pretty tyte this month...every weekend ive been in the moutians playing in the snow! haha wel afta schol friday headed out with the seniors on there retreat adn went to Alpine MEadow MOuntian Lodge or watever.pretty fun...the retreat is so frikkin of a learning expierance..i learned so much bout myself..dang you guys got to go to the retreat wen u become a senior haha yeah if u dont youll surly regret it later...wel yea i got home from teh retreat and then definite went to sleep haha slept for liek 4 hours then we went to party haha went to nicks house with kelly and celeste then we left and jose picked us up then we went off to joses house.haha partay..wel got there got some drinks and mia and matt and phill came haha chatted with them the night was pretty nice...yaeh wel got home around 1230 and jon called so talked to him fo 30 mins yep..wel yesterday..dang finished my room kinda! finally got a desk haha and a new matress for my bed..yeah so spent all da reorganized my room...yeah...wel my dad wouldnt let me go out last night to see butterfly effect with celeste =[ he says i always go out and im never home..wel im home on the weekdays..geez..lol wel yeah

allen called me..that was a big shock!! i was like dang ahvent talked to you in forever yeah talked for couple hours got caught up! yeah i miss him!! haha wel..i shall write latas..its my day off and i think ima go runnin haha ttyl

2004-02-09T21:05:00.000-08:00

((feeling: great))

dude had one of the best weekends ever! haha
friday jose picked me up and den picked up cel went to juice it up and bagel shop in the mornign haha pretty nice..then got to school and den lunch had a lil party with clara haha NICE then got busted after 5th! DAYMN!!! den after school fuckin off to ARROWHEAD!! dude got picked up in a limo went to starbuck got to gattos loaded and off we went haha jumped out of the car alot haha pretty sure there was flashing from some people! lol yeah wel got there pretty cold! but dude played in the snow SNOWBALL FIGHT then chilled next day..off to snowboarding..fuck my new favorite hobbie! lol i fell in love with it fell in some ice o wel..wel ya after that went back to cabin PARTY BEGAN haha did some shots and drinks got pretty out of it! we were jumping on the bed..or i was doing flip on the bed pretty sure frikkin fell lol it was cool and um talked to chris on the phone haha got us hyped pretty sure got pixs of some nastie shit!! dang all i gotta say is BIC LESBIANS AND SUCK HER haha so funny okay wel went into town and got home around 8 last night..had a blast so many memories pretty tyte...

wel today pretty kickback..i believe i made a wrong chocie... o wel ritoe..gotta move on..yeah wel yeah had a great lunch haha plan on having a great lunch manana =] yeah dang clara GO DOWN THE RIVER GET A FRIKIN BEAVER lol wel im out so byes

2004-02-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

[[feeling-i think im gettin sick!]][[bumping-I Miss You-Blink182]]

today was pretty nice i guess u could say..first kinda sat there and watch FIRE and talked to fred yep yep and 2nd sat there and talked to emily and thrid sat there and sat there and 4th talked to christina bout gay stuff the ferternity dragon my ass then lunch was iight till my bracket broke again!! fuck another 50 dollars of my money down the draIN! THIS SUCKs on one stupid nacho my bracket breaks argh!! den went to stoklee uhm ASSEMBLY pretty tight wel me fred and diana wer like hey lets volunteer not thinking they would actually pick us omg they did SO MAJOR DOW!!! we got up there haha they made us FALL and do push up and shit and then the most funnest thing suicides!! haha get on top of ladder and fall bak TRUSTIN them wel of course ive done it b4 and da guy was like u should go to the top and the lady liek no stay where ure at and the guys liek keep goin and duh i was the one to fall the highest haha pretty nice..wel den after assembly stayed in gym and walked around during 6th after school chilled with fred haha pretty nice met saul yep yep chilled with mia and den went to driving! it was so frikkin hillarious cuz like we got trouble makers in r class haha and there so funny yet they got in major trouble today so r class got delyaed and so fun were learnign bout drinkin next week pretty nice!!

wel now im packing for...ARROWHEAD duh goin snowboarding with my chicas!! haha from friday till sunday night prettty nice im pretty sure ima brake something!! haha but ima miss celeste!! aww yeah u better not have fun this weekend !! yeah wel were suppose to go party and do soem whack things wer goin to try to find some mountian boys haha hopefully gots to find that sadies date lol jk..wel yeah iw anted to go to the show tonight SUCKS cuz my mom was being a jerk so i couldnt go but hollys taking me to the show on wed. so its iight but yea wel i shall go pack cuz i need sleep cuz jose is taken me n cel to juice it up in the morning so yeah..wel laters

MAKE SURE TO CALL MY CELL DURING THE WEEKEND!! love ya tons

2004-02-02T21:18:00.000-08:00

theres still tomarrow forget the sorrow...

[[feeling-ive been better]][[bumping-I Miss You-Blink182]]

[[sometimes it feels like i dont really know whats going on]]

hym..went to (zero) unloaded sat got out early (first) sat there started thinking =oh great= (second) uhm did homework i didnt do (third) thought some more..sucks majorally when you realize the bad parts and then go with the what ifs..i dont know why my cousin was put through that situation a year ago..i guess its life and her baby wasnt meant to meet the world..im tired of listenin to the doctors say "we dont know whats wrong, but were going to need to check up once a week, there a low chance but with your circumstance you never know" fuck mayn...i dont like hiding shit anymore i really dont..and its doesnt help when people say "shes not comign to school today cuz blah blah" daymn its my fuckin business if i wanted you to know i would of told you!! wel yeah i was sittin there and thinking of how my 18 year old cousins first baby couldnt even live ..and how it didnt even have a chance yet i have a chance in life and i hate it iono sometimes i think its pointless, but whatever...(fourth) pretty smooth did work and other homework..(lunch) streesfull but whatever (fifth) eh pretty dull (six) not as bad as i thought it would be..kinda got that priotity lecture and shit..after school no practice thank goodness..went and hung out with jamie watch boys varsity then walked around saw g. softball and b. baseball and boys jv soccer play yep yep walked back up adn talked hehe pretty chill jamie got a virus lol sucker! wel yeah then got home and my dad was making fun of whats his face on the car ride home haha my dad hate micheal pretty sad..then went driving in the rain at 830 pretty chill i liek diring with him i get alto off and he lsitens and has the funniest story! he let me drive in the big puddle dude its was like a waterpark purdy chill now im hoem listenin to lostprophets dude ian! haha hottie..gots to get da cd manana! wel im out ttyl

Watch it pass the day As it fades away No more time to care

<3 02.04.03 <3

2004-01-31T16:50:00.000-08:00

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give xblackndstarx more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

[Callin it: ..dead like me...]
[Feelin- iight]
[Bumpin- I Miss You- Blink 182]
[wishin- for some fun]
[Wanting: some fun!]
[Lazin in: jeans and shirt =]
[QuotE: i hope you think of me when your heart break and again when you pull the trigger .]

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

pretty nice day..woke up got some eggos did some chores took a nap cleaned my room took a hot shower..now bout to go partay and do wat i do every weekend (says jimmy lol)..pretty chill...wel yeah guess i best be bouncing outta here..

haha angela tellin me she doesnt want to lOSe me haha frikin prick ..lol
imaSEXIC: haha this is my sorry for you
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha wtf?
imaSEXIC: you know its like staying out to late and ahving too much to drink and then u r ending up getin raped!!
imaSEXIC: haha cant lose my seXey lover, so im SORRY forever haha
x bLaCknDstaR x: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

haha this ish jimmy callen me a hoe haha nice
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahahahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: den go out there lil cowboy and get it lol
ALEXISONFIR3: guess i gotta go to ur house
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha r u callen me a HOE!
ALEXISONFIR3: yes
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

2004-01-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..what a day...]
[Feelin- iight]
[Bumpin-Away From Me-Puddle Of Mudd]
[wishin- freedom!!]
[Wanting: loves]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt =]
[QuotE: Im a strong girl. keepin everything in line..even with a tear runnin down my cheek i always manage 2 say im fine .]

wat a day hahaha

woke up went to general council pretty nice..then uhm first haha it sucks cuz im actually learning omg for once i did my homework WITHOUT copying haha daymn thats wat sitting in the front row does to you! okay went to senora bitch i ahte that class not much to say 3rd was iight learnin gi guess i actually do my homework by myself and he doesnt collect it! fuger! okay went to eich so fucking awesome!! eichen was basically letting me use and play with my phone!! haha NICE!! yeah i was sending him pictures through email and he was amazed i could do it on my phone so yeah and hym went to lunch wel actually went to NHS meeting took soo daymn long...denate and i was liek choking haha cuz i cant eat cuz of my teeth and while im adjusting Mr alex was riote by r table haha smile..okay...den hym stoklee I HATE HER!!! URGH SUSPEND ME IF U WANT BUT SHES SOOOO MEAN!! okay i wanted to use the bathroom i really needed to use it and she was like u always go everyday u ask and i always let you soo no and im liek WTF no i dont i ask and u always say no and she and i are argued so i sat there and didnt talk or ddo any of her work cuz shes a bioth yeah wel watever shes a walrus and a horse mouth mix together!!!! ok then went to cheer class..fundamentals in cheer stretched...cheered...meeting..yeah bascially got wa u CANT do in uniform...lets put it this way..only where UNIFORM...NO BOYS...NO PDA...NO ASSOCIATING..haha pretty funny but manana is like r last game =[ wel for a LONG time..so yeah den after cheer went to go see wa track is all about haha just havent figured out how to roc i joined but should be a fun experiance cuz im doing it wit mrs celeste haha so yea ..wel after that chileld with jonathan and jimmy..yeah took the home as the squished me in the back seat!! meanasses yeah then went to behind the wheel...

SO FUCKING AWESOME drove on the freeway today PRETTY NICE!! yeah A+ driver riote here..lol wel yeah went driving then driving class den now im here so yeah i shall take a shower and ttyl

2004-01-26T18:35:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..hym...]
[Feelin- confused]
[Bumpin-Away From Me-Puddle Of Mudd]
[wishin- to go back]
[Wanting: loves]
[Lazin in: sweat pants and hollister shirt =]
[QuotE: Im a strong girl. keepin everything in line..even with a tear runnin down my cheek i always manage 2 say im fine .]

i found out soo many interesting thigns today!

okay first! OMFG THERE MAKING ME SIT IN THE FRONT ROW in CHEM!! im soo mad me and fred were are we sitting! IN THE FUCKING FRONT ROW!! SUCKS SOOO MUCH!! so now we sit there and get r grades ..grrr walked out wit a B haha yay!

went to 2nd pretty okay...new seating chart but im in the same seat thank goodness! yah chilled wit jolene haha

i hate pre calc! urgh pisses me off..how he collects everything and den URGH doesnt tell us hes collecting it that day!! so now i lost like 40 points to my old grade so wa my grades a D NOW!! pisses me off i failed the final literalyl on stupid errors!! i would of at least got a C if i payed attention shit whatever my over grade w/o the things he colelct is a C...w/e now i got to drop asb or cheer..hym i wonder..how bout the one they dont pay money for

fourth-pretty kickback..lots of laughs..Uhm the broken heart looks like there making out haha nice...yeah got the new rules i myte have1st lUnch every friday! cuz eichen hates having 2nd lunch so hes liek yeah weyll prolli have to change it soemtimes haha ScORE!. and he forgot his gradebook so no grade just yet

fifth-okay boring sat there talked about WW1 oh joyous!! yeah she didnt even grade r finals so i cant get a grade yet grr i turned in my essay though muahaha

6th haha COOper was r sUB! haha yeah den carmel came geez ruin teh fuN!! wel i was sitting there and we were making jokes about ALEXIA haha yeah i was liek oh shit waterbroke and then we got in trouble for laughin w/e went out aside and April was taking pixs for the yaer book so we had to PRETEND we r a happy bunch and do stunts and shit omfg wat a FAKE yeah wel april camera was on r stunt group the most haha it was soo funny cuz the other groups wer trying ot get pictures but yet all there bellys were showing liek BIG TIME haha and of course no bellys r to be shown so shall b interesting and den varsity thoguht they were big shots wen r stunt went up and there didnt and didnt call bring down shit we stood up there and then i was liek thanks for callen it i sware..no respect coming from that end..be queit..HOW BOUT U GUYS BE QUIET!! yeah whatever..im over it den we had no practice haha whoo hooo...yeah

wel after school pretty tyte OMG I GAVE TEH BIRD TO EICHeN! it was SOOOO FUNNY!! okay he was talking to Jay and them and playin his guitar and den im liek stop playin u cant play and hes liek "hey girls symbolism!" [that wat wer learning in class] and then FLIPS ME OFF! and im like "Hey GOD ALLegoire" (cuz wer learning that in class) and i flip him off!!! hahahahahah sooo funny i flipped off god..going to hell..lol yeah then me and holyl kicked back walked around played the guitar and other insturments and kciked it with whoever was around now im home and my dads showing us pixs of his trip and yeah wel ...i shall ttyl

2004-01-25T18:56:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..so now what...]
[Feelin- confused]
[Bumpin-Away From Me-Puddle Of Mudd]
[wishin- to go back]
[Wanting: loves]
[Lazin in: dance pants and a sweatshirt]
[QuotE: ..i had fallen head ova heel..and i cant get up i dont want to get up.]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Love..Such a many splended thing?
No
Love is your heart on fuckin drugs
________________________________________________________________

Im a strong girl. keepin everything in line..even with a tear runnin down my cheek i always manage 2 say im fine

--
being in love means you want that person to be happy, even if them being happy means not being with you
--
"Who do you turn to, when the only person who can stop you crying, is the exact person who is making you cry?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

today was okay..heh first weekend wer i actually dont have a story to tell! yeah shock..wel it was okay had alot to think about..yesterday jsut went to hollys den to dennis....yep kicked back..came home talked on the phone..today was iight talked to mr ryan and got some feedback..yep....cant trust friends anymore nopes...

2004-01-24T13:23:00.000-08:00

feeling: just dandy
chatting: nobody!
Quote:If you're asking if i need you, the answer is forever.If you're asking if i'll leave you, the answer is never.If you're asking what i value, the answer is you.If you're asking if i love you, the answer is I i do

********************************************************************
hym its saturday morning...my dads coming home...lol in less then an hour...so got an hour to do watever yeah wel finalyl finals are over and i noe liek 4 grades out of my 7 classes haha i passed my chem final!! lol! yeah i walked out of that class with a B nice!! and den i raised my spanish grade from a C- to an A- fucking awesome!! haha yeah and of course A's in asb in cheer..easy lol otherwise thank god finals are over! yeah its been a long week...

iono kinda confused about friendships and the whole boy issues whatever..i was meant to feel like this u noe..my lifes a whole repeat...so whatever..im over it

wel yeah last nigth was pretty chill...went to cheer..omg 2nd game LOST MY VOICE!!! daymn that game was like yer on the edge of yer seat yep yep...o great..wel den went home and cel and hol and trisa came over and chilled for awhile and den jose picked us up and went to juice up...and den went to his house chileld wit his brother some pretty hillarious shit..and watch the ring and halloween..yep yep then came home went to bed now im here tryign to find something to do tonight i have driving today! yep wer actually going to drive on the crowded streets haha nice!!! and tuesday i get to drive the freeway..yeah only 5 months!! alrite wel im out....

2004-01-22T15:36:00.000-08:00

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hym today..pretty tight...woke up couldnt find my skirt =[ so i wore shorts =] uhm wen to school got tutored in some chemistry lol...went to first got Krispy kremes! lol yum uhm did iight on chem final..i think...den went to pre calc..pretty okay i guess he put meeh in the corner!! seriously like i was on tiem out to take the final!! pretty weird staring at the wall in front of u and to the side of you! yeah kinda did iight on that final..went to lunch fucking croweded as hell...but gots to sit in the sun whoot yeah didnt buy lunch cuz didnt want to stand in lines! yeah went to wrld history..pretty ok final was iight sat there and wrote letters...yep yep...after school urgh my mom like picked me up on time fuck i wanted to stay and talk to people but whatevers...got home and been watching tv..got to get a move on and read those books for eichen and uhm...study for my driving mid term test tonight ..

oh mayn hym i was talkin to my "fruit" haha yeah me n her r startig to talk now and we were talking bout like people boys in general and i came to realize that i dont noe what the hell i want ne more..and wen it comes to guys i get jealous easliy especially wen a friend does that backstabbing shit...fuck u aint got it so u mind as well stoP!!!..wel yeah i guess its nothign new cuz i always lose a guy cuz of one of my friends..but watever iono im confused

yeah wel one more da of finals and then those grades all erase and we start a new semester..thank god..wel im out..

bUTTerFly EffeCT!! MANANA Must SEE!!

2004-01-21T18:00:00.000-08:00

today al and all aws a pretty good day =]

i woke up around 300! yeah looked at the rain and went back to sleep and den woke up at 645 got dressed and left for asb..asb was iight did a self assesment..yeah den off to first so fuckin tyte!...iight for one thing FUCK the smartasses in r class cuz all the answers came from the cheerleaders and bball players so all u can suck it wel if u dont noe today we went to mr marquez class to play jeoparys olsens calss vs his class...haha mrs olsen wanted to bet..so she better if our class one mr marquez would have to buy us breakfast manana..wel..haha we won like 3000 to 1000..haha nice..so we get breakfast manana!! yum doughnuts and hot chocOlate!! yeah wel then she gave us are test back and are grades i got a C on test!! Im SOOO happie haha shut up ok wel she alo gave us grades as in if if we fail the final what r grade would be wel my reg grade is a B so i i dont take the test it would b a C so no matter what i pass the class!! yep yep wont have to quit cheer or asb! nice went to 2nd uhm did the :Listening: part of r final..cept mrs edge thought i was cheating!!! so she made me remove my sweatshirt!! can u believe that.how the fuck can i cheat on a listening section! no sense!! okay wel went to 3rd crabbie wasnt there!! haha i finally literally learned soemthing in that class!! nowi noe wel at least ill pass the final..haha wit a C or higher! haha yeah wel then lunch got soem nACHoS haha nice new thing now! yeah kinda chilled at lunch ...wel then went to english and wrote letters and uhm pretend to read! and stoklee kinda learned thigns her final should b easy yeah 6th okay let just say for the self assenment in cheered i spoke my mind so wer prolli goin to have to get in one of those meetings cuz i literally said how backstabbing the squads are and like how i felt and why ill never be respected as a captain since my squad doesnt want me as one..wel yeah spoke my mind and so did gracie..yep yep kinda felt better after it aLmost cried! lol joking wel den stayed after school whoopppie and den oof to driving!!! omg i drove for an hour in the streets today soOo much fun haha fuckin passed yeah alex is cool soo open can tell him nething yep yep..wel get to go driving on saturday and then on thrs get to go on the freeway..cant wait =] okay wel my daddy is coming home on saturday..great kinda feels like we can live w/o him no drama!! lol jk he Caught liek a 200 pound fish twice! thats fuckin awesome so his pic on a website nd everything! but yeah so he shall b in a good mood...

wel neways i shall talk later got to study fo dose finals!!

2004-01-20T21:20:00.000-08:00

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
where is love when there are tears running down yur cheeks and im gone. where is love when im pouring my veins into the world. its nothing and everything at the same time. it brings me so much pain yet i cant live with out it. i wake up in a dazed stated and the sun shines through my glass window was it a dream all along? no it was real my window is still stained with blood in ur name and im lying in a pool. i wont ever wake to this again i'll shut my eyes and hope to never see the light of day again
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

2004-01-20T17:44:00.000-08:00

today:

okay i started out the day positive saying...melissa your goin to have a good day..wel didnt work..

was late asb..oh whoopie te doo
in chem i know i failed my indvidual/aprtner test...
in spanish-ok act liek i noe how to put my words in past tense!! failed part of the final!
in pre calc- holy shit FAILED (LITERALLY) my SAT test and Chapter 2-4 test...yikes my grade prolli goes from and 84%-to a 74%!!! i hate that class!!
lunch- it was iight grubbed haha cept some people kinda felt like i was invisible..but w/e
enGlish-okayu hm..didnt do much got all are work back yikes maybe i should really study for vocab test haha
in world history- OK THANKS CHRISTINA haha those answers wer wrong!! i got a D on stoklees test!! lol thanks god it only dropped my grade one percent so no i have an 89.9!!
in cheer- uhm did nothing but cheer and RUN!! haha we had runnin test of are final today..manana is a self assentment test..o yay
cheer practice00did fuckin nothing but talk!! okay like me n fred start making up some nasty cheers haha nice!! and den hedi is like ""Who out of JV is a Virgin" haha fuck..all of them got on r asses..and den freshmen and varsity was like hol up...yeah pretty interesting haha it was funny though we were talkin bout poppin cherrys and shit,....wer so open in cheer.. lol

then fter school just kicked omg phils car is soooo nice its talks!! haha yeah and stupid jOSE URGH u werent suppose to say a daymn thing goin to kill you!! yeah wel phil drove us across the street he wouldnt let me drive!! haha next time!! okay yeah wel now im off to driving school oh joy!! and tomarrow i get to go out driving with mr alEX...yeP but nope my mom didnt let me practice!! haha so yay..

now i get to go see...SEXSI BOBBY!!! whoot whoot wel ill try to take a pix =] yep yep

wel love ya guys mucha!!

2004-01-19T16:01:00.000-08:00

feeling- awesome!
listenin to -brand new
chatting with- shannon and celeste
quote-
lIve lIFe to fuckin fullest

omfg!! haha FINALLY IT LETS ME SIGN ON!
___________________________________________________________________
well hym..i just read some blogs and since im like a week late heres some responses..

okay fo one thing...i just wanted to noe if u wer really talking shit behing my back!! thats it all u had to say was no or yes and i aint going to say who told me becuase thats wrong on my behalf..and another thing is ive never said shit that u told me to other people..i already told u im done talkin bcuz there really is no point to it and dont be down all the time cuz u do have people that love you just sometimes i think u dont want to be around me..but otherwise..i aint mad just wanted an answer and i wasnt talken shit..iight dones
___________________________________________________________________

haha iight i had one of thes best weekends i learned soo much this past week..i cant really explain it all due to i dont really remember nethign but ill share my lovely weekend!!

ok friday- it was a pretty okay day i guess u can say? i got to schol failed the chem test lol and den da rest of the day was pretty kick 6 period rolled along..figured out some fact form ppl got to talk to some ppl that i thought wer like mad at mea nd im happy ot neo wer friends again =] wel den after school of course we had to cheer..mr eichen decieded to tell lovette bout my status in his class..kinda got a lecture from lovette..wel watever the first game was iight and den 2n game was a bummer..wel after half time at least..iono if you guys dont wanna listen to me then i wont say a word! u guys are all like oh whats wrong..why arent u hyper..wel mayb cuz u guys dont even give a fuck..so w.e i guess i left the game and got my stuff and the fun began!! haha its like 8ish and i get the car with jose celeste kelly and melissa and we got to my house to change and then off to melissas house..we get there and chill and den bryan walks through the door and den we get some Del Taco and den we get bak to melissas eat and then CHRISTIN AND JOSH come omg SO HILLARIOUS!! i couldnt stop laughin there sooo funny!!! haha they were talkin bout melissa dog cuz hes a killer lol and shit and den like they left and we left as well we went to JErs house but he was a at savon wel we get to savon total waste of time so we go to robbies house haha and den caught up with phil danny chris robbie and den we chill outside and laugh its was soo funny the shit people dont noe wa they do wen der drunk nice stories!! haha and den its got to be like 1230 ish so melissa gets in joses car and like we all jump in and melissa yellin at jo0se to let her drive us home haha soo funny and den robbies all mooning us..lol nice..okay wel den melissa drove joses and me kelly and celeste all home and den got home and went to catch some zZz's

ok wel next morning wake up at 7 and off to pick up celsete! were we going?? to biG bear!! haha hoping to catch some snow!! haha wel we get there and theres no snow! lol so funnt we go to "RIM OF THE WORLD HIGH SCHOOL" haha to watch my brother wrestling tounrey..lol and den uhm got to some heavy weight! so gross den me and ceslte go on an adventure and we go into the mountains haha got lost!! lol took some pictures went rock climbing played with the branches and logs haha so fun went down the tunnerl slide carved are names in trees lol wel we go and get some burger king..and den head back home..haha we go to the edge of the world and look at the pretty sceanary!! and den off we goo haha slept the car ride home and den get home do my hair and off we go again! wel my madre dropped us off at joses house aorund 5 and den we get tehre and kelly melissa evan robbie and evan are there already gone so we get started on ar enight full of fun =] (sorry all promises i made are now broken) and den we palyed some cards and den ppl started coming haha the night was hillarious okay wel we stop by stephs house..okay i felt so not welcomed as it was and i didnt even noe anyone so we left..wer drving down the hill and we see this guy on the wrong side of the road!! haha soo funny and we thought we were drunk! lol ok so we get back and omfg there were like at least 20 ppl outside!! so like ppl the werent invited were all fightin with them haha cept the girls had to stay inside! wel we threatened to call the police and they all left haha nice so we get in and do some more fun watch some tv and chill and den go get some carls Jr wit robbie nd gets pretty late and everyone starts to leave around 1ish wel hell no we aint haha me celeste melissa kelly and i are of course spinnin the night!! slumber party at joses..so around 1ish we all jump on the bed and den phil danny tim mason and all of them come home we were sitting on the couch waiting and den dey had to leave and den me and kelly watch some tv and den go into the room and watch some resident evil and fall asleep around 3-4 haha nice..woke up jumped on jose and cel and den bugged him to take us out to breakfast haha we went to wendys yum! haha gotta numba 1! den got back to joses ate and cleaned and den sat and chilled and talked haha and den robbie calls wanting to go ot the movies so we all go home and get ready...

me and cel get home and we do my chores and clean and watch some "just married" and den robbie comes to pick us up..haha we get in and den off to pick up laura..den we went to pick up kelly and melissa and den off to puente we go..we walked around and shopped had some laughs haha "the viberating catapiller" and den we went to eat at thje food court lol nice..so L&Ls and pRetZEls ! haha den jose came adn we went to go watch My baby DaddY! haha so stoopid wel we get in and 5 mins before the movies is over of course someone pulls the fuckin FIre AlarM! an d of course wer all yellin refund and shit adn no one is moving cuz of course there no fuckin fire..would b sad if there was cuz we would of died haha so we wait for like 8 mins and the movies starts up again..and den movie over and we start heading to the car..and den we go to lauras house and she gettin bathign suits cuz wer goin swimmin haha in the cold..so we all go an den go to kellys house and den we go to the pool..lol wel me n cel didnt go cuz of course..wit kelly melissa and laura boobs..there no way in helli would fit in there bikinis..lol so wer sitting in the pool with kelly laura melissa robbie and jose get all the shit said and chillen and den bryan and terek come and den lance dayna gabe and devin roll in we chat and shit and den time to go..lol partys over..so me and cel go wait outside and den we leave...

one of the best fuckin weekends in the whole world..now its monday..and my comps been broken so its all good now since its fixed =] yeah and den uhm i noe tommarow goin to be different cuz i noe some ppl are hating on me o wel..w/e i made my chocies and im happy with them..i now have likea new bunch of friends haha nice and to add that i got to learn alot..yeah..and got to get fat since all i ate was junk food haha nice!!

2004-01-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

A Girls First Time
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
hes gentle like he promised hed be
He looks deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before
His coolsmile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
more room for an easy
entrance You begin to plead and beg him to hurry
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as lit! tle pain as
possible. As he presses
closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinkin' ?
PERVERT
I know what you were thinking!

first week back

feeling: tired, aching, sick!
bumping: Brand New- Quiet THings noone ever noes
quote: wasting my words on lowercases and capitals

okay its been a pretty crazy week...i didnt really get a chance to write cuz the system was down for me so heres my week:

monday: ah first day of school...geez its wass iight...i got to see people yay..but then i had to deal with the whole..school shit..i cant really remember anything but all i know is urgh i hate eichen and his gay theory on essays!! i sware i hate rewritign the same ssay 3 times!! but this one he said i had ot sit down with him so he can explain..grr..okay wel then after school we had a game..yeah w/e back to cheer haha..okay then after the game kinda chilled with the homies adn then my dad and mom came to pick me n my bro up and off we go to san diego!..yiek it took us 2 hours to get there just to drop off my dad since hes going on a fishing trip for a whole month..the joy =] ok wel then we went to taco bell in san diego yumm and dne off we go tback home took two hours to get home and i didnt get home till liek 12 at night!! wel i got home went to bed and den yeah

tuesday: okay so bascialyl was a usual days...had wrestling after school..and just kinda hung around...

wednesday: my birthday haha okay..wel i woke up and uhm..felt the same did the usual and got to school and i almost felt like crying iono why wel diana adn the freshmen said happy birthday and den like around b4 1st the cheerleaders all came poundering in with happy birthdays and gifts and den asb finally noticed it was my bday so yeah den my friends and den off to first..yeah say there laughin nd usualy wit mia and fred then off to 2nd. and den yeah came lunch and i ate like 2 of my 5 cakes..lol thanks you ...i think there tellin me to get fat..wel then the day went on and yeah after school i hung out with emily and meliinda..cuz my friends had games or they went somewhere with other people so i was like...okay...and den we kidna watched some bball and soccer and den hung wit the freshmen and den uhm....my mom picked me up and we went to get some taco bell..den i went home and was online...from like 5-11 and just yeah..iono wasnt one of my best birthdays but w/e cant go back and redo it so thanks foeveryone who cared loves yahs..

thrs: okay wel lets see...school was uhm usual...did watever..uhm afterschool i kicked it with the cheerleaders cuz we had gay practice..and it sucked cuz we couldnt practice cuz fred wasnt there so it was bascially a waste of my time!! so after practice we kidna jsut hugn aorudn till the wrestlin match...the match uhm haha no one wrestled for JV cept one person i talked with the 3 hoes and some other freshmen folks and den kinda went to driving school..and den fred told me she wasnt goin to b in school on friday,,that were i got pist ? why! cuz WE dont have a fuckin backbase for are routine the was jsut frikin learned!! sucked..wel went to drivin school..sat aroudn..and went home and ate in n out and den talekd to mia on the phone and den went to bed..

friday: urgh worst day in my life almost..okay 6 am call..got to school at 6 am..did watever for the rally ..7 am comes adn ihear the vocie of heidi telling us that sicne fred isnt here that ALL OF MY STUNTS ARE CUT FROM TEH ROUTINE i was soooo mad cuz that means we bascially wasted are fuckin time doin nothing!! okay so the put us in some gay positions..watever ill remember that next time around..so fuck are routine wasnt even frikin good at practice..we didnt no were to go the sweet vocies of varsity yelling at us..okay wel the school day began and first i had to deal wit frikin so called best friends yellen adn talkin shit for no fuckin reason and den first period came took a quiz and listen to mrs olsen talk how much she hates cheerleaders and basketball players! w/e ok so the day oges on and its time to get out for the rally..we go practice for the rally..still looks liek shit and then the rally begins..wel i had to particpate in the gimme gimme game cuz wel..im soph vp didnt want to be all yeah so i did that and den off to are performance..wel w/e got through wit it ryte? ok den we had 2 lunches nice..i needed that until Booge took my cell phone away from me!! i was liek wtf and den she answer my phone wen my mom called later on and so urgh my mom was all mad that my phone got tooken away..wel then went to 5th adn i slept..yeah or napped watever and den off to 6 and wel b4 6 period my EX best friend told me he didnt want to be my best friend wel watever i hope u enjoy having your GIRLFRIEND as you fucking best friend and then i went to cafeteria bascially did nothin cuz we didnt have a teacher..then came after school i talked with jamie till like are games began ok to Varsity games back to back..ohh joyy...wel the game started and like...i had to sdit wit the freshmen cuz wat there faces took my seat!! so i sat with them and talked with christina okay mayn i learned alot shit and heard alot shit that made me URGH k wel then half tiem comes along..heh it came out same as rally..ok wel den 2nd game starts and hear the nerve of varsity captains telling US that were not cheering made me pist..wel then half time comes..ARE PERFORMANCE GOT FUCKED UP!! they didnt play the beg of are music..so are stunts didnt go up and stunts FELL omg it was soo mebarassing..wel i went outisde to eat wit the cheerleaders and den cheered and den heidi told me and sorriyah about how were not cheereing adn i yelled at heidi to go watch her own fuckin squad cuz we r cheer are loudest..and she looked at me and sat down..and den den end of game came around and i went to christina cuz she wasnt finished tellin me a story and den jamie got all mad at us iono..w/e your probably reading this..wel iono wat we did to get you all mad and you could of at least told us u were mad in the first place..ok wel then the after party..i didnt want to realyl tlak to anyone so trisa and holly we went in the gym and stayed there for liek 3 hours talking about all kinds of thigns..got alot of things out ..and den came home watched tv and slept ..

now today woke up at 2! okay listened to amanda and stephi guest list and celeste is tellin me to party tonight heck i need it..yeah and im in sooo much ache and pain..and i dont feel good.(aint nothing new havent felt good for like 2 weeks!) ..okay wel all i can say about this week i guess i learned alot about myself and others...

i didnt noe some people would stoop down sooo low and talk behind my back about shit thats NEVER going to happen...FUCK If you odnt want to be my friend then fine i dont want to be your if your goni to act the way or a fuckin girlfriend be my guest i aint goin to p0ut up with it and we u guys arent together i wont e tehre anymore so you fuckin ruined it for yerself! fuck and to the girlfriend...yeah thanks for thinking all the shit you thought..i thoght me n u were clsoe but i guess u wer only talking to me and bascialyl making sure i dont do shit cuz i was yer boyfriends best friend ..and to asnwer your questions u dont need to worry bout shit cuz now yer life will b better cuz u wont have to worry bout me even talkin to him ne more ..so r the both of you happy now?

iono friends are there for you wen u least expect it i guess..i guess u cant always count on the same friend eing there and i really appreciate it wen people i barly talked to or may have shut down were tehr for me this week love ya mucha..

iono this year goin to be different..i can already tell................

2004-01-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

feeling: urgh
chattin: shannon
quotes: take this blade to my wrist..
__________________________________________________________________

miserie is so butyful? heh watever..okay uhm..today was ..the last day of winter break!! tears! im not looking forward to the next 6 months..nope nope i barly made it the first 4 months! iight almost half way there ..yikes then wer juniors haha nice..anyways today i spent my last day wakin up at like 1..playing with my phone and den doing chores then talkin online most of the day then jonathan called and i talked to him for an hour in half or so and den ate some snacks and den came back and emily called haha nice den i had to eat dinner den i took a shower then i came onlline..wa a last day!! yeah wel hrm as i was lookin online iw as omg here i go..lookin for a job..haha why..cuz i need money badly! lol and since ill be 16 on wednesday better to start of early..but yeah..this year goin to be really hectic sinc ei already pile myself wit enough stress and now that i have driving class on tues nd thrs it sucks cuz i cant do the fun stuff nemore haha wel ne hoo..im kinda mad ryte now..long story..but w/e im listenin to meeh static lullaby cd and its brining down my urghness haha (thanks holly) yeah and my throat hurts from yellin okay yea wel lets recap this winter break haha...

it started off pretty slow grounded from like the 17th till 23rd...so i kinda stayed home but hell that wasnt goin to stop my winter break wel i got over the fact of bein depressed and went out ..went out to partys..haha or bascially went to joses kickbacks..mets new people and now gots a whole bunch new friends..got some amigos to party with and uh yeah with..ok well got the habit of doin things poeple dont want me doing but watever..had my wat 3rd experiance last weeked? haha nice never thought someone u liked for like a year and then be in the position in a friendship with that person yeah..wel went out almost everyday from goin to soccer games to the mall..yeah bascially saw celsete everyday haha went to LA to go shopping..hell the fashion district =] yeah didnt buy a daymn thing spent are times at the mall lookin fo some guys haha den new years was eh haha alot of laughs alot of grins..but w/e got ot travel around haha and spend the new year wit my amigos =] yeah wel gots a permit so now i can drive in 6 months..and yeah had a surprise party throw for me..aww i love my friends wel..one of the best winter breaks i guess u could say..dont regret a thing and i think i really needed that 2 weeks off...it came just in time...=]

wel im out see u guys manana..thats the only part im lookin forward too

2004-01-04T00:49:00.000-08:00

Feeling: GREAT =D
chating: miz Emily and veronica
quotes: My friends are fucking awesome !

okay wel lets talk bout this day..so i get home from the can place with my dad being all anal and den seems liek my dad calmed down and he deiceded and said lets go to dinner i was liek since wen do we got out to dinner...so i went ot my room did homework cuz he said he had to watch the game and im liek why is the game so important wel yeah 730 rolled around and my dad takes me ot acapulco and im like since wen do we go to acapulco and i walk in and omfg i see cheerleaders im like daymn cheerleaders haha and den everyone was liek surprise omfg..a urprise party for me i was like shocked and wanted to cry..never thought people cared that much..wel look through room and saw faces of...holly celeste jamie grace friederike gatto veronica jonathan tony vince and den jessica albert and santos walked through the door and we ate and took picture and chilled and den liek did the happybday song and den wtf..i back away from the cake..cuz u noe they always hit u wit the cake so i went to go talk to my buddy vince and o geez here comes gatto she got me wit cake so i got rest room clean up and den im sittin talkin to jessica and here comes santos with cake in my face and then on top of that jonathan throw his cake on my face!!!..bastards!! haha joikin so we clean up and den dey tell me to open gifts..aww u guys dont got to get me shit!! wel i opened them up Didnt break a ribbon!! haha wel then we all kicked back and who walks in the door? mr nate and anthony!! geez haha so wer all laughing and having a good time and doing watever and den celeste said were going to victors house as part 2 of my surprise cuz i havent seen victor in what..forever!!! and its his real birthday today..so yeah as we got kicked out of accapulco i took all my 50 balloons and went outside to say goodbyes to da ppl who were still der and den talk some more waiting for there rides to come..and den i go off to victors house with celeste and joantahn we get there and see his brother...his brother has gotten cute!! mayn hes goin to be a heartbreaker! yeah wel we got there and mr victor is sittin in his jucussi wit his friends haha nice ..yea we chatted and stayed for like an hour and den said are goodbyes and went to jonathans house to watch some movies =] yep some movie that didnt even make sense!! haha yeah wel afetr that my mommy came pick m eup and now i think ima eat all the left overs no one ate! haha yeah aww im soo happy now...the people that i havent seen in forever..jessica tony vince nate anthony albert...aww geez made me happy and den to see everyone made me happier =] thanks you guys or evryone that was involved love ya mucho..wen i thought my birthday was going to suck this year my friends and family made it even better =P
yeah

thank yous gatto, gracie, jamie, christina, vince, familia, holly fo the gifts =] u didnt really have to get me anything!!

ill have online photos later of it..so for now hasta pasta!

2004-01-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

haha told you guys it was meant to be =]

Ashton Kutcher
meant to be melissa and ashton! muahaha

What Celebirty are you going to MARRY?!(14 outcomes with pics for anyone)
brought to you by Quizilla

daily laughs...
SwT singing PnaY: like i was looking through all these things
SwT singing PnaY: and im like hmMm is that melissa?
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol
x bLaCknDstaR x: aw people thought bout me!!
x bLaCknDstaR x: awww!
SwT singing PnaY: well duuuuuuuh
x bLaCknDstaR x: =]
SwT singing PnaY: i spent like 2 hours thinking about you
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahaha dont tell eric he myte get jealous haha

x bLaCknDstaR x: haha otay geez ithink i gained like frikin 10 pounds!
x bLaCknDstaR x: fat mama here
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha
SwT singing PnaY: whatever
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol for reaLZ
SwT singing PnaY: dang i wish i could gain something
SwT singing PnaY: everything goes to my feet!
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha yer feet??
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha yeah iono
SwT singing PnaY: its the only thing thats been growing
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol thats weird yer feet all poppin out of yer shoes
SwT singing PnaY: nah uh
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol
x bLaCknDstaR x: muahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: jk jk

haha nice times

2004-01-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

eh ive been feeling sick all week =[....iono why...but it sucks cuz its not like any other frikin flu!! cuz its comes and goes and if im sittin still it hurts the most..argh..and its also weird cuz ive been eating alot and eating is not effecting it so urgh i hope it goes a way soon...watch wen u see me...im tellin u i gained at least 5 -10 pounds..lol

wel that was my complaint today...iono things are weird nowadays..but owell..wel i jsut got from the can place..tyte seeing bulldozers pick up pld raquety things and us throwing are cans in the cans muncher and get 20 bucks for cans..lol nice..wel im bored and i dont feel good so ima prolli go to sleep and do some more dumass homework..hey i got through chapter 1-5 for cornell notes for chemisrty haha just got like 7 chapters left! fuck thats wa i get for sayin..ill jsut do them during winter break haha bad me i know...wel i shall talk to laters

2004-01-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
____________________________________________________________________

feeling- great =D
bumpin- dunno
chattin w/ - jonathan
quote-

dude guess what time i woke up..fuckin 7 o clock..i was soo mad at my mom for wakin me up..frick mayn..she turned on my bright light!! and i was sittin there hiding under my covers for like 5 mins thinking i can get a way wit it then my dad comes in telling me to get up! urgh...ok so i frikin get up change clothes refresh make-up and go sit on the couch..i was hungry and tired and my mom called me a sour puss..i was like wtf i wouldnt be one if you didnt wake me up..wel then we were off..and guess wer we are going..to the frikin salon to get a hair cute at 8 in da morning! how gay..wel i went an sat for liek 30 mins watching this lady cut this gilrs hear and omfg the girls loooked like the beast/geek thats in arehistory class the giant? OMG i couldnt even look at her..haha wel anyways..it was my turn and i sat there and i told her i didnt care wa she did with my hair..cuz i really dont..so she took off 1 1/2 inches haha and den layered it or its in the beginin stages at least..wel yeah my hair ish shorter then the last itme u guys saw me so tytes..anyways she cutted it and watever and den sehs like ill straighten it for you..so she dried it and striaghtened it and that took forever cuz i got so much hair in her wrods "you have enough hair for 7 people" haha watever...wel then we were done and i told my mom iwas hungry and seh was like wel ill make u something when i get home..and im like wait u wake me up and dont feed me decent food!!! lol yeah..wel got home ate some french toast did my justice essay and im on the verge of doing some more homework..geez only what one more night to party and one more day to be lazy then its school! DAYMN then FINALS..fuck haha wel my plan for the day..
homework..sleep...go out with the dicks...so laters

2004-01-02T23:57:00.000-08:00

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
just to get by just to get by..
feeling- yum yum..haha im in an okay mood
bumpin-
chatting- Jimmy, Jonathan, Kelsey, Alyssa, Holly
Quote-

This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my high's, and my low's
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop smoking, and stop drinking
And I've been thinking - I've got my reasons
Just to get by, just to get by
Just to get by, just to get by
-Talib Kweli.....haha my ass =]

frick i realized i aint that innocent anymore o wels..wel just got home..yeah..went to montclair plaza...wa a waste lol...wel jose came to pick us up...and then we went to his casa..yep yep...sat there..watched soem ed edd nd eddy haha jumped on the bed laughed are asses off did some comedy central..ate some grub..and yeah =] been a good girl..lol my ass..wel got home and now im talkin and i cant think and my jacket smells like w/e cuz wats his face was sittin next to me lol and yep yep...then my phone rang,,my best friend jonathan talked and den now im online like usual..and now im out..

dude 5 more days whoot whoot =]

2004-01-02T17:30:00.000-08:00

===========================================================
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
eh tired haha
[bumpin]
veronica celeste jose holly

daym i did this on amanda thing and i thought it was funny..

melissa spins tunes as
DJ Hell-Bent Lunatic

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

haha anyways today was pretty kick back i woke up at like 1:30? talked to my best friend jonathan on the phone for most of the day haha and then figured out i got 4 weeks to live ...haha nice..o well..kill me in 4 weeks if everything goes bad? iight..then i kinda cleaned my room ..kinda..watched some tv ate dinner and im here..talk to whoever trying to make plans fo tonight knowin us me and cel will find r selves at joses house again haha yeah wel i need a shower (ryte jonna) yeah so ima prolli take a shower get ready and im out fo the night..yay its raining..=D got to love the rain..wel i shall speak wit u latas...

2004-01-01T23:29:00.000-08:00

[feelin] iight [bumpin:] BEP-Hey Mama jsut fo celeste[chatting with]celeste katy holly danielle [wishin:] questions answered and situations disappeared

________________________________________________________________
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
x]Good Bye 2003 Hello 2004[x

"Year in Review Survey 2003

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done?
heh..iv'e dont alot but those experiances yet helped me grow as a person..i lost another best friend and yet i made new ones..i gained confidence in myself and i made life chocies without the peer pressure shit even though i did/am doin stuff i have nothing to regret

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you more for this year?
honestly i dont even remember what my resolutions were last year..and i dont plan on having any this either..if something pops up then ill make it a personal goal =D

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?yes!! aww Stacy!! yeah to babee Jake, August 21,2003

4. Did anyone close to you die?
yeah..my grandma died during the spring
one of my good friends, Tommy died in a car accident =[ June 8, 2003

5. What countries did you visit?
haha alot!! Jamica, Bahamas, Grand Cayman, Costa Maya, and all these other little Carribean islands..

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
frick..alot..friends w/o the drama..
a steady novio
raising those grades

7. What date(s) from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
January 10 (wen we celebrated me birthday and lost a friend and a crush on the same day)
February 26 (hangin out wit Jessica and Santos for jess's birthday)
June 4th (ryans car crash)
July 18-23 (hawaii)
August 21(jakee was born)
September 28
November 9
December 27
December 31 (new years eve..good memories)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
SELF CONFIDENCE...being able to do things on my own

9. What was you biggest failure?
some friendships and loves

10. Did you suffer illness or injury
sprang my wrist in powderpuff
cutting my lip in cheer!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
food!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Stacy and Ryan...i've never seen an ex couple come together when in the time of need..i sware you guys deserve alot..and im sure one day u guys and baby jakee will all be one big familia

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
celeste- iono some things that occured i felt like i lost myself as well
lupe- losing another best friend =[ due to school changing

14. Where did most of your money go?
movies and food lol

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
geez..everything haha

16. What song wil always remind you of 2003?
uhm..SHUT UP -black eyed peas haha only cuz of celeste!

17. Compared to this time of year are you:
Wiser? heck yeah
Healthier? eh
Richer? No ive become poorer since all my money is with the movies and fast food!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
school work-spent more time wit the people i cared most about

19. What do you you'd done less of?
wasting my time on things that will never happen

20. How did you spend you christmas?
with my family

21. Did you fall in love in 2003?
i guess you could say that ..more of 2002 through 2003 i spent most of my time on someone..and then the later months i spent it on someone else --more of liking alot

22. How many one night stands?
haha ...none of your biz

24. What was your favorite TV program?
OC, punkd, real world, road rules, Degrassi all of those

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didnt hate this time last year?
i dont hate anyone as of ryte now

26 What did you want and get?
my permit..got
best friends..got 4
meself..got
answers..got most of that

27. What did you want and not get?
love

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
i liked alot..Finding Nemo..Just Married...and much more

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
haha its my style ..=]

30. What kept you sane?
reality

31. What did you miss?
alot of things..lost friends..lost crushes...

32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003?
jsut be yourself!! do what you want to do and learn from your own mistakes leave a trial of your own and let people help when you need it..

33. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
(stolen from tiffany)
Jealousy, we got to swallow it
Your heart and mind baby follow it
Smile, happiness you could model it
--common

okay yea..lates happy motha frikin new year

2004-01-01T18:26:00.000-08:00

________________________________________________________________
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
x]mood[x iight stil got a headache

x]bumpin[x: beyonce- me myself and I

x]chattin w/[: Celeste Jose trisa

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
________________________________________________________________

okay so its 6:21 and mr jose comes out of no where and says...

Jose: Ur a dick!
Me: haha ure a bitch

haha dont u just love that saying...daymn iight wel ryte now im debating wit jose on why we didnt get wa we supposely wanted last night haha and den im trying to convince celeste to go fufill his dreams but den again goin hes SLACKIN cuz hes got nothign to drinK nor to eat!!!!!! yeah later like manana...anyways ive been doing nothing all day!!...i slept did some homework and slept and talked on the phone with jonathan and now im bored..hym i wanna do something tonight but everythign frikin closed wel neways..i shall write back later...

fuck mayn celeste ure a dick HAHAHAHAHAHA CELesTE cant hide wanna come out and play???

2004-01-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

__________________________________________________________________
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
x]mood[x: Ive Been Way Better!

x]bumpin[x:

x]chattin w/[x: estabon y Katy

x]quote[x:

x]countdown[x: 6 mo days

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________________________________________________________

okay wel lets start it off with...happy new year...i kinda knew this was all going to happen..the day before new year i would say i accomplished everything and have the best of mood and 2004 goin to be the best...well correction: so far it aint...

i aint going to brag on about yesterday night..cuz too much happened..you just had to been there i guess...but i can say a couple comments to peeps haha

=katy=haha its okay..you were just whoozed...lol nothing wrong with that! DEAN!
=Friederike= all i can say is..i take u to a party and now look what happens! haha jk i love you and dont worry its not to late =d
=Jonathan= sorry bout the family problems ryte now..i love ya and you shouldnt worry either
=celeste= fuck mayn im done time to find someone lol see if u were dead wa u would of left me with daymn
=all the others= haha ure a bitch =D bunch of loves-

yeah wel nothing was wat i expected i kinda wanted to go beyond my limits but then something changed it at the party..that one comment got to people..and urgh watever...but yeah..i enjoyed meself =] and hell not like this is the last party ill be goin to whoot whoot..

yeah wel i didnt go tot bed till liek 230-3 this morning..yeah chad brought us Jack in the box,,whoot whoot and i helped freddie..haha yeah and den kind awnet to bed woke up and fred took me home..yeah i should have some pixs online soon..yep

okay today..fuck celeste and i are goin out and never coming back lol...not until we find people ..yeah..cuz u know got to start the new year fresh and by the way thigns were looking yesterday eh ill prolli be wasting my time fo awhile so watever..im up for it..

dang mayn there like only 4 frikin days left till were in school..i wanna go back to see people but that means i have to go to bed and i cant go out during week days and u cant party till friday/saturday..dang goin to be a tough transition but owel..got to do wa u got to do ..

yeah wel fuck it all..

-liss-

2003-12-31T17:19:00.000-08:00

HAPPY MOTHA FUCKIN NEW YEAR!!!!! lOL

PLeaSE BE SAFE...DOnT DrINK...No DrinKINg no NEed Fo COnDoMS!- haha
_______________________________________________________
Some Funny ConvoS of the DAy:

Chica Nica06: no one will! they'll be too hamstered to notice!
x bLaCknDstaR x: HAHAHA
Chica Nica06: damn alcoholics
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol HAHA
Chica Nica06: don't worry, i'll send you flowers while you're in Betty Ford
________________________________________________________________-

DaLiteofMyLife: alrite
DaLiteofMyLife: i'm spendin the night
DaLiteofMyLife: i call the couch
x bLaCknDstaR x: i get the Center pIEces hahahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahahahha
DaLiteofMyLife: hahaha _______________________________________________________________
later:
Chica Nica06: we're getting a tan this summer
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahaha DUH
x bLaCknDstaR x: no matter wat i get a tan
Chica Nica06: cause none of us are taking SS
x bLaCknDstaR x: take me outside for like 3 mins
Chica Nica06: haha yea i know
Chica Nica06: your black ass
x bLaCknDstaR x: i get a tan
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol
Chica Nica06: i'm all F*ing white
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha DUH!
Chica Nica06: that's our goal this summer
Chica Nica06: to get me tan
Chica Nica06: and for you not to peel
Chica Nica06: muahaha
_______________________________________________________________
yeah wel tonight last night of 2003..and i shall be spendin g it wil liek 50 other people at JoSEs CAsA!! lol so ill SeE u dER iF noT HAppy NEW year stay saFe i LOve YA!

2003-12-31T11:02:00.000-08:00

-this meja-
feeling- ah my mouth hurts but im sure splendID!
bumpin- Finch- What it is to burn
chatting- trisa-daniel-Stacy
quotes-Love as if you could never get hurt

===========================================================
ah okay today: woke up at 7 in da morning haha took a shower and off to the orthodontisT! whoot..they fixed my bracket (for free thank goodness!) and they took off one of my coials!! YAY sooo now i dont have sprING on my Tops!! lol and they took off my wire so i can bruSh lol nice so now my mouth looks way better and clean!! yep yep and then i get my bottom coail off next month geez almost done with these ugly braces but they tightened them so my mouth hurts and i cant eat!
ok wel after that i went to the DMV....and WHOOT WHOOT GOT MY MOTHA FUCKIN PERMIT hahahha finally..took long enough lol but yay in the sumMER i can DrIVe..FREEDOM!! lol yes yes

wel drama hell with certain people--FRIENDS DONT PUT FRIEND IN PAIN hahaha u noe get your act straight cuz all u want is attenion? iono but for real...im tired of goin through yer little acts i really am..and if u think your gettin my support this time around YOU AINT so go ahead and kill yourself cuz u seem not to care about me anyways and since i put YOU through SOOO much pain then sorry u can leave and i wont have to go thorugh wit it!

otherWiSe fuck mayn WINTER breAK has Been AweSOme..hahaha...=] ive made liFe experiances anD i can already tell 2004 goin to be great..wel it better be geez! haha ok wel 7 days till my sweet 16 xD cant wait..and i cant wait to get to school..only to see poeple not to actually do the school work...otherwise forget it..but yea..

lets see update-
monday- trisa holly celeste and i went to the DR soccer game haha being weird as awlays takin pictures haha JOSE LUIS fo ms taro! lol and pictures of weird things..came hoem and dealt with someones excuses to quit life...and den yesterday was my brothers birthday...stayed home chilled and then went to driving school..omg one name.. BOBBY! haha yeah anyways...stayed in that room for 2 hours learning how to park lol...w/e and den uhm went to jamies house!! aww i saw jamie yay! i miss seeing people!!! yeah and den came home and did the usual..yeah and then got a long distnace phone call lol talked to nick for like 2 hours..(no i aint payin fo it so shush) and den..went to bed...

wel im out-

2003-12-29T12:19:00.000-08:00

-samona-
feelin- iight
bumpin-nada
chatting-Holly
quote- MEMORIES ARE FOREVER

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay wwel yesterday it started off like this....

pain! haha yeah alotta pain last time i felt that much pain was in l ike the summer..so i wenton with the day acting like nothing hapen so my parentals dont find out nethign since my gayass brother RATTEd me out...urgh okay..so i ate and then got yelled at! again! and den went to go watch TV and den decided to come online to see what was up with the day..bad idea..i sware i hate it wen everyone fights and all of them are thinkin bout them daymn selves and fightin with one another wen bascially its not worth it cuz in the end its all for one person! so i left the drama behind and didnt care wa the final decision was...wel i got dress and did my hair..im becomin non lazy and actually blow drying straightin and curling!! haha wow! never thought i would actually get to all 3 in one day..wel neways..and off i go to go pick up trisa amanada celeste and veronica den wer off to kidnap holly! holy moly plans changed and we went to her house instead and like we decided to go through her backyard OMG i thought her dog was goin to do a sneak attack or soemthing but turn out he wasnt there adn celeste is liek seh always leaves her bak door unlock! UHM NO!!! haha so wer tappin on the window so he daddy would let us in haha and den we run in the living room and Attack yep we stole holly and den we took her in my car and made fun of her and took pictures! (yep wit mi camera which was being an ass!! wel ill have pix up n runnin soon) and den we took her to the tree wit the big bow haha in the spectrum and ate and sang and lit forks on fire =] ya and then holly was wearing a sign that said kiss me its my sweet 16..holy shit..this one guy named EERNIE! haha came adn we were talkin to him and he left and 10 mins later he coems back adn he like soo close to hollys face and liek i saw yer sign can i kiss u and omg he did hahahahaha i was on the floor laughing my as off cuz the way eh did that was soo funny like he came out of no where..! yeah and then i saw mia and talked to her for awhile haha yeah i was hapyp cuz i havent seen ehr in forever!!! ok and den jonathan came and we went to the movies..nice and swa chaeper by the dozen! i was surprised it was actually an iight movie...kinda funny...yep plus ashton..duh..okay and den we walked to carls and den ate and laughed and went home..yep yep yep

okay so its been wat 10 days since i havent seen people..except the usual lol...yeah i came to realize by the 3rd day that im just goin to have to wing it and now it feels like i had soo much thinkin to do and sleepin to accomplish that watever i was eager for in the beginin is now gone..nice..!i sware i feel like a different person..i got no clue now..after everything thats happen since the the weekend b4 school started i ahve no regrets!! everything thats happened happened for a reason if it was two heartbreak in less then 2 months apart..even if it was hooken up wit ppl witout finding out there last names..or having your dreams come true..i had a great year..its the things that bring it down that make it so awesome the friends that are on your side to bring u up wen u are down..even though there wer times were i sheded blood those scars healed and those pains that i sheded blood for are now gone..i just hope 04 is betTer in many things but yeah..winter break all n all was exacley wa i needed..sleep..thinkin..and times to chill with the friends..the past couple days watever are friends weakness was seems to all coem together now..wel i think maybe with not some peopel but yeah..its all good..and w/e i was hopin to happen is in my past..and now my resolutions are coming and im starting off the new year fresh...i guess 2003- was a pretty fuckin awesome year...i mean look at the past...

-spendin time at the mall with the amigos fo me birthday (even though some outcomes were great i still had a great time)
-losing a best friend for like 3 weeks..
-celeste super bowl party (playin football in the park haha priceless)
-gainin a new best friend =P
-meeting 3 new best friends!- (bunnie kRew fo LiZliFe)
-vaLentinEs RalLy- ( aww i still remember my GraM and hOW mi amiGa sung it To meeh =D)
-goin with santos to surprise jessica for her birthday!! yeah watching movies and goin to dinner--with a best friend u no longer see--aww
-PowderPuFf- haha the most fun u could have in a lifetime-- BaMBi!! friCK SeniOr football coachES =]- spranINg my wrist haha- spending last moments wit friends!!
-frick doin a cheer at cold stones to get a free ice cream!!!!
-SeniOR sunset!- aww riding wit tabita to go get BBq spray but instead we got MIcrowave spray haha-trying to be a senior ;] lol
-SenIor Dance- haha ChaD!! lol speanding time..playing tag throughout the schoOL!
-graduation- saying good bye to everyone =[
-HUNINGTON BEACH TRIP!- holy shit wen do u get to have 4 girls alll in a room together by ourselves haha thas was tyte...jumpin on bed breakin the bed haha making popcorn with the stove..buRnt it..haha OMG THE CRABS WE COLELCTED HAHAH WHERE DID THEY GO?? o geez!- uhm gettin kicked out of the pool...
-goin to the beach-CELESTE gettin hit on by a very older male lol-goin to eat and seeing ELMO!! haha
-goin to THe beach wit HolLY!--dude WatER babys rye here!!-haha diving fo the waves..thE inciDent with yer mom meeting a wave-priceless- playing volleyball! haha the guys in the truck!!! lol
--sUmmer SHcool- HAHA NOT! actualyl was an aide for one week-but ti was all good!! met alot new people! and got to see alot peopel!! at lunch we COoked i was thE coOK! haha and i set myself on fire!!! lol priceless!
-seeing every fuckin movies out in teather during the summer
-4th OF jULY!- ok goin to temicula to see allen =] and den coming home to go the park with friends-geez watched fireworks got ice cream!! lol
-FUCKIN HAWAII-hoyl shit--the best time in my whole life- meeting like frikin 500 new people-spending yer day t the beach-gettin closer with allen--throwing laundry soap in the pool! (OOPS LOL) HOENI HOENI LINE!!!! lUAus..HaWAii fuckin break dancers!!! haha ALLEN!! haha the shOps- the late night sneaking out-the CluBs--the animals-the Weather-the scenary-the guys- aww now i want to go back!!
--my dad quiting the OC team-after having paradise ure leaving it
-GeTTin JV cAPTian--DRamA cAme anD wenT haha BUt its All GraVy now!
-CHEEr CAMp- okay wen si it that u can hang out with BOY cHEErleADers haha and sscream your head off in the hoTel roOMs plAy taqG-LISTEN TO DRAMA WATCHING CHEW EACH OTEHRS HEADS OFF HAHA COUGH COUGH FRESHMEN SQUAD LOL- how many times can u eat in the cafeteria and jump on yer seat cuz we saw a Rat run across the floor hahaha or wen u can make fun of a girl that looks like a horse! or..eat ice cream foR breakfast..cheer camp this year was awesome and too bad we didnt win the fuckin banana..ok and another thing...lol just cuz we were captians we had to learn a fuckin dance!! hahaha but hey Sam and i got inVited to go to NEw YORk! so it was ALl graVy!
-joinin memebers into ASB-haha SAMANTHA!! all these new freshmen lol
-ReGRistraTIon-- WHOOT WHOOT-saw all the cute new freshmen--den wen saw alL the sOPhies! haha then the Cute JunIOrs theN the HOt SeNiors all in 3 dayS of time! haha nice..
-goin to coldstones and tellin the ladies were professional lifeguards and wer in are swim suit and sweats haha nice
-goin to get yearbook ads!! hahaha soo fun....trisa me and dallas goin around askin people for ads haha nice so many bitchy people!!
-first day of school- eH..lol met new peopLE =]
-Mia takin me out haha--goin to around looking for a homecoming dress and her bitchin hahaha priceless then getin some el gran food YUM and den goin to ehr casa nice-yelp the goin bak to school to see matt-haha and actually hide from him lol nice-and then we went to go attack matts car!! lol -
-FOotbalL GameS- okay MAKEOVERS!! nice Frig- are first performance- HAHAHA OK NO!
going to away games with fRiends =] ALEX!!!!
-Meeting nEw poepel to take us oUT and party =]
-FialING classES!! lol
-likINg a guy for wa..1 year and 2 days and Den drop it! lol nice move
-hoMEcOMing- ok prepAriNG-GOIN TO THE SECRET DOOR IN THE ATTIC!! haha omg krystal!! lol and den eating all the teachers brownies haha and den colelct boxes to paint!! o geez--all those lONG weekeNds wer worth it haha-DecoratIng mOPing the flloRs with everyones hair all in curlers lol-goIng to get MY DATE_CELESTE HOOKS_(2 years in a row lol) a coursage haha and then picking her up to do her hair-haha- and den goin out to take pictures! whoot whoot!! den time to dance...geez-homecoming rally-okay nominated fo princess-surprised- performing and then havin less the 1 minute to change out of costume to my dress- haha nice=great memories--den losign rocs keys on the most important day!!! lol-yeah Performing at the Game haha mia ended up takin em out whoot whoot= met the ugly football palyers on the other team lol-
-meeting new peoplE =D
-hAllowEen- wHOa-craZy night goin oUT with the new amigos gaininG mo nonSEnse acts haha
-OK CAR WASHING!!!!! holy saNypSE!haha gettin caught!! was the msot scariest thing in my life..ok a black mayn runnin to yer car as trisa crys trying to clsoe the door from anotehr black mayn and me not lettin holly in so that the black mayn doesnt get me haha havin the black mayne yell at us OLORD- haha seeing the skunk and havin chad follow it!!!!!! having celeste trip..on a sidewalk!-WATCHING ROMEO AND JULIET ON SOMEONES ROOF!! haha-STEPPIN ON THE ALLIGATOR!-RICE KRISTPIES-MAIL BOXES!!-geez all those memories will never be dupLICATed-
-SNAPPLE-okay DONT REARRANGE Y SNAPPLE hahah fuckin 711!! lol nice...
-RidinG with EDmunD and brian in Cow COUntry haha hoLly FLIP tHE BITCH!!!!
-KIDNAppin TriSa for her birthday haha chasing her around dennys!! walkin to hollys house haha
-GOIN TO DENNYS AFTER EVERY FICKING FOOTBALL GAMES hahaha meetin DEAN! meating the BOYS at the booth next to us haha i will still be killin u guys haha-
having a sunday that wasnt asundaY!!
-STUPID SANCHEZ fallin on me from a stunt=and busting my inner and outter lip!!! OMG never saw that much blood in my life--got up bleeding liek hell all over the grass runin towarsd the portable leaving a trial to the bathroom adn den renee and hedi layig me down with lace sheet trying to make me laugh wen it hurts like hell haha good times-
-Ryans car crash----ok another scariest thing in the world--
-my gRAndma passing away--
-losing another best friend- LOOps--frick LUMAlISSANESE forever BFF-
-THE CARNIVAL- OK BRANDAN KRAMER RODRIGUEZ-ok fuck he cant be gay with those looks haha holy shit got his DIGITS lol CEleste meeting those 4 UGLY GUYS!! hahaha holyl tellin 2 guys i liekd them haha ended up tracking them down gave them the digits after them uhm flAShing to get my attention haha- that was a tyte night!!
0FERRIS WHEEL RIDE BUNNIE CREW 4 LIZLIFE!-and yelliN BRANDAN WILL YOU GO TO HOMECOMING WIT MELISSA hahahahah like he could hear!-
-GraZianO triPS haha
-reNTing moVies BAKiNG paSTa and POPOs with celESTe haha
-DeAling with frienDs ways oF life-
-sitting wit holly and AG in the middle of a soccer field- watchin trisa and celeset try otu for soccer haha then doin Flips in the grass teachign AG haha
-MeetinG the 4 HoES =]
- ORdering piZZa at schoolto be delivered haha only cheerleaders would do that !
-JV Sleepovers-HYPNOTIC SIX!!haha ALCHeys--ok so uhM..Stunts at MAlls..GoSsip...runnign down the hills haha all good all good
-GoIN TO THe SAVe FErRIS conCeRt wit Holly an her paPA haha and MORe to COme!
-Holly and I SneakING out of stoKLee haha lets be a low animal..run run run run..haha wtf she can catch us shes too fat hahahhaha nice
-me and mya ditching 5th hahah nice..
-okay soCCer gAmeS- kIDnapping ceLEste and her mom tellin ehr were we are taking her lol-
-On COmes a HEartBreaK
-KidnappING HOllY- haha CRAZY!!
-SPRING BREAK- OK FUCKING CARRIBEAN CRUISE!! HOLLY SHIT-GOIN to FLOrIDA thEN gettin on a boat for fRIkin 7 dayS goin to pARadise fuCking aweSome-cant waIT till PAnaMAl canAL!
- wiNTer BrEAk-haha bitching more memories still comING!-

ok thats jsut a gsit? can u tell im bored haha wel its like monday the frirst day in winter break were no one is home FINALLY!!! lol ok wel ill blog later bout that day i think im goin to DR soCcer game wit holly celeste and trisa and den party ON from there!

2003-12-28T15:19:00.000-08:00

-whew-
feelin- SICK
bumpin- mxpx-everything sucks
chattin- holly y celeste
quote- look i can swim-(dives into floor)

______________________________________________________________
First thigns first--- HAPPY SWEET 16 HOLLY! muahs i LoVes yaS!

ok last night...

went to tillys..got my jacket =]..went home..chatted..went to joses casa..chIlled banGed LaUGhed..gOOD timEs...then uhm got home at 12 ish..got yelled at!! Whoo hoo! ok den could sleep cuz my stomach hurted sooo much!! so stayed up and den uhm my frikin stomach still hurts!! wel yeah i had a good tiem though...weird how things turn out ot be..=P

wel dont want to tell bout nething else...lata

2003-12-26T23:07:00.000-08:00

light it up

feelin-in a frikin good mood
bumpin- liz phair: Why Cant I?
Chattin- ryan
Quote- fuck mayn its waterproof!
_____________________________________________________________
iight today was one of those fuckin whoa days..
ok so started out at 6! wen my fuckin alram went off..someone frikin setted it! watever i woke up at 7 cuz celeste was takin me to Los Angeles! haha yea we went fuckin to the fashion district walked the streets for like 4 hours and den frikin didnt buy shit! i liked some crap but i wasnt really payin attention and they didnt hav my size =/ wel we left and went to West Covina mall till like 5 pm fuck and they didnt have shit either! haha whatever there were some cute chicos though..and celeste that frikin guy was not hittin on me so shut..yeah den got home stayed for an hour and frikin left to go to soccer game wit celeste and trisa and den say are asses off tehre in the cold..wel we got to see JoSE luIS! haha y eah trisa i agree with u now..i see it i see it lol and den watched them frkin kick a ball bak n forth..wel den uhm jose (not jose luis) dropepd trisa off then we went to his casa..mayn its so funny wen all them get together...its fuckin waterproof!! ...your a dick...fuck haha nice..iono sarah got me thinkin in some shit..and i dont think ill be keepin my word wit half the shit ive said..haha ya comin out tellin u things change and so do people =P wel yea..cant wait till new years..neways wel i got the sign from jose that we needed to go haha so we left..and now im here at 11:06...oh yesh...yeah wel im out fo the night..fuck call me if u wanna chill manana..lates

-xoxo-
melissa

2003-12-25T22:02:00.000-08:00

..Cant Look Back..

Feeling- mixed emotions
bumpin- Liz Phair: Why Cant I?
Chatting- Celeste and Nick
Eating- HuGS!!
Wishing- NOt to reflect On the Past aND Remebering every littLe thing...
Quote- "I say the easiest thing in the world is to love you. And the hardest thing in the world Is to lose you. "

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
iight first thing frist..FRIENDS TELL FRIENDS THINGS!!..iight dont act like we dont give a shit bout you wen we do and dont act like nothing hurting u either!! and another thing..dont treat me like im 7! i knoe wa im doing iight dont give me a lecture on shit that u aint doin yer own fucking self!! and to another..FINALLY i realized im just someone that can bring u mo ppl and den later i get all tha blame for it or not even there in reality..w/e fuck it..
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
getting it out..im finally facing the facts..i knew it was goin to come down to this but whatever..all i can say is u can blame it on me staying home and being bored..im facing the facts that im not going to be spending my after hours with you anymore im not going to stop what im doing to talk to you im not going to long for those conversations and the words that make my day rise whens it bad..urgh its hard to go through a day that crossing something that reminds me of the past and it drives me insane and it makes me go into deepr thoughts and i get lost and confused but i guess now its back to where i was..lonley and lost..just living to live and thats it..not much hapiness anymore but whatever one of these days it'll come back..who knows when, but im facing the facts just going to have to go on and pretend like nothings hurting me any more..even though its hard to speak believe think and dream when everything was given up just like that..

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I sit here wondering
If we will ever be
I sit here wondering
If youll ever see
I sit here wondering
If youll ever know,Just how much you mean
And just how much you grow
Grow closer to my heart
Each and everyday
Grow closer to my heart
With every word you say
So as I sit here and wonder
Im thinking of you
Hoping and dreaming
Your wondering to

________________________________________________________________
Lyrics:

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be
Holding hands with you, and we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too
The problem is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful
Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
For this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
whenever i think about you (x4)
________________________________________________________________
When Im alone, and no one can see
Tears form behind my eyes
Every time you glance at me
A part inside of me dies
Knowing it can never happen
Knowing it can't be true
Shatters my heart and my world
All I want is to be with you
If I could just hold you
Just to know you're there
I would treasure that moment forever
Just to prove how much I care
But Im left with only a dream
Left to wander Ive played my part
I am all alone once again
With empty arms and a broken heart
________________________________________________________________
ill b fine thats what i said but come on do you think i lived up to what i said? its 2 am lying in bed wakin up with black eyeliner on my bed spread ..the liner spreads with tears ive cried knowin that ive tried .theres no more to do the damaged is done and i still dont want to move on, its different this time around something that started of well how can end up with a frown? after all those times ive been hurt i dont want to once again fall in the dirt you think id learn by noe not to fall so hard for osmeone but this one was different and seem to brightin me up in all the ryte places ..i look back to the things that went wrong and then they all seem to reflect in a song memories of us are going through my mind i cant seem to make them unwind..i kinda feel like i wasted my time and that i prolli meant nothing at all..i spilt my heart to you and after it all it seems like my heart still clingin to you..even though its prolli shattered i dont really want it back...

2003-12-25T17:20:00.000-08:00

--l l--MERRY CHRISTMAS--l l--

feelin-hah jolly..
bumpin-
chattin wit- jonathan arash daniel angela stacy
Eating- xMas ROlLS!
WiShINg- i want a horse haha
qUOte:
StRik3 AnyWhErE2: have a happy boxing day

========================================================
merry xmas..haha okay today was like any other day except i opened gifts and then played with them haha of course..yeah then we all sat around the new TV and watched ..Seabisquit..haha makes me want a horse..=] yeah i hate movies with animal Cruelity! yeah o well..den after that was over my dad decided to call Lousiana to all my realitives down there olord!! try talkin LOng Distnace to someone who is like 95 years old!! ok that took an hour...yeah owell i hope we go down there thOUgh get some familia rooTs..yea ok we were suppose to go to long beach...but no body wanted to see familia so my dad was blah didnt get gumbo! tears! but ill prolli get some laters this week..yay..and then uhm ryan stoppin by later today yay..and den ill prolli watch another family movies and den talk online..o joy..wel yeah
ah i wanna go to school to see people not for hw and finals and shit but yeah home equal boring ...yeah wel i can go out now? i think? wel yeah who noes..but neways
im out so ill ttyl

2003-12-24T22:13:00.000-08:00

--l l--Merry Xmas Eve--l l--

feeling- a si a si
bumpin- Mariah Carey- All I Want For Xmas
Chatting to- Celeste and Ryan
Eating- Cookies!
Wishing- For the week to end =/
Quote- FuCk tHe SeASons haha

l l ------------------------------------------------------------------------l l
today was so so..im not in the xmas spirit at all...iono why..seems pointless in some perspectives..yea..my dad put all the gifts under the tree...haha like we dont noe wa there are already..my parents hide the gift horIbblE! haha yeah found all long time ago..wel yea tomarrow should be interestin i guess! yeah wel uhm..think im staying home! all the plans got cancelled as of ryte now..my dad doesnt want to see the family..so ill bascially be doin wa i do everyday...exceot open gifts and den play wit gifts and den..go online!! haha nice..w/e no spirit in xmas in this familia!! yeah wel i went to the dentist and omg....4 SEALENTS!! i need 4 SEALENTS!!! i was like wtf..hes goes through my teeth and he goes wel melissa and im like ok i noe i didnt feel him pluckin at teeth means no cavity and hes like ima put sealents on yer teeth and den..hes goes in my mouth and frikin scrapes the gap between my 2 teeth [the tooth thats being rotated that the braces did ot my mouth!] yeah and den hes like wa do u do that make indents in yer mouth and im like for one thing..half the cheerleders fall on me and cut open this inside of my mouth or they get in the way when there not suppose to be there (cough cough bert!) yeah and my bracket and den the lady she looke dlike AuNT jAmimiYAH! haha nice she was drillin my teEth ok w/e haha next apPoinMEnt in 6 months..great but i got ORTHo nExt week..SUcKS got to see JeSus..lol anyways..dont wanna talk about the next thing movin on i went to costco wit my mom and these guys were pickin out roses for there girlfriends and wer askin me if she would like flowers or roses and im like why dont u buy one thats combined with both and he was like fuck why didnt ithink of that haha yeah..and then we went to the cake section and omg more news on my birthday trauma..so ill be spending my birtheday with ..my brother!!! turns out my mom not going to be home she rather do her wed. ritual and my dad goin fishing for a month..so my sweet 16..wil be at SwEET HoMe...fuck WatEver..i came to the point theres no point in anytHIng..seriously..doNE and OVer with...not cuz jsut that but with other shit as well...iono i came home and slept for a whole 4 hours..actually hiding but i slept..yeah den i interacted wit my doG! yeah feel bad i only pay attention to it during long days!! haha sad..o wel i love dem =P anyways..its like 1012..CHRiSTmas Eve..and no one is online rarly..and uhm i cant wait to see nick tomarrOW-smiles? yeah kinda..i also wanted to spend xmas wit others but o WeL! i shall see them all Jan 5! haha wel ima go ..

xoxo

2003-12-23T22:49:00.000-08:00

l l l and the truth comes out l l l
feeling- happy
bumpin-
chattin to- celeste holly melinda
eating-uh oh oreos =]
wanting- rain!!
Quote-

=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
okay mind me as i scream........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....my smile is big ryte now why u asK??cuz on xmas nick is comin to see me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay omg..i havent seen him for 6 months!! i sware ...wel even though i see him for an hour..its all good! cuz a xmas gift like that is amazing..ok yeah...=]

anyways today was pretty nice..i woke up fell bak asleep woke up fell back asleep woke up and made breakfast! or brunch haha i actually cooked!! yeah some FreNCh toAsT! lol yum...den i took a shower..den i listen to musica den..as my dad left and my bro was no where to be found ryan came down for a lil bit and brought me some food Whoot whoot and told me the news whoot whoot yeah..ok den i chilled and watched..
-Sweet Home Alabama (aww i can watch it a billion times and still like it!)
-Stealing Harvard
-Orange County
-JEepers CreePers
-and Some TRL! lol
yeah then pretty kick back the rest of the time..

not much to write bout ..got alot of personal information out today yep....cant wait till New yeARs whOot whoOt!=] and xmas is what like in 26 hours!! haha nice!! not really feelin it though..who noes? wel tommarow im going oto the dentist yikes and da dmv..yikes..havent even studied..lol o wel..wel thrs is goin to go hella wel..hopefully mayn!...going to wake up like 9ish open gifts..play wit gifts (haha i noe like a kid) den shower den go to long beach haha eat dinner at like 3!!! lol den get home..sneak out the door hop in ryans car see nick eat some more..make an exit come home acting like i never left haha nice! yeaden wake up next morning early to go to LA wit Celeste haha NICE vacation finalyl going to start! whoot wel im out.. o yeah the most best thing i did all day was PUNK celeste!

eliesesay: im joking celeste lol youve been punkd
DaLiteofMyLife: you aer such a punk i swera you made me cry bitch!
eliesesay: hahahahahaha sure i did
DaLiteofMyLife: i swear!!!!
DaLiteofMyLife: i seioulsy dont know what i'd do with out you!
eliesesay: aw tears
DaLiteofMyLife: i seriously wouldnt be around
DaLiteofMyLife: you nearly gave me a heartache bitch!

2003-12-22T23:52:00.000-08:00

4l l l Why Cant I Breather Whenever I Think About You? l l l3
feeling- better then what i was before
bumpin-
chatting to- holly veronica emily dane
wanting- some ice cream!!
wishing-things will change
Quote-wish the sun would hide his head so i could watch you dream some more

ll----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ll
I cRy F0r ThE LovE i'M N0t RecEivINg,
I cRy For ThE LoSt YeaRs Of
WiShinG aNd DreAMinG,
I cRy FoR tHe hAtE ThaT BuRNS mA hEArt,
I cRy FoR tHe YeaRs We SpENt ApaRT,
I CrY FoR The FeeLingS ThAt U
SwePt UNdeR thE RUg,
BuT I CrY ThE mOSt bCuz
aLL I wANtEd waS u anD ONe Of ThOse huGs
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yeah..maybe im suppose to feel this way...iono i have had alot time to think..whats else do u expect 3 hours ago was the first time ive been outside since friday!! i know..ive been stuck in the house doing..nothing..but watching televison and doing chores!! yeah wel okay today i woke up and it wasnt pleasant! Why cuz i heard my dad talkin on the phone which means...HES HOME!! i was like o shit i wanted to have the day w/o family..isnt that the whole point of winter break being home w/o gettin yelled at! okay..wel turns out my dad has the whole week off..o joy and the means out of my 16 days of break i only get 2 of them being alone completly! grr.. so i get up make eggos and go watch some TV..watever then my dad tells me to do my chores..ok so did them..then watched tv..then my dad says to feed the tree..ok so did that then watched tv..den my dad tells me to do something..ok did something den i had to go to my room why cuz my dad took over the tv..lol..yeah wel my mom saved me and omg where did i go? the fuckin libary..wth! lol ok so we went there for i have no clue..den left and den went xmas shopin for my dad..yeah came home and my brother is so frikin weird..he got mad at my mom so he deicded to run away..so wat does he fuckin do?? he dresses like FRODO! it was soooo hillarious he had the ring and everything wel he left and like my mom found him sleepin outside on the sidewalk..so hillarious..and den i hear him come in all mad cuz she woke him up lol...ok now i am not realated to him...never was..yeah anyways...thats about it for my day....

so i got myself into writing and reading poems..yikes not to good... i guess today was one of those days where i can say..fuck its yer fault not myne im glad u realized type of days? yeah very interesting! wel watever i was talking to ryan on the phone hes makes alot of sense since babbee jake came into this world..he was talking to me about how like too much of something will lead u to very little..and to like hold on to things and not regret anything and to give people chances cuz u only live once...iono helped i guess?? yeah iono i think ive changed...like it use to be hard for me to express how i feel..but now i can just tell them and not worry bout it ...yeah and good thing i figured that out cuz its good to get things off my shoulders and have a real answer!! haha yeah

======================================================
When I was told you were single I began looking your way.
When I was told you noticed me, I hoped this moment would stay.
When I was told you liked me, My heart seemed to glow.
When I was told you u wer my love,I knew I couldn't let you go.
When I was told you made yer decision,It made me want to cry.
When I was told by others that i had wasted me time ,It made me want to die.
But now that its over and you found love in her arms,
I was told you had a new girl,And I just laughed aloud.
the memories of you arosed in my head
i hid things for awhile and finally broke down...
even though its hard to admit that i still have feelins fo you..
but den again who wouldnt wen u thought u had a love that was true
========================================================
If you cant get someone off your mind maybe its because theyre supposed to be there..

xoxo

2003-12-21T22:09:00.000-08:00

----------------------------------Never Lettin Go----------------------------------------
feelin-got no clue
bumpin-Amanda Perez- Never
watching- music videos online lol
wishing- to go back in time
Quote- nothing last forever
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay..very boring odd day..
i woke up at like 10 (I noe first time ever woke up early) went to the kitchen made breakfast =] ate and watched some football..den went to my room ..and sat on the floor listening to alicia keys old cd...and like wrote for an hour...i sware for some reason i relate to that cd so much..tears..but then i got up and i wanted to go runnin but was to lazy to actually get up ...so i went to watch mo football..den took a shower..den watched football..den javier and jason wer in are family room..uhm watchin football?? haha i made nachos and went to my roOm and sat and thought then like fast forward me and my brother actually were gettin along! haha he was buggin me so i hit him and den like he was singing and im like wtf den he did his wrestlin moves...so i learned some wrestlin techniques...haha yeah and den he taught me how to play counter strike hahaha NICE!! and then ..i busted out a cd and he was singin and den he grabbed me and attacked me with axe!! i smell like boy!!! oh jees yeah it was hillarious...yeah..den he left and now im here online..neways..trisa made me happy today!! yeah she showed me that im actually loved in this world ..smiles

i came to a conclusion...and i guess u can say this is one of my ecperiments and i noe hald of u are goin to go..yer stupid fo puttin yerself in a situation like this...but after having two whole days to myself i came to the conclusion..that im not ready to let go..after writing the things i hate i ended it with..and i also hate the fact that i dont hate you at all and i never will...and the end of my story i ended as...and as times goes by ill never let go...and h ope these feelin show later on...yeah...crazy...o wel..ig i get hurt it wont be the first ryte? yep yep iono least i aint confused now..just go on wit my days like they were...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lyrics:
I wish that I could turn back the hands of time
Cause if I wouldv'e knew your love was like this
Back then I wouldv'e made you mine
If I had to die a thousand times a day
I would do it for you, just to take
The pain that I have given you away
Cause I love you and I never want to

And I'll never let you go, no, no, no
I love you so
And I'll get on both my knees and I'll beg you please
Will you spend the rest of your life with me
Cause I never Want to let you go
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
okay so yeah..tommarow is the start of vacation...haha cant wait? wel i hope it is for some reason i like it wen no one is home...dat means ppl come over haha ya ryte...wel i hope my mom doesnt stay home! it would ruin my day!! okay..so im out..

xoxo always and forever-
liss

2003-12-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

----------------------------aInt so PerFect--------------------------------------------------------
feeling: eh
bumpin: Simple Plan- Perfect
wearing: jeans and a shirt
watching: rich girlS =P
wishinG: fo huGs
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hym...i kind ain one of those lost moods yeah...its been quiet and i cant do nething cuz are house is boring!! yeah ive been sitting in my room writing and sleeping all daY! nice...wel my dad left so i had a chance to go online and watch tv..yeah i watched some rich girls..lol its really interesting seeing other lives and yet there depressed as well!..yeah iono im weird then i got up and made nachos!! dey were the best nachos ive ever made! yeah my mom sick haha thats wa she gets..but neways..last night was like really weird..i was like mad for no reason..

like i think i got mad and really depressed after listenin to this one song...so like i took a piece of paper and wrote every reason i hated a certain person (thanks holly fo da advice) and then i wrote a story from day one till like the end..iono it helped i guess but im still stuck like i dont want to let go but i gues si have no choice anymore..iono i hope break helps alot...a whole 16 days to myself...yeah..whoot..

my friends dont love me ! i realzied that sometimes with certain people that i was being used only by one comment i heard...yeah iono o wel fuck them ryte?

wel there not much to write..jsut that im bored....and to lazy to do nething...

xoxo-liss

2003-12-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

------------------------FREEDOM--------------------------------------------------------------------
feeling: realized-happy yet sad--
bumping:
wishing: to have winter break but yet get to see the ppl u want to see..
wearin: pj bottoms and a tank
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ahh today was a definite sign the xmas is here...i seriusly wanna thank everyone...aww u guys r liek the coolest!! i loved everything got me seriously!! yea love you guys muahs!! wel yeah..i could barly carry everything..i felt loved..yeah

the day started out like this...
woke up at 5 am got ready packed the car with gifts and went to school got there at 550 and blake was there and me and her talked haha yeah hym den we were off to decorate the gym for the rally which was pretty gay!! yeah kinda sad i think we needed to plan a whole lot more..but alot of things we planned we couldnt do so w/e yeah wel i went through the classes and like 1st period we took a quiz and i think we passed wit me fred and mia together are brain equal one normal person haha jk..yeah went to 2nd watch some video..iono it was a weird video..lol and in 3rd i sware urgh some people are really really stupid!! like that dont noe wen to shut up...i sware tahts why we always get in trouble!! o wel we took a quiz hell yeah i better have at least got a B+ or higher haha yea the question were ryte from the examples in the book..yeah den off to the rally..den lunch we had to mop the floor!! haha so we got 2nd lunch..which is always good! got to miss 4th and got extra time to chill! lol yeah den 5th we had a sub..we think my stoklee died haha or went to florida!! haha lazy ass..wel den cheer. I HATED it..i sware renee makes me soooooooo mad iono her attitude is not needed at certain tiems and she doesnt respect anyone..w/e! ok wel after was pretty tyte..like class ended and like all the cheerleader gave me more gifts i was like holy crap...wel yeah so i could barly walk up the stairs! yeah wel like den went to mrs lovette rooms omg BOOGE AND LOVETTE are the coolest..they got us the cutest things in the whole world..i love it!! lol ok wel yeah...den off we go..we decided to put r gifts in trashbags haha wel i got a ride from celeste and jason came along..it was sooo funny..yeah jason sometiems has a sense of humor lol wel neways i got in the house and i got yelled at for my room and i walked out and went with celeste and holly and trisa to the mall haha went shopin fo celeste..yeah..den uhm alot of new jokes now haha ITS NOT MY FAULT! lol neways...i got home and OMFG!!!!! i walk in and i go in the family room and there a new fuckin TV i sware its like as tall as my room to the floor and liek it liek a movie screen TV its so tyte! my grandpa got it for us haha its like WHOA BIG...nice so now everyone can come over and watch movies!! haha just giv me a call =] yeah den i had to show my parentals wa ppl got me haha hell no i didnt show them wat fred got me haha I LVOE IT FRED!! lol neways..wel iwalked through the rest of the hosue and all the computers and tvs were gone and my dad like ..melissa were giving u this computer!! yay!! so i get to keep the good comp! and liek he said if i cleaned my room (since its gettin redid) then i can have sateliTe televison in my room...dang ill b livin in my room pretty soon! lol neways..im still grounded sucks but watever dont give a shit i can tell my dad trying to make up for it all..o wel not givin in..just sit and nauD..wel winter break is here? should i be happy i dont got school? wel im relived! yeah...but ima miss alot people!! cant wait till Jan 5tH! cuz then 2 more days till my SWEET 16 (JANUARY 7) haha yeah wel iono we best all go out after my grounding haha wel ..im gettin tired of type so ill speak lata

xoxo-- liss

happy holidays =P

2003-12-18T22:56:00.000-08:00

-------LOVES LOST HOPE--------------------
feelin: stressed
bumpin: CHristmas Song- Stacie Orrico (YEP GOT TO GET IN THE XMAS SPIRIT!)
wishing: for everything the way it was last week...and alot more but no point in wishin cuz i noe it aint goin to happen =[
wearing: pj bottoms and a sweatshirt =P

========================================================
ive been feelin alot of pressure and shit...iono im lost like yeah my life starting to have a pattern! yea...happy sad depressed gone happy sad depressed gone..iono watever? all i got to say is..fuck december 17 as wel..

today was okay..mrs olsen yelled at me mia and friederike due to we talk to much and we have to giv her an answer why we should sit were we are tomarrow BS haha yeah watever the rest of the day went smooth i guess u can say..im keepin quiet not much to say any more..but yeah after school my mom took me an dmy bro to turners..yeah den we got home and i avoided the dad and made some spanish cookies for Extra Credit then uhm went to driving school..lol its was iight i met a guy named robert lol nice and the girl i metthe first day samantha pretty nice..its fun meeting ppl u dont noe..its so weird cuz the guy that sits in front of me noes allen and mikey! ahh i miss them...to many memories..dont wanna fall back..yeah wel left driving school and den went to uhm borders to get freds book haha den off to stater brothers and then home to finish wrappin presents..yeah iono to much fuckin things to carry and i havent even studied fo my tests yet fuDge! o wel..F? yeah its goin to be a long night..

and if u didnt noticed im grounded!! urgh fuckin parentals..i sware for the gayest reason so i basically go online wen no ones home or my dad sleeping..so yeah cant go out on weekends..nor talk on the phone AHHHH i noe and it sucks cuz it first weekend of winter break MO FO!! okay yea..thanks ryan fo bringin me the cookies=] they made me feel better yeah..

yeah wel xmas is almost here i kinda dont want it go come but i guess i got to find some spirit ryte? iono not ogin to be anything special this year i can feel it already..fightings had already started and the love aint in the air so yea wel ima go not much to say.

2003-12-16T17:31:00.000-08:00

---------------------- New Lessons-------------------------------------------
Feeling:
If you could see the fountain of tears from my eyes
if you could hear my empty midnight cries
if you could see my body tremble in sorrow
if you come back the key to my heart ill let you borrow
if you felt my pain,ud go insane
but if you saw what this is doing to me youd drop to the floor and wheep
cuz you never knew u had the power to control someones heart this deep
it would hurt you inside to know how bad i mourn
and how bad my heart was injured with the tip of your thorn
But ill try to keep up my head
so you dont see inside the tears i'v shed
Cuz i dont want to put u through the pain im feelin
cuz i liked u mo as i saw u
and soon my heart will be healin
and i know we might never again be dealin
so through this poem
i hope iv shown you how im feelin

Bumpin--Monica- So Gone
Wishing- to actually go through a frikin day w/o feelin ill never get those feelins again
Quote-- its alrite..tears dont go on forever..

______________________________________________________________
all n all theres not much to say...as again the story ends bad...whats new you think that id understand or actually not fall so hard by now...but w/e ive fallen and now im here back to were i was...in a fuckin "this is how i will deal w/o dying" modes..yeah iono..kinda knew things were to good to be true...

i found out today im a worst friend then i was yesterday one more thing to brighten up my day

yeah watever all n all.... fuck December 16th
___________________________________________________________________

I sit here in my room
lonely on my bed
remembering all of the things
that you and i have said
As a tear rolls down my cheek
and you crush my heart in two
I still remain sitting
and always loving you
If you could only see me
see my heart in pain
then maybe you'd reconsider
cause in my heart ....you will remain
Why is it i can't get over you?
How is it you have control?
you don't know how badly you'v hurt me
my heart now has a hole
So i'll dream of you forever
forever it will b
and you shall always remain
A silent part of me

2003-12-15T22:00:00.000-08:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
iono why i feel the way i feel ryte now its just urgh..i was all in a hyper mood but i guess not anymor emaybe cuz i was left with my thoughts and thats what sucks cuz i always think negative! fuck okay i almost got slapped across the face...yeah i was arguing with my mom..and urgh i honestly hate my family..my frikin adopted brother fuckin told my mom i talk to college guys..so my mom got all fuckin anal and was like"you arent allowed to talk on the phone anymore till 1 in the mornign yournot allowed to talk on the interenet" im like fine lock me up in my room and let me have no frikin life! why dont u send me to frikin all girl school..fuck!! then seh was like all yellin i sware urgh pisses me off then shes like melissa you dont tell me anythign and im like maybe cuz i dont want you in my life...urgh then i slammed the door and den she opened it and started yellin and im like dont talk to me den she threw shit yelled more and watever...urgh i hate being home..

ok i wrote this thing bout love...iono its like a uhm methaphor haha emily inspired me to write it due to baseball lol but its kinda tells the feelings like straight forwards...

it all started out to be like a homerun out of the park worldseries type of feelings...but later it started to become a worl series 9th inning..down by one ..your up 2 outs ...1 strike..2 strike..3 strikes..your out losin thin game type of feelings...

i was listen to my emily talk about umhum and it made me sad cuz like iono i miss things that way they use to be like..the smiles that made u feel all special and warm inside the smile to noe that u love/like someone and the love/like you back type of emotions..xXBrOwNsUgAr12Xx: i was like smiling forever....iono for some reaosn things changed..and now its not like the same...ive listen to what people said and i guess i have to live to pmake them happy...but yet im not ready to let go..im surprised i got this far on my own and thats why its hard to let go...really is..like i understand some aspects of it ..but i dont feel like fallen without someone catching me and..i think ive already fallen....all i can say this winter break is sure going to b lonley! i was tellin holly how like i dont want to have the feelin of being alone the next 2 weeks and alone meaning..knowing someones there that likes u for u and wants to be with you..the one that makes you smile and can talk to forever to and the one u can just cuddle wit yeah that type of alone.. owel spending the holidays gettin lazier and lazier..yeah but iono...all i can say is..i dont want to admit that i wasted my time..no way..

wel up in the friends jello..iono i guess u kinda get use to it by now..cant change people and what they believe...i cant change someones mind on suicide so instead of tellin them not to do it i just say im here for u wen u need me...i cant agree upon everything but then again i see no point of me living here anymore either..wakin up everyday has been hell knowing u lost everything and u have nothing to wake up for anymore...you go through the day and u see thing snad u think why am i here..type of things iono...watever...i guess there only one way to take pain away w/o killin yerself? ryte like again....love is just like a CUT ..it HEALS but always leaves a SCAR..yeah..wel people seem to b iight iono gossip had shut down..and i guess wer all gettin along ryte? or trying i kinda feel sad for someone people but i lvoe them and wer all goin to get through the difficult times soon enough...yeah wel...hopefully..

i cant believe theres 10 mo days till xmas..thats crazy that means 23 days till sweet 16! haha nice...wel yeah...i think im done for writing today..

2003-12-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..everything SuxS when yeR gonE...]
[Feelin- hyper!..]
[Bumpin-Mya-Fallen]
[wishin- for a long hug!!]
[Wanting: a long hug..]
[Lazin in: shorts and a halter =] haha i noe seKsi!]
[Quote: ive been everywhere in the world and u seem to b the only one that makes me alrite]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

whew..im in the best mood iono why!...lol okay wel this weekend was kinda gay but i dont care lol yeah yesterday i did uhm...nothing i woke up at like 2! haha i think i needed the sleep =] yeah wel den my mom made me breakfast! haha and den we went to gLObe and downtown poMOna! nice and off to the grocery store...haha its funny the grocery store (ralphs) has like nothign there kinda sLackIN! haha yeah watebas...ewl got home did nothing fo the rest of the day yeah...ok wel today was pretty nice...woke up ..did the usual den in zero we did buddy letters..haha oh joy..iris says im a drug addict..haha nice.. she noticed..lol jk

in first---mayn was that tyte...lol dude dried ice + Bottle= EXPLOSION haha me and friederike got some plans now lol goin get her ryte fred! lol yeah that was tyte i didnt noe u could do that something wit the pressure but it was cool and wer goin to boil water wit a vacume haha my idea!! NICE!!

in second..uhm did nothing haha we learned uhm how to hook up later on haha and joey and i were stealin matts stuff cuz he frikin got all my bravos!!

third--urgh im starting to hate this class more..my grade is the same !! every single time!! i sware i give up! yeah i got a C+ on my test and i would of gotten a B if he wasnt an ass and let me have the order pair yeah o well...

lunch- it was nice haha alot of laughs,.. "duh what do u expect" "dont duh me" haha "christina did u just say dont duh me" lol good times...yeah...dude clara wanna chill? FUCK Y OU haha u never call me wen u do lol jk got to hook up =]

fourth- haha nice we played pony and dog or watever..we had to rpetend ot be good students cuz eichen was gettin examined by the assistant principle- still good times lol he didnt noe my name! how sad!!! he said my name was michelle..no not really..i can tell i particpate alot mroe so yeah and i found out im an ETHOS type of person haha nice..

fifth- haha SUB! yeah holyl says im not a good friend..said i tarnished are friendship cuz i wouldnt tell her who i liked and i used blackmail..ok no! haha im a good friend..fine u dont think im a good friend holly then ill go in a hole !

sixth and ptactice- ok WTF wer learnin a fuckin routin to the song..SPACE JAM!! omg EMBARASSING!! haha the routine is ..uhm okay? yeah jsut hate wen roc frikin walks in out of no where and ruins it!! yeah wel advice do not go to bbelle!! haha yeah after prac.everyone left me haha i talked xtina mom to takin ehr to driving classes and i talkin to kevin and da other assholes on the soccer team and aileen..watever..dont want to explain..ok

wel manana is..first driving class and then i take the permit test whoot whoot cant wait till i drive haha =] yeaH

on the love triangle..its on a flat board..nothin big nothing small..but watever gots to live the rest of the days like nothing is bothering me yep but you noe its good to b loved and to actually be loved back..hym..yeah

wel i shall talk lata

2003-12-14T00:47:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..ranDom...]
[Feelin- straight calm!-]
[Bumpin-Mya-Fallen]
[wishin- to uhmhum]
[Wanting: you]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]

================================================
wel today was pretty normal actually..im mor elike in a neutral stage so thats good!
okay wel i woke up at 9 listenin to my mom askin me where my xmas list was..iono so i went bak to sleep and like woke up at 11 nobody was home..so i speant an hour finihin the driver handbook den took a nap...after that i got up and went outside to hang some lights and guess who was out in the neighbors yard..ryan and raymond! they made me happy! yeah so i talked wit them for a lil while..den went to go hang lights cuz at that point my bro came home ..wel i hung lghts then came inside to go wrap presents cuz hey we got a tree as well..so wrapped everyones presents and den came online and was makin anotha cmas list..den my dad calls me to go help him den came back talked to my special friends and took a shower after that..got ready and went to alicias party..haha wel we got there and like no one was really there nd a couple mo ppl came and the DJ came and omg he was just either playin a CD or the radio..it was whacK! ok wel me n cel wer just sittin der talkin and we decided hey why not throw a party fo are birthdays!! haha of course =] so we myte be throwin something on lata..yeah wel like it got a lil boring so we called up jose and he acme and picked us up and we chilled at his casa with all the kickback people..yeah it was fun =] first thing i did was took off the high heels! my feet wer frozeN haha phil warmed them till he figured out he was gettin cold yep ///yeah its really odd like..how i liked a guy fo a whole year didnt really talk and now he bascially sits on me and talks..very odd..but thats the past yea found a new love and now time to move on..wel watever..i also came to conclusion that ive been hiding like 2 things that i just now realized..and now ihave 2 secrets so hah! haha yeah..iono its weird but im glad i can finally admit it!! wel im not going to tell u dem at the moment so yeah hym im not even tired! yeah ima have tons of energy tonight haha wel yeah ..

wit an x nd an o-
liss

2003-12-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..back to square 1...]
[Feelin- lost nd confused!-]
[Bumpin-Mya-Fallen]
[wishin- iono nemore]
[Wanting: iono nemore]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]
[QuotE: ..i had fallen head ova heel..and i cant get up i dont want to get up.]

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
morning:
woke up 630..to go to starbucks at 730 wit cel n hol..wel they werent there waited fo 20 mins and left...went home to watch some TV..went to school..got to school and good thing sami brought me starbucks {thankie sami!} yeah wel den da day went like this:
first period-we did nothing but a quiz..an experiment which was cool mr marquez had a little firework experiment wit fire..nice..

second period- i did nothing but write letters and homework..and talk to jolene michelle and emily =]

third period- what can i see i hate that class!! yeah wel went and took the quiz again..yeah o wel i think i did okay? iono i think its stupid how he graded it already and i wasnt even finished watever..

lunch- it was iight ate wit da homettes..we just chilled at a table haha finally and had laughs

fourth- had a sub..haha again..but it was his girlfriend so it was iight..we just did a worksheet..i must haev not been paying attention in that class cuz i didnt even realize the bell had rung fo lunch so yea...

fifth- wel walkin to 5th was funny of course walkin wit clara duh haha she said these lyrics fo mariah carey and we were singing them but it was just like 5 words and we kept repeating them haha it was funny and den we took a new direction on gettin to clase..wel stoklee class is always boring..uhm wrote notes the whole period and sat and thought..

sixth-cheer it was okay..we exchanged gifts thanks jamie!!! yeah got some nice gifts this week =] haha yeah wel we were all nosiy and roc got mad so she made us sit one person per table haha and b quiet and do homework..HAHA NO wen seh walked out of course we disobeyed =]

After school- it was iight hung out wit chris for awhile den mi hermano and billy came and we were talkin bout plans fo tonight and shit den we left and walked down and went home..

got home and we put up xmas lights haha iono wer not done it got dark fast! yeah wel we got half them up =] yeah..now im here and im sick and i dont feel good so i cant do anything =[ o well i kinda need that time off i guess cuz riote now i hate life..and i wish i wasnt livin it but i got no choice

i fell head ova heel fo you-

let my feelers out to some ppl today..they gave me suggestions but iono..its confsuing and im lost and i dont noe wa to do cuz i wanna noe why this shit always happens to me! yeah wel watever i guess i was meant to feel this way and iono i wuold like to noe why im here...ryte now im lettin go of all the feelins i had for people cuz yeah whonoes..wel last night i fell asleep crying and my doggie laid next to me..yeah i guess doggies know whats going on ..kinda cool at least someone was there fo me riote? yeah wel..regardless...

xoxo-liss
====================================================
So many times I look at you
And wonder what I should do
Sometimes it’s just so hard to let go
you are the one for me I know
You have no clue of how I feel
Sometimes life just doesnt feel real
I want to cry all the time
Only because you are not mine
This pain of mine won’t go away
But in a way I wish Itd stay
For if it stays then I hold on to you
and then you might come back too
I don’t want anyone else but you
No one even compares what do I do?
No matter how hard I try
you always stay on my mind
So I will keep on dreaming at night
and dream of you, my Mr. Right
And my only wish could be
that you are also dreaming of me
So many times I look at you
And wonder what I should do
Sometimes it’s just so hard to let go
you are the one for me I know
=======================================================
To tell you I don’t love you
Would be the hugest lie
And if I ever say that
Then I’d want to die
If I ever hurt you
And make you want to cry
If I ever hurt you
Then I’d want to die
I love you very dearly
All though you’re not mine
As long as I know your ok
Then I’ll be fine

2003-12-11T23:27:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..anotha loss...]
[Feelin- tears ruN down slowly!-]
[Bumpin-Mariah Carey-Bringing On The Heartbreak]
[wishin- iono nemore]
[Wanting: iono nemore]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]
[QuotE: ..i guess things change..]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well..wat can i say..i knew it was coming..i guess i wasnt prepared fo it to come this soon..lets start off wit da good i guess...

woke up at 645 i was suppose to wake up at 530..iono wa happened..but i rushed out the house fo celeste present..happy sweet 16 celeste i hope you had a good day..ok wel the day went on like normal melted ice in 1st..it rained after 2nd..but whats so depressing ryte now..i noe everytime i see rain its goin to make me sad...watever..3rd crabtree is an ass go ahead i wish he kills me wit a sledgehammer like he said he would..i dont really care to listen to wa he has to say ne more..went to lunch and it was okay..4th was iight learned some things i guess? theres a sub manana..oh joy hopefully we get 2 lunches..yeah wel den 5th arrive of course ..duh went to the assembly..lot of laughs..starting the wave..yeah..den off to 6..stupid christina pushed me into the giant! dow..ok and we just wer in 6 did nothing cuz we didnt hav a teacher..nice..yeah..wel after that i walked wit christina and tried to find fred and diana so we can jump them didnt work then i hung with holly..yeah in the cold..we slept on the table cuz we were waiting fo celeste nd trisa to come back for there game yea i noe like 3 hours wait..yea wel den we went to go talk wit ag..den yeah den manda and nica came..den yeah plan got screwed but we end up takn cel to dinner and ice cream..den walk through the door knowing drama was coming...yeah..iono its hard fo me to write it cuz its hard fo me to admit i was wrong..all i can say i guess is i knew things were too good to be true.. and maybe i should of listened to people but yea watever....i called nick..im wasting my money to call a friend ingeorigia.. but im glad i called him and im glad he tried cheerin me up and i cant wait fo you to come to cali..yeah iono the time i need people fo support there all asleep! so watever i got my lil blog..yea wel if im out of it dont ask just show love...

xoxo-xasha

thought i dried up all my tears..but i guess i got mo to spare..

2003-12-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..FrEeZin...]
[Feelin- dazED?!-]
[Bumpin-Alicia Keys-You Dont Know My Name]
[wishin- rain!]
[Wanting: you!!]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]
[QuotE: ..until the day i die..i spill my heart for you..]
_____________________________________________________________
WHEW what a day...
woke up at 615-showered did the normal morning shit...got to asb and uhm worked on tnothing,,interesting talks though..iono i guess i kinda say things cuz thats wa ppl want me to say you no wa i mean? haha wel it was iight first was uhm weird..are lab was MELTING ICE! haha nothing exciting! went off to 2nd..den 3rd took a test going to faiL! haha lunch was iighT 4th had a sub mr eichens girlfriend haha nice.den off to 5th and omfg got an A on my test haha..NICE =] yeah and i made the teacher frustrated everyone tell her she had a pet horse! haha shes gets so frustrated its hillarious i cant stop laughin wen i talk about her and her horse haha okay..off to 6th what a waste of my fuckin time!!! urgh ok watever i guess it was just pointless..yeah then i was freezin most of the day..haha but it was iight bit off people warmness =] yea den after school uhm made posters with holly! and i had the feelin where you wanna sit and cry cuz u got all the thigns runnin through head and they aint good but u cant cry..yeah..i felt like that ALL DaY...yeah wel i took it out on poster makin..u noe inhaling those fumes..nice..yeah not then bball came and uhm me and sam worked the back door really interesting conversations..cept shes mad at me for wa i did to myself but it aint my fault but she went off and did it to herself URGH ok yea yeah sam thinks im on something haha iono she said i wasnt being myself..i was ike whoa and i was like looked tired but liked alarmed! haha iono its weird i kinda feel like that whatevas..den i found a new way to make a noise haha nice so i was doin it and vince told me to stop it was distractin there players yeah wateva..now im here..and iono i feel emotionless! im really confused and of these days ima end up get stuck and it b my fault for carryin it out for so long..o well thats me...

DONT FORGET:

TOMMAROW IS MY MEJOR AMIGA CELESTE SWEET 16 haha yay!
love ya cel-

k im outs--

xoxo-Xasha

2003-12-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

me bein lazy...

iight well all n all my day sucked...ok i woke up at 3 am choking i sware to go i was so pist..like my throats acids wer invadin or something i could barly even breathe cuz i was caughin so much so it took me forever to find a drink and pills..wel afta 30 mins i grab a throat launges and slept and my mom woke me up at 630 and my throat drop was still dissolving..yeah so like i wasnt feelin good so i went back to bed..wel 2nd period rolled around and i got ready fo da day..went to school middle of 2nd yep..wel went off to thrid and it was a drag..did nothing..and dne lunch..wasnt feelin really good but o wel..went to fourth had a sub..Many laughs..lol yeah he wouldnt let us go to 2nd lunch though went to 5th...boring..cept i was gettin on eeklots nerves haha..did your horse drink florida swamp water...i couldnt stop laughin..ok den 6.it was iight..kinda just did wateva..stuntin..ok bell ring and we had a soph meetin fo SADiEs! yay even though prolli workin it =[ yeh it should be cool though cant wait..yeah wel den went off wit da cheer folks and we wer hungry so we decided to have some PiZza delivered haha nice..and yea did some random cheer non sense..bonding..ok den had to cheer fo some WrAstlin..lol cant really cheer! but omg..wrestin...it is not fun to b soo daymn close and have to watch some of those boys in some tyte spandex and den yea..you get the point...lol yeah wle den micheal blair got me subway =] NO i will not go do wa u want me to do gEEz! ok den went to work on CC banquet wit trisa and holly had alotta talkin..now im here feelin like shit..and want to like go lay down and sleep butt cant.. o well...wel ima out my thing being updated that why ders no music and im not feelin good to go in depth.

2003-12-08T21:36:00.000-08:00

-XOXO XASHA-

2003-12-08T20:53:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..ouchie...]
[Feelin- sick!-]
[Bumpin-What it is to burn-Finch]
[wishin- snow!]
[Wanting: some throat lounges?]
[Lazin in: jeans nd sweatshirt
[QuotE: ..your the voice inside my head..]

________________________________________________________
so let see...ok last night it was like 1230 and me n my bro decided to sleep on the couch..ok that laster 30 mins haha so i got up and went to my bed! i left the cd player on cuz iono the music at the time helped me go to sleep and i forgot to take it off replay wel i wake up at 4:00 with the words...you give me buterflys by alicia keys playin and like the shower is goin and the dogs r barkin..i was like wtf..so i turned off the radio and closed my door and went to bed..den urgh i hear my mom yellin wakin me up at 630..geez i sware i wanna day wer i never wake up!! haha nice ok yeah wel i disobeyed and snoozed fo like 10 mo mins then got up to my mom yellin..wer goin to b late..so got ready and den went in the car and went to go pick up billy...yea got to school on time :score: wel asb was iight..me sam and nancy wer uhm doin honor roll list? pretty nice we finished...den da bell ran and went to first...yea sucks soo much cuz i think my chem grade is a D+ and it would b a B if she added the presentaion but urgh some fuckin ppl didnt want to present! so it wont be included URGH STUPID PEOPLE!! yeah raelly made me mad...now i think ima be on restriction YIKES! ok went to 2nd OMG TYTEST period hahah ok so i walk in..and liek the sub..he was makin fun of r teacher! cuz r teacher dating the janitor hahahhahaha SUPPOSELY! ok wel yeah he was baggin on her and he didnt care wat we did so like i called holly lol she wouldnt pick up so like she called me and all i hear is "melissa melissa melissa melissa" and im like DAYMN TALK haha yeah it was cool i liked text everyone =] and i slept!! haha nice it was a kik bak period..den off to 3rd URGH im strtin to hate the class..wel he was in a PMS mood so like at the end off the clas he got all..fine im make u guys take the quiz..act like i noe wtf wer even doin!! SUCKS! ok wel theres an F! yeah den went to lunch...it was iight all i got to say is..HO HO HO!! and im proud..dont be jealous iight! yeah went to 4th and like did some play..the class was iight i guess..went to me EEKLOTS room hahaha yeah...uhm..wel it was boring but holly and i make it interestin haha "FUCK HOLLY WHY DONT YOU ASK HER IF YOU CAN WRITE ON THE PAPER!!!" hahaha nice..ok 6 period dun dun dun it was oaky actually...wel practice was pointless.as always. wel we did watever..and my wrist got worse today URGH!! now it hurts again!! tears ok yea wel there was alot of inside jokes....den off to home..and den to da mall finished shoppin..now im here..and im sick!! i sware allt he frikin geeks wer coughin on me ! and billy was sick in the car and eichen sick..fuck ima b sick! ok if yer still readin this you must love me! lol

2003-12-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..Rain on Me...]
[Feelin- ehh ok i was better like 5 mins ago-]
[Bumpin-What it is to burn-Finch]
[wishin- all da yellin to stop]
[Wanting: mo rain]
[Lazin in: jeans nd sweatshirt
[QuotE: ..how can u answer to the question whats wrong when nothings ryte..]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hola okay wel im happy cuz...ITS RAININ..now all i need ish a boyfriend! yeah not happen so guess i got to move on okay neways....urgh i hate it wen my parents fights urgh there always fightin i wouldnt b surprise if my mom left urgh i hate it..anyways get my mind off two things...last night was hella fun..i cant say all details but omg...we were on the roof! it was tight then went drivin around and saw some people and i jumped on celeste and we fell into the grass! and i got slapped really hard liek 50 times! it was just all crazy but fun..i hadnt had that much fun in forever..yeah okay wel today was okay i woke up got did and den off i went to go shoppin..im almsot done ..yea wel i got all the basics done so thats good i saw alot things i put on my list as well =] yeah and den now im here...hip hip horray...yeah about to eat some turkey..yeah thanksgivin all over again..even after roc told us not to eat turkey meals ever again...haha my ass plus u aint goin to prac. on monday so doesnt really matter...neways i cant wait fo tommarow iwant it go well..like i want to forget all the bad and hope some good happens...yeah and i hope it rains too..ya..im kinda urgh ryte now on love nd friends...i guess its my fault seriously im blamin in all on me...its my fault the love prolli gone its my fault are groups is detached..yep yep and i hope during winter break things start to change cuz a new year is comin and i aint goin to slack off like ive been doin the past year..aww its kinda sad..like i jsut realized..this friday ish lupes birthday and i aint goin to see her fo her birthday =[ iono like i myte but iono sucks THATS WHY I HATE HAVING BEST FRIENDS cuz i lose them all the time..think bout it..samantha and me dont even talk ne more..Jessica and lupe we all barly dont talk unless its online or hang out once a month and iono very strange for me thats why i dont want best friends..nope cuz they never last..o wel..and o mayn..i found my suprofile..haha and it had ooo many things from the apst..i had to sit and reflect it was crazy but den i heard da parental yellin so i kinda stopped and waited to see who was goin to slam the door or throw something..yeah ..wel i think im done for now..

2003-12-06T16:13:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..kasAbas!..]
[Feelin- good-]
[Bumpin-What it is to burn-Finch]
[wishin- hym i wonder]
[Wanting: fooD]
[Lazin in: jeans nd a tee]
[QuotE: ..this life is to short..to live life without u..]
...................................................................................................................
howdy howdy okay ish uhm sat and its been a long day! yeah wel i woke up and den my mom took me to the harvest festival to get some gifts..o joy i like bought all the ppl that wer on my.. have no chocie to get .. list haha yeah and we ate some hot dog on a stick yum wit some lemonade yum! yeah den we left den we went to my brother wrestling tournament..haha daymn can u feel the sweat! haha yeah its was cool ..very interesting to watch of course =] wel yeah are team did goods my bro went up 2 times and won both of them so yeah..and saw mikey chris and dem rastle as well..yeah wel den now im here but yesterday was okay i guess..da day went by normal..den came the bball games haha mayn it sucked cuz freshmen took sooo long that we didnt start r game till like 5-6 ish sucked but it was all good...soo much yellin! haha and wen r game came on omg..we were all in some hyper moods cuz we were makin up some cheers and like dancing and all this shit one of the funnest games all year! haha =] yeah den i took matt home and went to me casa and cel tri and hol wer all waiting outside fo me so i had to hurry up nd change and then off we go to islands! yum alot talkin..always good =] yea havent had one of those bondin times in a long time yeah and we saw tim!! OMG haha all i got is say.is whew....yeah den we walked to borders..geez we almost got kicked out fo readin and laughin so hard..lol den i came home talked on the internet wit me love and steph..den ryan called me and didnt get off da phone till lik 2 ish yep yep wat a night but neways im hopin i go out tonight haha yeah should be fun ?

yeah wel my dad is yellin at me to put of xmas lights...haha ima end up doin dem by meself since celeste isnt home!! haha okay..welim out.ToNS of HOEni HOenI!!!!

2003-12-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..nO SchOOl!..]
[Feelin- sleepy-okay-]
[Bumpin-Yellowcard-Way Away]
[wishin- to go to the beach!]
[Wanting: sOme suN!]
[Lazin in: sweatpants and a tank]
[QuotE: ..this life is to short..to live life without u..]

==============================================
grr i wrote this long entry last night and i forgot to save it! pissed me off..o well i guess youll have to do with a skim haha...

iight wel i woke up like at 12 today after goin to bed at 3 am! yeah i was talkin to ryan on the phone and like it was weird cuz i never knew i had the feelins i had it just all kinda poured out and ended up tellin him everything adn got some great feeback too...thanks ryan its always nice to noe your der fo me =] love ya! wel yeah den like i went to watch some after hour..yeah i havent watched music videos in forever..ok den i decided to go to bed..got to do some dreaming..the only place in my head where my wishes actually do come true..sometimes it sucks when you dream and liek you wake up wishin that yer whole dream was true but it isnt and you have the feelin that it will never be...iono bring my whole aspect down..o wel..yeah yesterday was pretty cool wel yesterday we gave ean a ride home and omg...lets jstu say he talked about gettin girlfriends and shit and my dad was all like melissa you never told me you had a boyfriend OMG there goes the questionin i was like i dont and all this and my dad doesnt believe me now urgh it wouldnt b big deal to somr people but i dont liek ahvin my parents in my business cuz it just maeks things worse! yea espcially when they found out bout me and umhum last year so watever..neways my dad took us to wendys got online and den went to go watch the OC haha Chrismakkah! haha nice that episdoe was kinda good it reminded me of a situation im goin through at the moment wit summer and anna..urgh o wel i can already see where my problems goin neways =/ yeah den went online and yeah back to the top of it haha..

wel today i plan on uhm...lazing around...but my mom makin me do all my chores! sucks cuz i havent done them for like 2 weeks so theres sooo much ahah plan on watchin some tRL! haha i remember i use to always watch that wen i was lil yeah..den make a xmas list fo my parents to buy me den uhm..take a shwoer and im off to my brother banquet..o joy..haha wel i get to see my love so its all good and i get to eat even better..yeah

its been weird latly..like i would have the best days..but den ryte wen school is over or my ride is here they turn out kinda depressin! yeah iono...i think its cuz i think to much and the things i wanna do arent goin to happen..but iono ive been listen to alot of people and maybe wa der tellin me is true..iono so confused..cuz if they are ryte..den iono im screwed and inoe i aint goin to take it well..yeah

wow ima b broke...
Santos Sweet 16..MANANA!
Celestes Sweet 16..7 days!
Lupes Sweet 16..8 mo days
Hollys Sweet 16..23 days!
yay my sweet 16 ...34 days!
Amandas Sweet 16...48 days!

officially missin you..dont think i would do wat i do if it werent fo u..dont think i would live wit out you..think im truly fallen fo u

2003-12-02T16:46:00.000-08:00

[Callin it: ..im sure one day..]
[Feelin- sad.stupid.like a bitch ]
[Bumpin-Amanda Perez- Never]
[wishin- if i could jsut erase some things i did to make this all go back to normal]
[Wanting: this feelin to go away]
[Lazin in: some sweats and a sweatshirt]
[QuotE: i was so blind..but now i see...]

Things that God told me:
Thebigbang2003: i did, but you just so not important, it wasnt worth remembering

The Big Bang2003: awwwwww, your so bloody sweet.....to bad your gonna burn in hell

The Big Bang2003: i hate you

guess you got to love GOD dontcha? lol

..................................................................................................................................

if i had the chance to go back and redo things i would and i would love if i could and things fo me r just gettin worse and i rather die rye now so i noe at least u still loved me but iono its hard but watever im tired of listenin to other people tell me whats right for me cuz then i have to prove to them and i cant just hide wa i feel okay watever i aint lettin go for once in my life i feel im in the right place at the rite time..wel at least i think who noes i could already be lost..

a poem from me to you

There is one thing you need to know, no one could ever love you so, i love you truely with all my heart and i knew it from the start. being with you gets better each day, Because you listen to all i have to say, You make me so happy you keep me nice and warm, You cheer me up when i feel down, whenever im around you its impossble to frown, so please dont ever leave me, cuz i will be sad and blue I will also really miss you, because of the fact that my love for you is really true!

anyways today was so frikin yeah kinda angry cuz are frikin friendship circle is based on who can out do one another or whose cooler or all that shit i dont care i just want all my frined to get together liek we use to but iono wont happen for awhile cuz someone of them want to grow up way to fast..yeah wel my day was fine in the morning i got up got to school on time talked wit em and sam went to class had a sub went to 2nd and after 2nd was horrible all i gotta say is for once in yer life think bout other and not yourself cuz im tired of beein yer frikin follower ..ok yeah 3rd was okay i guess i suck at math i discovered and i dont see a point in it lunch was cool i ate with trisa as she was makin certificates and we talked and got everything out..and den 4th we did afrikin play and of course you noe the words "your honor students i expect more from you guys" so i voluntered since he bascially already doesnt like me..ok then went to 5th and it was fun cuz we frikin won jeopardy and its all the people who dont give a shit bout the class and we fuckkin smoked out the "geeks" haha nice clara..iight wel yeah 6 was okay..cept i heard some comments i didnt need to hear but whateva go ahead put ony our attitude cuz i goin to apologize..cuz i noe u say the same shit to..then after urgh day wer all thse emotions moved in..ok wel yeah talekd to amanda and veronica bout some important shiznits and amanda i have an idea haha ok wel yeah and den went to talk to holly "took a walk" sliding down poles lol iono i just hope one day i fall and just yeah..ok lol yeah wel then got blown off but watever ok that was it my day now im stuck here doin CHemisrty Essay urgh i sware i do everything last minute haha den i got to do History project yikes okat wel its goin to be long ass night plus im sure some conversations are goin to arise...

One thing im waiting fo.. TO FUCKIN KICK C***O*NS ass i sware to fuckin god clara lets get her.. fuck bitch u wanna talk shit then lets go cuz im tired of your whining jockin no exisitin ass...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and i apologize to some special people i wasnt in a good mood to talk

somE mo stuff i do wen im bored..
+||SECTION ONE: At The Moment||+
1. Name: Melissa
2. Nicknames: lissa, missy, wissa, m
3. Feet size: 7
4. Do you have a crush? yeah
5. Boyfriend: nopes
6. Age you act: who noes
7. Where Do You Live: Cali
8. Where you want to live: Cali
9. Birthplace:Long beach
10. Favorite Salad Dressing: Ranch
11. Ever gone skinny dipping? iono have i?
12. What are you watching? the thing blink
13. Last person you talked to: emily balandra =]
14. Favorite movie: findin nemo!
15. Favorite Book: wtf is a book
16. Favorite Type of music: depends
17. Favorite types of cars: trUcks =]
18. Favorite Saying: hoeni hoeni
19. Favorite Fast Food: iN-n-out!!
20. Favorite Ice Cream: vanilla
21. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: haha almost anything =]
22. When Do You Go To Sleep: when im sleepy
23. Most Embarrassing Moment: uhm theres soo many..
24. Stupidest Person you know: hym i wonder..
25. Funniest Person you know: almost everyone
26. Favorite holiday: christmas
27. Favorite Food: yum nething
28. Favorite Song: got soo many
29. Favorite Television Show: OC haha
30. Favorite Radio Station: 106.7 99.1 105.9 102.7 100.3 103.9 the usual
31. Favorite junk food: sour candies
32. Favorite sappy love song: dangerously in love/beyonce
33. Favorite Drink: lemonade
34. Favorite article of clothing: my scarf
35. Favorite Animal: penguins, otters, dogs, white fluffy seals

+||SECTION TWO: The Future||+
1. School: diamond Ranch HS
2. Where You Want To Live: Cali
3. How Many Kids You Want: 2-3
4. What Kind Of Job You Want: nE thing i like with a passion..
5. Wedding song: iono one dat me n my hubbie like together =]
6. Pets? Doggies
7. Car? stationwagon wtf haha no..trucks =]
8. 5 years from now? Still in school single nd poor
9. 10 years from now? 25..singles pregnant poor
10. 20 years from now? 35..single 2 kids divorced poor lol

+||SECTION THREE: Have You Ever..||+
1. Done Drugs: uhm..
2. Run Away From Home: uhhh wen i was lil i did
3. Hit A Girl: yea
4. Lied: who hasnâ€™t? =/
5. Stolen Anything:yeah from alberstons haha
6. Broken A Bone: nope
7. Cheated On A Test: who hasnâ€™t
8. Cheated On A Boyfriend: nope never
9. Gotten Drunk: haha of course
10. Been With Two guys/girls At Once: no never
11. Been In The Hospital: yeah all da time
12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: yea duh thats what friends are for
13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: sadly yes
14. Gone to Church: nope only went once and i was like 5 haha im goin to hell i noe
15. Never slept during a night: yes, just up thinking
16. Ever been on a motorcycle or motorbike: yeah
17. Been to a camp: yeah -6 grade camp haha memories
18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: fuck yeah all the time we get water and sit there fors hours haha
19. Seen someone die: sadly yeah and it sucks soooo much
20. Gone a week w/out shaving: haha yeah
21. Didn't wash your hair for a week: yuck no
22. Broken something valuable: yeah myheart
23. Thought you were in love: yeah
24. Streaked the streets: no
25. Screamed at someone for no reason: yah .. excuse: pms
26. Said I love you and meant it: yeah
27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: yeah
28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: yeah even longer
29. Pulled a prank? haha yea
30. Made fun of someone? who doesnâ€™t?

+||SECTION FOUR: Which Is Better..||+
1. Coke Or Pepsi: pEpsi
2. Cats Or Dogs: dogs
3. DVDs or VHS: DVD
4. Deaf Or Blind: blind cuz den ppl can love you fo yer personality and not wa u see
5. Pools Or Hot Tubs: depends if im cold or hot
6. Television Or Radio: TV they bascially have the radio as a station nowadays haha
7. CDs Or MP3's: cd i cant work my mp3 player =/
8. Apples or oranges: depends
9. Strawberries or Blueberries: STRAWBERRIES
10. Gold or silver: silver
11. Vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
12. Movies or music: music
13. Park or Beach: beach!!
14. Hot or Cold weather? Cold.. so you can cuddle wit da one special person =]
15. Sunset or Sunrise? Sunset.. the most romanic cuz u have the rest of the evening to think.. n fall asleep =)

+||SECTION FIVE: When is the Last Time You..||+
1. Took a shower:this morning
2. Cried: last time i cried was prolli yesteday?
3. Watched a Disney movie: Finding nemo!!
4. Given/gotten a hug: today =] from all mi amigos..
5. Been to the movies: a hellah long time..
6. had a boy/girlfriend: last year round this time
7. kissed someone: uhm like a month ago
8. Said I love you: uhm actually meanin serious i love you was prolli last year a love you that i hope turns into a serious one iono yesterday
9. danced: 3 weeks ago even though i dont dance haha
10. did a survey like this: yesterday

+||SECTION SIX: What is..||+
1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: meeting new people-becomin closer to others
2. Your Most Prized Possession: my dogs
3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: talkin to that special someone and seeing my friends
4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast: Coco Rice Krispies =]
5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: gumbo
6. Your Favorite Slow Song: so many
7. Your Ideal BF/GF: all the qualities in you

+||SECTION SEVEN: What do you think about..||+
2. Love at First Sight: shallow ppL
3. Abortion: lest not talk bout that
4. Smoking: GIVE HUGS NOT DRUGS haha samantha..
5. Death: you live.. you die..
6. Eating disorders: there other ways to solve it
7. Rap: uhm..its iight sometimes..
8. Marilyn Manson: uhm yea
9. Premarital sex: whatever floats uR boat
10. Suicide: think.. before ur actions

+||INFORMATION||+
1. full birth name: Melissa Marie Bordenave
2. hair color: Brown
3. eye color: hazel
4. current height: 5â€™4 5'5
5. glasses/contacts: nopes
6. birthdate: January 7th
7. religion: god?
8. current age: 15
9. siblings: ya
10. siblings age: 14
11. location: im homeLess
12. college plans: NYU! haha berkly , san diego , wateva
13. any piercings: yes ..

+||SOCIAL||+
1. best girl friend: uhm..
2. best guy friend: Jonthan Avila and Ryan Ramriez [happy jonna yer first!]
3. current crush: daniel
4. boyfriend/girlfriend: nopes
5. are u center of attention or wallflower: whonoes
6. what type automobile do u drive: illegally?
7. are u timely or always late: in between haha
8. do u have a job: nope soon though =/
9. do u like being around people: yeah
10. hobbies: .......thinkingâ€¦â€¦

+||LOVE||+
1. have u ever loved someone u had no chance with? yeah most of the time
2. have u ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did? yes
3. do u have a "type" of person u always go after: yeah
4. want someone u don't have right now? ...yeah
5. ever liked a close guy/girlfriend? yeah
6. are u lonely right now? haha yea
7. ever afraid u'll never get married? nah
8. do u want to get married? yes
9. do u want kids? yeah
10. would you rather love or be loved?... u have to love to be loved =D

+||FAVORITES||+
1. room in house: my room
2. type of music: nething
3. location for dates: a night just kickin it..
4. memory: watchin celeste trip ona sidewalk while doin one of are bunni thigns!!
5. day of the week: fridays
6. color: lavender/white/black/red
7. perfume or cologne: perfume!
8. flower: roseâ€¦
9. month: January
10. season: spring

+||In the last 48 hours have you.. ||+
1. cried: not really
2. bought something: yes.. lunch?
3. gotten sick: yeah
4. sang: ya afta school today wen veronica said the worDs haha
5. said i love u: nope
6. wanted to tell someone u liked them but didn't: no
7. met someone new: yea
8. moved on: iono
9. talked to someone: yeah
10. had a serious talk: yes..
11. missed someone: every moment of everyday
12. hugged someone: yes
13. kissed someone: no
14. fought with your parents: yea
15. dreamed about someone u can't be with: everynight
16. had a lot of sleep: nope fo some reason i cant sleep latly

2003-12-01T21:18:00.000-08:00

drIp drop DrIp DrOp dRip DrOp
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And I can't believe
That she's the one you really love
And I can't believe
That she has your heart
Cause it seems to me
She's the one that you're thinking of
And I can't believe that he is gone
And she's the one who took your love away
I can't believe it's true
That you're not in my life, life
So tell me what did we go wrong, ooh baby
So now that you're gone
All I do is count the days
I'm sorry that you didn't wanna stay
But I will be loving you any way, hey
Mya- Cant Believe
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2003-12-01T17:52:00.000-08:00

[TiTLE: raIndRops..they just shatter anyways]
[Feelin- reaLly up n abOUT xD ]
[Bumpin-Ashanti- Rain On Me]
[wishin- just to live and to b with the ppl i wanna b with and not have a fuckin competition
[Wanting: SoMe dInnEr and SOme Frikin RaiN!]
[QuotE: IVe MAde up mY mind anD im wAstin my Time and nothing herE to keeP me warM...]

WhOoO doesnt it sound all DramatIc! CreEpy..
=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=
wat a day..
started off really bad...i sware my mom and brother in the mornin make me so mad in the morning that why im always late for ZeRO i sware i left the car yellin at my mom..watever okay wel wenT to Zero-did NOthing but stand there cuz sam and i came to conclusion that there liek frikin 70 people to cut one piece of paper..yeah watever so in first i was so PIST cuz i got a frikin 14/50 on my chemistry exam..and wen they average up its a 55/100 i SWARE i did everythign ryte cept the fuckin equation URGH okay wel yea..then 2nd was iight actually...learned some espanol..not haha yeah then off to 3rd its was okay i dont noe why im in that class or at least honors cuz i dont noe any math! i always ednd up askin amanDa or Trisa and one of these days there goin to blow with all my questions haha yeah lo SienTO! ok wel yeah then lunch was okay found out alot information..and then off to 4tH o Geez i sware when he said.."and all those people who ditched on wednesday" i was bout to throw soemthing at him o wel..and then 5th was iight stupid green notes and aruguin bout FlorIda and CaLI the uSual lol and 6th it was pretty FuN! haha yeah cept wen Christina shoved me in the nose it hurted liek a mofo haha ok wel yeah "SANTA ISNT REAL :DOES A LIL DANCE:" haha yeah then after school chilled with hoLLy i had alotta energy and i think i noe why..then u noe i f have a good day at the end there always seomthing that brings it down wel i was listen to the 2 people talk and of course a subject that i wish was dead cuz i goin to even compete iight let u noe that now cuz you noe if thats how it goin to play that i aint goin say nething cuz im not someone leftovers wel yea.. and im happy cuz i finished painting my rooM so PuRdy! ok yeah im done haha ttyL

sOMe Fill Out shiznits..

If i were a month id be...December..

If I were a day of the week Id be....Friday

If i were a time of day I'd be.....the time you fell asleep..

If i were a planet I'd be....jUpitoR..

If i were a sea animal id be....a White Fluffy Seal....

If i were a direction Id be.....east...

If i were a piece of furnitute id be.....the bed

if i were a liquid id be....a tear drop..

if i were a stone id be....a diamond..

if i were a tree id be....a hibiscuss tree...

if i were a bird id be....white dove..

if i were a tool id be....a screw driver..

if i were a flower id be....a white rose..

if i were a kinf of weather id be....rain..

if i were a musical instrument id be...drums..

if i were an animal id be....an otter

if i were a color id be.........lavender/white/black/red

if i were and emotion id be.........triste..

if i were a vegatable id be.......a tomato...(not sure what you are)

if i were a sound id be.........the sound of a gun shot

if i were an element id be.........hydrogen

if i were a car id be.......a truck..=D

if i were a song id be…everytime..

if i were a food id be........gumbo..

if i was a dessert id be...ICe Cream

if i were a state id be........hawaii

if i were a material id be.........satin

if i were a taste id be.........sour

if i were a sceant id be.... love spell..

if i were a word id be.........ANIMOSITY or AMBIGOUS

if i were an object id be........your pillow..

if i were a body part id be.......the heart..

if i were a facial expression id be... a iono face =O/

if i were a subject in school id be... lunch

if i were a cartoon character id be.... snow white

if i were a shape id be.....a circle

If I were a drink id be...lemonade

If I were a drug id be...your drug..

if i were a number id be........7 and 14

2003-11-29T23:03:00.000-08:00

[TiTLE: a nyte in the town]
[Feelin- anxious xD ]
[Bumpin-Blink 182- feelin dis]
[wishin- to go party!]
[Wanting: hym i wonder!]
[Note: introduce madre to certain peeps so i can actually go to there houses ]
[QuotE: how can u answer to whats wrong when nothings rite]
=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.
whoot whoot just got home from stormin the spectrum with celeste quite interstin wel first we went to ikea to find shit for my room i found so many thigns geez cant wait to see the final product ikea got some nice shit! haha then my mom dropped us off at the spectrum and we went to eat at islands niCE..then walked to tillys haha invaded the store yea then walked to anchor blue and shit then went to borders and wrote down my xmas list haha i found some clothes iw ant =D yah i myte go get them manana maybe yeah then walked to the movies and wat a site nobdoy was there so we walked to starbucks and drink are starbucks haha we were suppose to go to joses casa but then again no ride to get there and no ride home my mom now says she would of took us if she knew the people goin geez so yeah i kinda wanted to get knocked out but o wel always got next weekend and the weeknds after that haha till i die...yeah wel celeste and i are goin to....go to ------- for her birthday haha and have a surprise fiesta fo myne haha cant wait cant wait got to get my shirt =] yeah wel other wise my day was iight i got my frikin stars painted NICE i sware there so fuckin awesome best idea i ever came up with lol yeah wel other wise i guess this 4 day weekend been pretty nice alot of stress and thing to not worry bout yeah cant wait to winter break though why..cuz nick comin to town again!! YAY but ill only get to see him for like half a day but it all good seein him is just plain awesome since i never get to see him till xmas wel yeah so cant wait fo dat and plus it winter break act liek ima b home everyday haha geez i was so innocent b4 high school..not lol yeah and also the break made me come to realize that i can miss certain people mo den i ever b4 wel yea...wel love ya guys mucha ..xlissx

2003-11-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

[TiTLE: dustbunnies]
[Feelin- tired ZzZ..]
[Bumpin- Stacie Orrico -Gotta be mor to life]
[wishin- fo sleEp]
[Wanting: my white paint!]
[random: 26 Mo days Till ChristmaS]
[QuotE: your the only thing that wakes me and makes me smile ]
=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=
its like late afternoon and im so tired! haha yeah i woke up like at 10 and ate breakfast! for the frist time in forever yeah then the work came..i took apart my closet grr and i put mroe pictures on my door i took everything i want to sale at the friggen garage sale..and now im at the process of making a walkway to my bed haha yeah wel im waiting fo my white paint so i can paint the stars! haha yay my paiting will b done thank goodness wel yea i couldnt put Xmas lights up not till i did my room first..so next weekend yeah ..wel i feellike i inhaled like 50 thousand dustbunnies and i still need to shower cuz i do not want to be stuck at home tonight haha prolli go out and do something yeah wel here my interesting convo of the day..

eliesesay: lol so im saleing all my barbie shit
eliesesay: haha
DaLiteofMyLife: hahahahah
eliesesay: lol wel some of the shit cuz I want my kids to have most of it lol
DaLiteofMyLife: hahaha so if you have all boys your going to give it to your sons?
eliesesay: haha hell yeah
DaLiteofMyLife: hahaha loser
eliesesay: boys that play wit dolls become nice to girls later on
eliesesay: hahahaha
DaLiteofMyLife: hahaha and gay!
celeste says my kids are goin to b gay..no there not haha yeah wel if u didnt noe wen u use to open my colset all you saw was barbie shit well im saleIN it all! haha wel most of it but yeah...all my childhood shit is now in trashbags haha o wel ima go finish some cleanin...

haha clara u noe u LOVE THE SONG!!! lol

2003-11-28T23:02:00.000-08:00

[TiTLE: the TuRkey is Gone BuT the HearT still WantINg]
[Feelin- great =D]
[Bumpin- Brand New- The Quiet Thing That No One Ever Knows]
[wishin- fo you]
[Wanting: yum ice cream-BuBble baTh-RaIn-and you]
[random: 7 mo days till santos sweet 16]
[QuotE: If you cant get someone off your mind maybe its because theyre supposed to be there..]
[DedIcateD to: mIsz CelestE hoOks]
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
what a day..im like that happiest person since i read amanda blog! haha i look down and what do i see a cute lil music box! OMG i was jumping! haha yeah finally can play some daymn music and i dont even have to download YAY okay wel yeah so my music will b changin everyday..wel neways the day went by iight..i got caught up on talkin to people haha like veronica..PABLO AND PANCHO haha just like ADVIL AND MIDOL! lol yeah and amanda..SUZY AND ARMANDO..and chris..geez people these days haha celeste i love ya and things get better..and I TALKED to holly yay yea she ate armarillos for thanksgiving haha nice and bunch of other peoples yeah..wel im sitting here thinking if im wasting my time away but i guess ill have to find out and see soooner or later it will come to me yep yep..i finished my top coat in my room yay its weird like its magenta with pink and lil purple but its nice haha now i need my white paint so i cant paint stars! cant wait! wel yeah celeste myte come over tomarrow so me and her can put up christmas lights! haha yay!! i cant wait i love xmas all the love in the air yes and me and my neighbor like kinda have an xmas light battle and guess what were goin to beat them againt this year =] duh cuz me n celeste are putting htem up haha and den later in the day i think i might go to the movies wit nica and amanda to watch eLF! haha yeah but i cant wait till friday santos birthday so that we can all watch HONEY!! yesh!! cant wait its been awhile since we all hung out like that yah kinda miss hanging wit certain people..yea o wel wer all growin up :tears: wel yeah last night was tight cuz me and stacy stayed up online till like late and we wrote the kickin poem all the way down there yeah best work weve ever done and we even posted it on this poem site..yeah iono writing ish comin back to me kinda good in a way i guess its just a way fo me to get all that shit that happened in the past out..yea o welp..
as i was painting my room i found these pictures of me and lupe and me and jessica and i started to like cry..iono i miss them sooo much yeah its hard losing a best friend expecially 2 of them but i know now there still there yeah and always will be when i need them but yeah

[dedicatIon] to my celeste cuz she needs someone in her life and im glad that im the one she trusts i wish you the best of luck and best not worry too much cuz den u wont get to see the goods in life and im thankful to have you in my life helpin me get through my storms and just having you there to make me laugh! i really enjOy havin u to talk to and you know if you ever need me im here 24/7 muahs- Xasha

[Hasta Pasta- xlissx]

I wanna be the only hand you need to hold....

2003-11-28T18:21:00.000-08:00

[MOOD] very good mood =]
[Bumpn] All American Rejects-Last Song
[wishn] fO yOu

OMG AMANDA I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH U MADE ME WISH COME TRUE HAHAHAH SUZY AND ARMANDO!!!! shh dont tell eric! lol

im soo bored

haha look wat i was called today..
ALExiSONfiR3: dont worry ill break up with him for u anytime and hes fine with it
--haha 10 mins later--
StRik3 AnyWhErE2: haha
StRik3 AnyWhErE2: heartbreaker
lol the love from james and arash

heres some poeTRy:

As I wake it begins my heart races and my mind shutters.
I can't think of anyone but you. I stopped bleeding and stopped hurting
The more is see and speak to you the more I care. When I'm asleep dreaming or Awake I see you everywhere. I try to talk I try to walk but I only begin to shake. I'mNot sure how to feel, I never felt this way before. All I know is I just want to feel this way forever more. I just want to hold you and never let go. ==by chris===

Alone again, cold inside my tears begin, so I run and hide. All is lost until I see you then I know that I'm not alone. Together we will be, we will prove them all wrong though it will take time, for you time is all I have.
The pain comes back and than subsides I no longer have to run and hide. I'm with you and I hope we end this never but the saying goes nothing last forever. We aren't nothing and we are something and I never want to let go. ==by chris==

where is love when there are tears running down yur cheeks and im gone. where is love when im pouring my viens into the world. its nothing and everything at the same time. it brings me so much pain yet i cant live with out it. i wake up in a dazed stated and the sun shines through my glass window was it a drea all along>? no it was real my window is still stained with blood in ur name and im lying in a pool. i wont ever wake to this again, i'll shut my eyes and hope to never see the light of day again. ok im done.==by chris==

the night began fine we had a couple of drinks and a sip of wine you took me out to yer car i guess i didnt noe u would go that far i looked at u and u said u loved me then i believed u.. you said if i did then u would do watever u wanted to i gave in..u took me in the car and the oh so fun started to begin i started to scream trying to leave but all of sudden u pulled that blade out on me u told me not to tell neone what happened or i would see what would happen ..so i left the car running into the opening the next day at school u n yer crew wer sittin der passin da news acting like u wer it but i bet no girl is ever goin to take yer shit i walked tha halls got called the names i couldnt take all this pain i ran to the bathroom and decided to take away this pain i grabbed my marker and wrote on the wall everything u did to me and there i sit splittin my wrist wondering why i beleived all yer shit..==mi==

I usually dont believe in love at first sight.
But when I saw you you changed me that night
You rearranged the heavens and sorted out the stars
Then you asked me “Can we go out to my car?”
I believed you and took your hand
You walked me out there We sat in your van
You tied my hands and spread my legs far
I cant believe I trusted you, and went to your car
How could you do it I dont understand
Why did you do it So now you’re a real man
If youre a real man admit to it all
That you raped me and what you recall
I remember your hands touching me that way
I couldnt even move scared of what youd say
From that moment on, I decided to give in
Let you fuck me and go right in.
My 15th birthday,was hell for me
When I look in your eyes that night is all I see.
You acted like you loved me and like you really cared.
That night on when I saw you I was unbelievably scared I was upset from that very first touch
While you were saying “ I love you oh-so-very much!”
If you really love me you wouldn’t have done it.
Now Im mortifie from that night of sh*t.
You felt threatened by something that I said
So you pulled out the knife to threaten me…you did
You threatened me with that pain-giving knife
“If you dare tell anyone, ILL TAKE YOUR FUcKIN’ LIFE!
I kept my mouth closed Closed so very tight
So I wouldn’t recall the pain, from that pain-giving nightNow as I sit here, and I recall what happened that nightI might not be dead but you really took my lifeYou gave me a doubt a doubt within my heart That no one will be kind or passionate when they start
You also gave me fear and hatred within Only hating everybody and always in sin
When I see or hear the name of you My hatred all comes back to the thought of you.
If you made a baby, within me that night Would I have to keep it, and be your only “precious sight”?
That day you came back, to apologize to meTears rolling down my cheeks was all you could see
I didn’t say anything, instead let you come in
So we could maybe be friends all over againYou were hurt by what I said
“Im not gonna forgive! You hurt me, YOU DID!”
You then said the craziest thing“My love for you will last, it’s a never ending fling!”
You then threatened me again by pulling out a gun I started screaming, you thought it was fun.
You pointed it to me, and asked so seriousl“Can you realize this love for you is free?”You pointed the gun towards me with one handI was frozen in my steps, I could barely standI wasn’t ready to die, I wanted to live
I then heard a gunshot, from that gun withinWith in your hands it lay so gently
Yet you took your life so willinglyI dont know if you died because you regretI dont know if you died because I couldnt forgetI did trust you once, a long while back Then you crushed it all when you made me try to fight backI forgive you now I have to let it go Its the best thing Ive ever done though What you did changed me way too much that night.That memory will be with me throughout my entire life
==stacy y yo leeCiE=

2003-11-28T14:52:00.000-08:00

so i wake up at like 9 nd no one is home..prolli out christmas shoppin fo presents i end up finding..and like it was all peaceful and quiet and the doorbell rings and its this guy and i dont want to answer it so i made him wait outside and den like he waited in my yard for like 10 mins and im sitting here watchin him and chatting and he leaves and den like 2 hours hell breaks lose and my parents come home and ryte wen the door opens.."Melissa get the fuck over here" i sware to god i hate my fuckin parents..my dad yells at me fo no fucking reason and what he was yellin at me for wasnt even my fuckin fault so watever i dont giv a shit and they wonder why i dont tell them shit or talk to them...wel i went to room and went to sleep cuz tahts all i can do and den got up and finish painting my room! finally i cant wait iono its a big stress realiver! yeah..wel next step is puttin up the stars so yay..ok wel yeah now as im waiting of it to dry i kept thinkin bout wednesday..iono why just weird iono it hurts kinda to hear those comments you wish wer true..but o well theres nothing i can do about it its all up to that person..wel ima about to be broke! my fuckin bracket broke again so now it comes out of my frikin pocket! 50 bucks down the frikin drain and this time i was eating turkey! urgh iono i havent told my da yet =/ dont want to get yelled at even mo today..well i was suppose to go shoppin today but my mom doesnt want to go through the crowds so i told her shes just goin to have to pay more and she said watever so owel..yeah im giving u guys a job for this next week..if u see me drinkin soda(i dont drink it unless theres nothing else to drink) or chocolate take it away from me cuz yeah i need to break my habit..iight wel LOoKie here my paint is drying ill write later..

2003-11-27T23:07:00.000-08:00

my thanksgivin is uhm boring haha didnt get to do the one thin i wanted =[ but owell ill share it later ...yeah i went to my aunts house ate some gumbo turkey ham and the side cookings yep ype talk wit the familia and left.came home and did watever and like just ofound out i broke my bracket again URGH i was soo mad cuz my brackets are gay so watever..

argh im soo fugin bored...here more info on me..

Full Name: doesnt matter
Nicknames: doesnt matter
Age: 15
Sex: sure why not.....ima chick
Single or Taken: havent been swept off my feet by my prince charming yet.
Grade: sophomore
Current Location: doesnt matter
Date of Birth: january 7 1988
Astrological Sign: a goat...capricorn
Where do you live?: en un casa
Who do you live with: Mi madre mi padre mi hermano y mi tres perros
Parents name: dianne y jerome
Siblings name: jason
What elementry School did you go to?: uh..westmont and ranch hills
What middle school did you go to: uhm..lorbeer
What High School do you go to: diamond ranch

Skin Deep

Ethnicity: frikin creoles =P
Eye Color: Who noe anymore they change colors all the time..hazel
Hair Color: brown.
Height: iono 5'5?
GLasses or Contacts: uhm i havent worn my glasses since..7th grade haha
Piercings: 2
Tattoos: nada
Shoe Size: 7

Last...

Thing You've Eaten: gumbo...again frikin creoles haha
Person youve called: jonathan?
Person Thats called you: Stacy
Person Youve IM-ed: Amanda
Person Youve Emailed: iono
Movie you saw in the theather, and with who? uhm its been so long since i sat in a frikin teather prolli back in july i think it was "How to Deal" with celeste holly and trisa
Movie you rented: haha me and celeste rented finding nemo, bend it like beckham,chasing papi, stich 2, charlies angels 2 all last night haha
Things you with your family: went to my aunts house for thanksgivin
Things you did with your friends: me and celeste chilled at my casa last night and cooked dinner and watched movies
Thing you wrote: poems..
things youve bought: uhm..gum?
Time you cried: MOnday and Tuesday
Time you Laughed: yesterday wen celeste and i were cookin
Time you fell: depends..fell as in tripped uhm not for along time ...fell in love..in the middle of october..
Swam: Aww i miss swimming not for a long time! SUMMER come back
Time you showered: this morning
Person youve Shared a Drink With: My brother?
Place you Slept Over: in ryans car
Time youve seen snow: last year?
TIme youve seen Hail: Like 2 weeks ago?
Song youve listened to: october nights-yellowcard
Song Youve had stuck in your head: Everytime-britney spears
Song youve downloaded: i cant dowload ne more =[
CD youve wanted but havent bought: uhmmmm ders too many
Last time you fought with someone: uhm monday
Person youve kissed: uh..danny
Person youve hugged: daniel
Person Youve Slept With (next to): uhm slept next to ryan

Opposite Sex

What do you notice first: personality eyes
Turn ons: uhm being themself doesnt take that much to impress me if you honest with yourself
Turn Offs: not being yourself nor taking care of yourself treating ppl like shit etc
Ideal Eye color: doesnt matter
Ideal Hair Color: Doesnt matter
Ideal Height: as long as yer taller den me
Ideal Hobbie for them to have: uhm doesnt matter
Ideal sports for them to play: doesnt really matter watever they enjoy doing
Ideal Personlity Traits: nice..can carry on a conversation, caring/passionate, loyal/honest...funny

Have you ever

Fallen in love: yep
Gone on a Date: yep
Made out with Someone: yep
Gotten Drunk: haha yep
Done Drugs: no comment
Smoked: nope
GOne to a party: I AM A TEENAGER..hell ya
Been completely intoxicated: uhmm..
Woke up with a hangover: uhmm
Wanted someone you couldnt have: definately
Wished on a shootin star: all da time
Taken a Vow of Silence: uh to the people i dislike with a passion
Cheated on a test: how the fuck do u think im passin my classes haha
Cried watchin a commerical: uhm no
Purposely Set something on Fire: haha me n holly burnt worms one day while doing a project..lol
Had your heart broken: yep all the time
Broke someone elses heart: yep
Cooked a Full Meal for Guest: haha ya celeste!
Laughed and Couldnt Stop: haha DUH
Pulled an All-Nighter: yah me and nancy ASB RETREAT haha daymn memories..
Watched the Sunrise: havent dont that in awhile
Watched the sunset: havent sat and watched it in awhile
Been to an exotic Place: Carribean
Been swept away by a current: haha sure ..the beach is my friend =]
Been on a Freefall ride: yep
Made the wrong decision on purpose: yep
Stolen soemthing: yah but i was like 5
Broken something out of anger or sadness: yeah..
Pinched yourself to see if you were dreaming: yep
Cussed someone out: yah
Bungee jumped: not yet haha cant wait
Broken the law: almost every weekend
Made yourself throw up: nope
Kept a secret from everyone: yep
Had an imaginary friend: nope
Had a crush on a teacher: nope
Falled for your best friend: unfourtnetly ye[
Been rejected: oh yes
Rejected someone: yep
Used someone: nope
Been Cheated on: :sigh: yep
Regretted doing something: hell yeah
regretted not doing something: all the time

Do..

You have a bf: nopes..
have a crush on someone: yeah
you you could live somewhere else: yea
you think about suicide: yea
you believe in online dating: i guess
find yourseld attractive: nopes
you drink: yea
do drugs: nope
smoke: nope
you like roller coaster: i love roller coasters
You wait online all for one person: thats wat a phone is for
save AIM conversations: only if there important
Opposite Sex: do i do the opposite sex? uh wel its better then the same sex
Ever Cry because of what someone said: of course
you color your hair: no
Habla Espanol: si

What/ Where/ Who:

Kind of Shampoo do you use: ..gots to herbal
Kind of Soap do you use:..uhm iono watever soap is in the shower
Are you most scared of: being alone
Car would you like to have:strong> My TruCk
do you want to get married: a wen im ready
do you want to live: antartica..
do want to have your honeymoon: wherever me and my prince charmin wanna have it at
Make you laugh the most: everyone
Makes you smile: pablo!
Gives you a funny (good or bad) feelin when you see them: you =]
Easiest to talk to : this blog thingy.

Which Of your friends:

Is most likely to become a Athlete: micheal clue
Is mosy likely to become a model: sacha or jackie
Is mosy likely to become a actor/actress: chelsea
Is mosy likely to become a millionaire:iono jon and eric said they are haha DOUBT IT
Is mosy likely to marry a millionaire:friederike haha
Is mosy likely to never get married: holly haha cuz she can never choose a guy!
Is mosy likely to become Famous: none of them lol
Is mosy likely to become infamous: all of them
Have you known the longest: ashley
Is the shyest: uhm..no one really
Is the Weirdest: all of them
WHo you to for advice: ryan jonathan celeste trisa holly amanda
Who you call when your crying: ryan

This or That

Cold or Hot: Luke
Pool or hot tub: depends
Shower or bath: shower
On or Off: on
Open or CLosed: depends wa yer doing
Water or Tea: Water
Fruit or Veggies: Fruit
TV or Movie: depends
Email or IM: IM
Phone or IM: Depends
Cookie or Cake: Cookies
Food or drink: Both
Baseball or Soccer: Baseball
Football or Basketball: Football
Tennis or Bedminton: uh..
School or Work: Work
Hug or Kiss: both
Ocean or Lake: Ocean
FLorida or San Jose: uhm
Old or YOung: young
Summer or winter: SUmmer
Spring or Fall: Spring
Day or Night: night
Sunrise or Sunset: Sunset
Math or Science: Science
English Or HIstory: English
Music or art: uhm
Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
Dr Pepper or Rootbeer: Dr Pepper
7up or SPrite: Sprite
Smoothie or Juice: SMoOthiE
Cursive or Print: depends on my mood
Lace or satin: satin
FLowers or Candy: Flowers
Scruff or Clean SHaven: clean
tall or short: tall

FOr or Against:

Long Distance Relationships: from experience..aganist
Using someone: aganist
Suicide: uhm..in between
Killin people: aganist
Smokin: aganist
Doing Drugs: aganist
Premartial Sex: aganist
Driving DrunK: FUCKING aganist
Gay/Lesbian: its ther life not mine

Number:

Of times youve had your heart broken: too many to counds
Of hearts ive broken: iono
Of Continents youve lived in: one
Of Cds that you own: like 3 million
Of scars on your body: like 2 million

You

want: i want you
Wish: i wish for you
Love: i love you
miss: missing you
Fear: losing you
hate: not having you
wonder: about you

Right Now:

wearing: PJ bottoms and a tank
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing
THinkg about : you

2003-11-26T23:08:00.000-08:00
gday mate or evenin wateva...all n all today was a very good day..
i had da field trip nice..went to garey high school cept im sad cuz ryan couldnt ditch class =[ tears but im still good still living lol ya wel it was cool met alot new people and shiz and got mo talkin to samantha! yeah haha wel we came ack during 2nd lunch and had a POTLUCK! haha yes food and me yummy ok wel yeah then went to clases and of course ran in cheer grr but den after i saw nicole nd friend haha yay yeah its always nice ot see people from other school and den i chilled with celeste and my love after school fo awhile and den around 5 ish went home with celeste wel we went to her house dne left and went to get dvds then went to my hosue and we COOKEd! haha yeah it was so tyte me and celeste baked and cooked are dinner and dessert! nice and it tasted yummy too! wel yea den we watched movies..NeMO..yeah wel im tired and i got to wake up early tomarrow and im kinda sad cuz ima be a loner all weekened cuz my friend are all out of town cept celeste haha yeah and i miss umhum and of course you so i hope u have a nice turkey day..payce..

2003-11-26T20:08:00.000-08:00
whats up. this is celeste. i hacked into melissas blog cause im cool like that. well i'm chillin and melissas hosue and we made diner! it was tite. we had mashed popos, pasta, cake, and pie. and yes we made it ourselves it was the shiz. well i'm pissed cause the guy i love seems not to care anymore and i think this bitch cristina told him shit so now he dislikes me more than he did before and its when i finally got him to talk to me again! i hate this! well schools gay... lifes shit... i hate it... the only thing keepin me here is my best friend... melissa! love her... you mess with or hurt her.. you have to deal with me! i'd honestly give it all up right now, i love ivan vela and melissa marie... well im out... peace

2003-11-23T22:43:00.000-08:00
its like 1037 and its been a frikin long night..

i didnt realize i had soo much homework.. i guess i got to get all the priotirtes straight cuz im kinda slackin this year iono not myself anymore i had this interesting conversation with jamie im glad though got alot off my chest (thanks jamies and remember its jus dinosaur legs and a hippos face haha) yeah and someone brought soemthing up about somethign that happened in the past and made me thing of the everytime lyrics like after i fucking finally get over something someones got to bring it back up and i guess i can never win its my past so dont remind me if u dont noe the story then dont ask cuz i would of told u the story if i wanted u to know..wel yeah tonight is kinda yeah i miss umhum and im lost and confused and i noe i dont want to waste my time on something that wont happen but i guess all u can do is hope yeah..wel i also figured out that i honeslty dont want anything to do with ***** i can seriouly do witout her in my life riote now yea..wel thanksgivin ish here time to b thankful for something i guess! im goin to my aunts house buts it prolli goin to b hell cuz my aunts all mad cuz my other aunt family isnt goin so yeah o wel suck it up..all i can say is FOOD but we eat dinner at like..1 in the afternooN! crazy haha okay yeah wel i hope tomarrow ish a good day..yea i really do and i hope good thigns come out of it to cuz im tired of seeing shit then regreting it later..wel im out--liss--

aww theres suppose to be these black stars in the background but there not showing =[ o well they are there haha just cant see them =P

2003-11-23T16:47:00.000-08:00
yay new layout ...finally..something that i like haha

wel yeah i like this one iono why i just do and i was soo bored today that i got a new email address [xblackndstarsx@hotmail.com] and a new Screen Name {xblackndstarx} haha nice yeah its cuz u noe wen u look up in the sky and theres gazillion stars out there but u cant see most of them cuz theres too much light wel im one of those black stars! or thats wa justin was tellin me haha so nice..wel today was an okay day but i got sooo much homework to do haha yeah and AAHH i had to cross the picket lines I FEEL SO BAD haha o wel? i did it and tehre wer so many sales! so thats good and im on the process of cleaning my room by this weekend my goal is to finish paintin it! so yeah wel ima go... ttyl

2003-11-22T22:58:00.000-08:00
Chris " What happens on the weekend..stays on the weekend" "yeah i have month b4 i cant hav..:opps almost said it:" haha admit it u noe u want it!!

haha its like 11:00 on dis fine saturday and im actually proud of myself like...first time i did not go over my limit in drinking SCORE and didnt do nething beyond the nasty part haha SCORE yeah but im kinda sad but o well..at least im actually trying to make things work out in my life thats not on the weekends..but hey i got to have fun Somewhere! =P wel yeah..im kinda tipsy so ill smash later i think ryans comin over to get me the hook up =] alrite wel PaYce!

2003-11-22T16:39:00.000-08:00
i finally am up and writing again haha i miss it so now im goin to keep writing...but prewarn half the stuff i write about u may think im crazy but its actually feelings ive felt in the past so dont worry no recent shit..

//time to go//11.22.03

i take this blade thats looks sharp and thrust it near my broken heart for what im doin is fo me instead of crying believe in me my broken heart cannot heal due to it has been very ill my veins are weak as i think cuz now all i see is u and me what i did i do regret and what i said i never meant im sorry for the pain i caused u but now its time and i noe what im going to do ..so leave this blade and me alone cuz now its time fo me to go

//red water//11.22.03

this is what happened to me..ive been replaced by another girl how can this guy do this wen we were each others world i couldnt take all this pain within me so i grabbed his picture and snuck out the door walked to this place and started thinkin of the past wondering why the fuck it didnt last ..hours later i was gone they found me in a pool of my blood and next to me was a picture of him in the mud no one thought i would do such a thing but at this point of time the blade was the only answer in me..on the picture was a reason and it sounded more to them that he took me life away ..he tore soul apart and no one thought that i would die of a broken heart

//notice now//11.22.03

why carry on without me if i was always there why move on to her wen its me u really care i thought i loved u but i guess are love wasnt that true cuz now your jsut using her to make me blue the only way i was able to survive is when u were there what have i done that made are love disappear soon you packed you things up and left and now your stuck within me and i guess i need you but all you brought me was pain leavin me with those month with no real answer left me insane now i see u within my day thinkin of you was wat brought this pain now wen u come back i want you to notice me and that i aint ever goin to take u back

2003-11-21T17:43:00.000-08:00
my past 2 days..

fo some odd reasion im in the most happiest mood lately haha yeah wel yesterday was iight it was fun in the morning cuz we got out early =] then went to class and like in first we had the partner exams and the person in my group fuck took the paper and hes liek a friken calculator so haha got an A on that ..i think so an A and F averages out to about a C! nice lol and den in second we had the most gayest fire drill..that was a waste of my time...yeah wel it was fun me and jolene were conencted =] and den walkin back to class brought a smile to my as well =] yeah and 3rd was horrible we had 2 fucking quizzes i had no clue we even had a quiz! so failed and the rest of the dat was normal after school talked to some peeps spent more time with the ones i liked yeah and den got home and it sucked so yeah wel..anyways today was iight i got to wear my fairy skirt!! yay finally!! yeah had to b at schol at 6 for gayest thing in the whole fuckin world i sware i could of slept in if it was fo me always be tardy to asb all de time lol yeah wel i went on about my day and den wen i got to fourth mr eichen was sick so he let us go to second lunch HECK YEAH!! best part of my day it was so fun just talkin to christina and madeline haha it was hillarious yeah anyways and then after school it was cold saw some things that didnt need to be done and i tutored holly!! haha holly LEON!! lol yeah wel now im here debating on wa to do tonight ill prolli stay home but i got a feelin ima like it =] yeah wel lova mucha!

2003-11-19T18:39:00.000-08:00
today was kinda bleh..i failed my chemistry exam or at least i think i did..i wrote letter like the usual in 2nd and 5th cuz i hate those classes and yeah the rest of the classes wer da same..just sat there and act like i paying attetion instead i was just sittin thinkin on wa da hell im doin cuz iono wa im suppose to do next..yeah o well yeah..lunch i saw a scene that took my breath away but i cant say or micheal will use wa i did as blackmail! but it was hillarious lol yeah den after school i had a sophomore exec meeting and since im VP i guess i had to go haha it was iight though we were plannin Sadies hym..who should i ask to Sadies haha doubt ill even go fo fun prolli end up workin =/ but yeah o wel..den came outside and sat wit holly and talked wit micheal and whoever was around si si iono saw some things thats buggin me but i guess i got to remember my quote from yesteday...o wel i dont want to be the conflict wit it so yeah just goin to go on about doin watever im doing...im home alone riote now yippee hoping ryan is on his way yeh OMG it was soo funny at lunch after the bell me clara and christina were walkin to class and some freshmen boys wer holdin a gatorade bottle screamin drink it to this guy omg der so gay act like u dont hav alcohol in it..haha i aint dumb it was nice..geez i need the feedin haha clara yea me and clara are goin to the phantom planet concert next week yep yep cant wait a night to get out i cant believe thanksgivin is next week ...o wel time to eat and get fat the run it off! yeah wel im out... o heres the poem i promised to giv u the one i wrote yesterday...

Started off with that Kiss....
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
i thought i had the perfect life
nice grades, great friends, a family, and my one and only
i didnt know we could get so far
in this life that shoots out like a gazing star
we just went to a party had a couple of drinks
the he said "we should dont you think?"
we hoped in his car and he drove me to this spot
undressed me and he wouldnt stop
after the worst pain in my life
i ran inside screamin and crying why did i dink why did this happen to me!
A week went by and i heard the rumors fly
i took the test and now my life is at risk
i grabbed my keys and got in the car
i drove down the road and popped in the pills
you could tell i was on the verge to kill
not only myself but what was forming inside as well
but iono i guess i cant deal
so tell all of those who decided to spill
and tell the ones who i loved that before they fall in love
with the one you think is yours
dont fall for his whine cuz heyll ruin your life just like he ruined myne
i wraped my cross around my wrist and drove off this cliff
cuz my life probably wouldnt missed
Just all you remember how far it went when it started out with just a kiss..
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

haha its not fully done but i was bored in spanish so wa can i say..and yeah the question is some of this true and the answer yes it is but dont worry i dont drive! lol

more gays shiz..
x.] name=melissa
[x.] birthday = January 7
[x.] piercings = 2 one one each ear
[x.] tattoos = nopes
[x.] height = 5'5
[x.] shoe size = 7
[x.] hair color = brown
[x.] length = uhm 567 cm wtf ..long?
[x.] siblings = is that what u call him...a brother
[x.] pets = three dogs (roxie kirby and beans) and like 4 fish!
[x.] movie you rented=i havent rented a movie in forever...
[x.] movie you bought = i dont buy movies either haha
[x.] song you listened to =cute witout da e duh
[x.] song that was stuck in your head = shut up just shut up shut up haha
[x.] thing you've downloaded = i got banned from d/l haha
[x.] cd you bought = too long ago i cant remember
[x.] cd you listened to = my mix cd?
[x.] person you've called = ryan
[x.] person that's called you = ryan
[x.] tv show you've watched = uhm..prolli somethin on mtv
[x.] person you were thinking of = duh..u already noe who u are =]

Um..
[x.] you have a bf or gf = nopes
[x.] you have a crush on someone = yea
[x.] you wish you could live somewhere else =sometimes
[x.] you think about suicide = not recently
[x.] you believe in online dating = no, i have ta see prince charming for myself
[x.] you want more piercings = DUH the belly ish gettin done!
[x.] you want more tattoos =how can i want more wen i dont got one
[x.] you drink = HEY where would u get that from haha ..
[x.] you do drugs = nope, they're bad for u
[x.] you smoke = nope
[x.] you like cleaning = o ifu call hiding things yea
[x.] you write in cursive or print = depends on meeh mood
[x.] you carry a donor card = nope do i even carry a wallet lol

For or Against..
[x.] teenage smoking = against
[x.] doing drugs = trying it is okay, but that all
[x.] premarital sex = hey if u r ready for a child b my guest!
[x.] driving drunk = after wa happened hell yeah
[x.] soap operas = nope my life is already drama why watch other people drama

Best...
[x.] tv show = DUH THE FUCKING OC!!!!!
[x.] thing in the world =stars and wa clara said being loved back by someone u love
[x.] thing to collect = iono
[x.] colors of all time = lavender red black
[x.] thing to do on a rainy day = drink hot coco, and cuddle
[x.] feeling in the world = all the things u feel wen ure loved by the person that u love

Have You...
[x.] ever cried over a boy = yeah
[x.] ever lied to someone = yeah
[x.] ever been in a fist fight = not that i remember

What...
[x.] perfume do you use = body sprays!= love spell..sweet pea
[x.] shoes do you wear = chucks
[x.] are you scared of = losing the ones u love..
Number...
[x.] of continents I have lived in?: one
[x.] of drugs taken illegally?: laughs out loud...
[x.] of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?:4
[x.] of people I consider my enemies?: 2
[x.] of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: haha once
[x.] of scars on my body?: lots
Have You Ever...
[x.] Fallen for your best friend? yep.......
[x.] Made out with JUST a friend? yep
[x.] Been in love? does anyone even noe wat love is..mor elike a deep lust
[x.] Cheated on someone? nopes

Who Was The Last Person...
[x.] You touched? =uhm..i touched trisa cheek?
[x.] You talked to? jason
[x.] You hugged? uhm...i didnt get hugs today haha

Have You/Are You/Do You....
[x.] Considered a life of crime? nope
[x.] Considered being a hooker? hey watever pays ..haha jk
[x.] Considered being a pimp? haha no
[x.] Are you psycho? nopes never
[x.] Split personalities? haha sure
[x.] Schizophrenic? no, im strait
[x.] Obsessive compulsive? haha maybe
[x.] Panic? sometimes
[x.] Anxiety? sometime
[x.] Depressed? almsot everyday
[x.] Obsessed with hate? no, that's bad, just let it go!!
[x.] Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?uhm..
[x.] Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? sure

Are You...
[x.] Understanding: on a good day
[x.] Open-minded: sometimes
[x.] Interesting: why yes lol
[x.] Hungry: hell yeah ..wen aint i
[x.] Friendly: if u look like a nice person
[x.] Childish: nope
[x.] Healthy: not really
[x.] Difficult: kinda?
[x.] Thirsty: yes lEmonaDe
[x.] Responsible: iono
[x.] Sad: depends
[x.] Happy: depends
[x.] Trusting: depends on the subject on hand
[x.] Talkative:kinda
[x.] Lonely: yeppas
[x.] Own a webcam? no
[x.] Ever get off the damn computer? ummmm i sleep

Currents
[x.] Current Clothes: sweats and a tank
[x.] Current Mood: confused
[x.] Current Taste: gum
[x.] Current Hair: sloppy bun
[x.] Current Annoyance: people who lead other people on
[x.] Current Smell: air
[x.] Current thing you ought to be doing: homework, lol never
[x.] Current Book: the perfect little girl
[x.] Current DVD In Player: iono
[x.] Current Refreshment: Lemonade
[x.] Current Worry: i wonder
[x.] Current Crush: wouldnt u like to know...

On Dating....
[x.] Long or short hair? short... doenst really matter
[x.] Dark or blond hair? doesnt matter mo on da dark side though
[x.] Tall or short? a few inches taller then me
[x.] Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? inbetween gots to make me laugh though
[x.] Good boy or bad boy? inbetween is perfect!!
[x.] Dark or light eyes? i love them if i can get lost in them
[x.] Pierced or no? depends

On Preferences....
[x.] Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? chocolate milk
[x.] McDonalds or Burger King? iono
[x.] Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? wel isnt the perfect love perfect to u so shouldnt get b a friend! DUH!
[x.] Sweet or sour? sour
[x.] Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? lemonade
[x.] Sappy/action/comedy/horror? doesnt matter
[x.] Cats or dogs? dogs
[x.] Ocean or Pool? the ocean... duh SuRF!! haha
[x.] Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? depends wa yer eatin it wit
[x.] Mud or Jell-O wrestling? neither
[x.] With or without ice-cubes? with
[x.] Shine or rain? rain duh i love the rain
[x.] Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? summer
[x.] Vanilla or Chocolate? vanilla
[x.] Gloves or mittens? gloves
[x.] Eyes open or closed when making out? closed
[x.] Fly or breathe under water? is it possible if i could get both?
[x.] Bunk-bed or waterbed? waterbed so i can poke holes!
[x.] Chewing gum or hard candy? chewing gum all the time
[x.] Motor boat or sailboat? depends
[x.] Lights on or off? depends watcha do ;]

2003-11-18T17:31:00.000-08:00
i guess it was just one of those days i think im starting to accept things kinda sucks though cuz even though i want it badly ima just let it go..kinda like that saying abou if u let soemthing go and it comes back its meant to be and if it doesnt your better off..yea last night i had alot of thinking to do..and i guess thats my conclusion cept it still hurts to noe certain things..wel thats enough wit dat uhm i woke up this morning iight until liek 10 mins later my house im happier wen im not in it..thats all i got to say yea wel was late to asb as usual and den like went to chem actually get it now! geez took me forever haha yeah and den went off to spanish wrote some letter as usual and i wrote a poem! i was so happy i accomplished my first like life sad poem!! yea i guess ill post it at the end haha and den went to 3rd boring den lunch its was okay i got tutORed and i tutoreD haha i sware if u need to be tutored come to me haha i need like 10 mor hours haha shut up i havnt started!! yeah wel den 4th was iight got in are groups again and talked to the whole period about stupid stuff haha and den like after fourth it was alright tiLl LINDA ruined a perfectly good moment...geez...den like went to hell den went to cheer and it sucks cu zi feel bad cuz my stunt group is no disformed cuz i cant main base ne more due to my wrist!! grrr so i have to sit out and watch and watch my stunt group fall!! iM SOOOO SORRY CHRISTINA i reall do feel yer pain but once i get better geez ders goin to be a fight haha yeah den after hung out wit my amigas yeah got annoyed by some people almost trashed this one girl and den here i am in pain! so yeah wel that was aburidA diA! iight iight wel im out..

2003-11-17T18:53:00.000-08:00
ive been bored latly so ive been writing! haha so heres me work...

In MY dreAms..

Lookin out my window
from my bedside where i sit
wondering where you are
are you lookin at that same bright star?
Were not together physically but my heart is where you are
i feel your spirit around me while i sleep
knowing that its your heart i want to keep
wishing you were here next to me
to feel your soft lips touch mine
wrapped in eachother till the end of time
Wish i could hold you now
feel you near
fall asleep together while the rain falls beneath
so silently you can't even hear
then i wake up and all of this was a dream
guess i'll have to wait till tomorrow night
to see you again
to touch you...
...to hold you
in my dreams

aRe u BelIevin mE?

I hope you believe
in what I say
I hope your wit me
till my dying day
I hope you feel right
being by my side
I hope you think of me
every day and night
I hope you trust me
when I say,
" I wont hurt you"
I hope you know
all I want to do is hold you
I hope you believe me
when I say,
"You mean the world to me"
I hope you feel the same way
when I tell you
"We were were meant to be"
I hope you feel the same
as I do when Im around you
I hope you believe me
when I say,
"I neva knew love till I found you"
I hope you take this
serious and not as a game
I hope you never take
my love as a fake.
I hope you know
that if you leave
youll always be miss
I hope you believe in
my love
I hope you believe
your my only one
I hope we last
together for a long time
I hope you know
that no matter what happens
youll always be mine
I hope you feel perfect
when we hug each other
I hope you believe
that to find a love like this
their is no other
I hope you believe me
when I tell you
about how I feel
I hope you agree with me
and say that
"This love is 4 real".

Let Me Hold You..

Let me hold you to make you feel like youve never felt
Let me hold you to let you know youve gave me love which Ive never dealt
Let me hold you to let you know that youre special to me
Let me hold you because your eyes are what I love to see
Let me hold you to let you know hopefully we can make a change
Let me hold you to give you love and take away your pain
Let me hold you to show you love that keeps working and turning
Let me hold you to keep our passions, desires, and love burning
Let me hold you to keep away the bad
Let me hold you to give you love youve never had
Let me hold you and keep you for the rest of my life
Let me hold you and make you my one and only

2003-11-16T23:11:00.000-08:00
youre the one i miss....
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I can feel my love for you beating in my chest,
When at play or when at rest.
I can feel as it goes thump,
I feel it all throughout the day, knot in one big lump.
Little messages sent to my brain,
reminding me of you once again.
Thoughts of you, each and every hour,
I see your face in a beautiful flower.
Your loveliness is beyond all compare,
for hours, at you, I could sit and stare.
Like watching the sunset on a sea of blue,
that is how I feel when I think of you.
I think of you often, actually quite a lot,
in my thoughts you have a special slot.
To you, I can commit my mind, body and soul,
to fill the void, in your heart, that once was a hole.
I want you, I need you, I miss you so much,
I wish you were here to feel my tender touch.
But for now i will send a hug and a kiss,
wanting you to know that you are the ONE I MISS

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

today was so fun iono i just hav a smile on my face like aLL day haha lets go through the day [im like al hyper]
wel i woke up and got ready and den went to school ON TIME!! haha yeah i actually was able to talk b4 Zero period! haha nice! wel ya then like we got in class and den trisa told me she made the VARSITY SOCCER TEAM!! WHoOOHOO! yeah and den like samantha (MY BEST FRIEND haha) gave me the poem i told her to write!! yes i love it! and den like the bell rang and walked to class yep and den 1st period i was all hyper and i guess wen im hyper i actually learned!! whoa yeah den like after that went to second and learned some espanol i sware to god if u could see edges face expressions and some of the shit that comes out her mouth u would b on the floor laughing..and den walked to third and it was okay we got to buy candy and eat in class! SHOCKER and me and amanda were talkin about r IdoL! haha yea tommarow THe DaY!! ONLY GOOD CAN COME OUT OF TOMMAROW!! haha yeah and den like went to lunch and kiked it wit emily yeah and den went to fourth and me christina and madeline wer making fun of everything i couldnt stop laughin kinda got in trouble but its all good!! den went to fifth and dealt wit ME EELKOTS! [stoklee fo u slow ppl] yeah she hates me now..haha den went to SiXth it was FUn cuz BreAnnA was in are stUnt grouP today haha yeah we joined her as one of us yEP so instead of paying attention we all goofed around..PRetty FuN den den practice was over nd now im here o joy now here i sit and be bored! haha wel yeah..and up on the love front..it was funny cuz me and clara were walkin and i no clue alex was in front of us and we like almost bumped into him haha nice..and den yeah i guess ish goIN i aint sad or mad im mostly happy so i guess thats good A ChaNGe for oNCe...yeah..wel ima bouNCe so laTaz

2003-11-16T16:27:00.000-08:00
--estrella--

wel its 4:23! and uhm i just got back from the mall im like in a very very good mood because...i just found out that since my driving classes cost so much its bascially letting u get your permit wenever u want so i dont got to take permit classes im takin my license classes so YAY! i can maybe actually drive b4 i get promotted to the grade so that was one positive then i went to da mall got presents fors all my "true" friends haha and i got a ScaRF and A BeanIE!! yay =] yeah and this brUSh/blUSh glittER thing!! so TyTE!! iight wel that made me happy for hoUrs okay yea now im home drinking my CheRRy ICEe yeh beggin Chris foR my ForgiVness...CHRIS DONT HATE ME!! =] yeah wel ima go now ..

2003-11-16T12:30:00.000-08:00
)__if you only knew__(

gDay maTe! Well its like 12:23 and im just waking up yeah i wish i could of slept more but nope my brother has to turn on the radio so frikiin loud...grr...but yeah i woke up and ate some EGgOS! yeah well lets see last night was iight i was on the computer for the whole day..i was so bored..and then like we went to go get some chinese food and den came home and i ate it YUM! haha den holly called askin if i wanted to go out so me holly and celeste of course went to the spectrum..daymn we like own that place i could probably make a map by heart haha yeah wel we ate and den went to starbucks and yay i finally got something new!! SHOCK since i hate coffee i got a VC HOT!! nice it was like warm milk...interesting yeah wel after sitting down i looked up at the sky and i said rain and it rained!! it was so cool i control the fuckin weather! yeah wel after debating wit celeste on walkin or sitting we finally got up and walked to old navy cuz i wanted a scarf gloves and a beanie but they didnt have any =[ yeah den we went to tillys yay! i love that store i can spend forever in there only IF i had like a day where i can pick anything i want for FREE cuz der so daymn expensive but yeah wel after that we sat outside iono even thogh nowadays we dont talk much its just known that wer so much good of friend that we can spend the whole night not talkin and still have a great time..NICE..wel i got home talked online and den ryan called me so i talked to him till like 2 in da morning..yep den watched a movie and went to sleep..how cute okay wel iono wa ima do today hopefully something! yeah and now onto da love front...if you only knew how much i care for you..until da day i die ill spill my heart for you and u noe if u wer to die today u noe id die to.wel ill blog in later..

dang if you only knew....

im addicted to you..dont you know that your toxic?

AMANDA AND MELISSA GEezLaOUSIe bringing back SUZY AND ARMANDO! haha loVe ya muNDa!!!

2003-11-15T14:30:00.000-08:00
[tOrn BuBbLe]

-------And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I promise I'll be there for you -------------

wel yesterday was iight i guess you can say last night i went to pick up celeste so we could go to the game ..im surprised we won haha wel u kinda knew u won wen u get a touchdown the frist 2 seconds of the game lol yeah wen i got there i saw Cassandra! i was so happy cuz i havent seen her in forever and i miss her haha yah so that was cool wel after that my excitement went down cuz my friends mom literally came up to me tellin me bout the shit the seniors wer talkin bout and i sware i was over it and i didnt care until she found out its SO SAD wen one of your friends mom knows shit thats how far it got spreaded URGH ok wel after half time me veronica and celeste stood in line for like fugin 20 mins! and like these UGLY colony guys came and i couldnt distinguish if some of them were boys or girls [haha veronica] yeah wel like after standing in line for a fuckin 20 minutes we start walkin to the bleachers and this fuggin little boy runs right into me knocking my 20 minute nastiy wannabe hot chocolate all over my arM!! i was liek wtf and i made the boy come back and apologize and told him to go buy me a new one..he never did haha o well i think i scared him =] did my deed!! yeah wel after that we went to dennys ..it was empty!..haha yeah me and celeste sat and and caught up on lives and shiz nits then holly and devin came yea then came home chatted and went to slEeP!

i had one of the best dreams last night but only if my dreams came true i guess i would probably the happiest ive ever been..iono maybe one day? but yeah all of sudden i hear me mom yellin wake up so i wake up and URgh i had to go to tutOring cuz im failing chemisrty haha so i went and der wer a grip of people mostly tutors but yeah i kinda learned i gues su can say 2 problems!! haha yeah owel then im off to cheer..yeah it was iight my last fb cheerin game of the season...Yippe! yeah we "tried" to make it fun i dont think it was the best but we won so its all good..now im home and fixing this shiz nits and i think tonight ryans taking me out so yay! wel ima bounce ..xlissx

:D.kissie kissie..O:

2003-11-14T17:08:00.000-08:00
-e x t r a o r d i n a r y-

hym i guess u can say its been quite interesting the past days iono i feel a whole emotional drift yep nothings the same anymore i guess it kinda sucks but i guess thats just the way things have to be..i notice my attitude changed a whole towards certain people and u noe if u wanna talk shit go ahead cuz ima slam even harder yeah i gues su can say i got in 2 verbal fights the past 2 days! haha ya duh me winning of course lol iono i guess im gettin tired of listenin to certain people lol ok enough with that my day was so boring yeah class was boring..none of my friends seemed enthused..got no clue where my love life is..and a whole bunch of drama but thats iight cuz my life is drama =] yeah wel yeah got to cheer manana yep JV last game..dont go jk jk lolyeah should b fun kinda? yeah iono myte go to the movies tonight to celebrate chris's birthday! Happy Birthday Chris!!! yeah wel ima bounce

What's your life as a movie? Made by
Sara

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

src="http://www.rampantgecko.com/paradox/faery.jpg">

Your magical style is Faery.

What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox

2003-11-12T19:09:00.000-08:00
..[why cant i breathe wenever i think bout u]..

eylo grr im like sick and its for the most gayest reason in the whole world but i guess thats wa i get for drinkin some cheap shiz with a cold! yeah wel i think its goin away so its all good but i got 2 days off yeah i slept most of the day and watched mtv the rest.. i caught up on my music videos and info so the cheerleaders cant say i dont pay attenion to todays society haha! yeah den i did all my make up homework since im failing most of my classes and then it started to rain it was so cool cuz like i went outside and there was lighting and i had to get the dogs iono i love the rain yep yep there just something about it then i went inside and sat and watched the rain and thought..of course thinkin bout life and i found out i didnt noe i could miss someone so much and i guess thats what happen wen u think yep yep wel monday night was iight i guess i had practice till 430 and waited for my bro it was cool cuz i got to talk with chris and then jon ruben and ean came so it was interesting yeah then came home got ready and went with ryan then went to gattos im kinda glad i went cuz that was the most talkin ive heard yeah we all took pictures they came out good too! so if ya want one u got 2 ask me lol yeah then came back ate pizza den did shiz and mor talkin then yeah i couldnt sleep at all cu zi wasnt feelin good too much uhm partying i guess yeah then i went home in the morning and then went to hollys casa i could sware to you i havent laughed that much in forever we were doing are video for the bitches class and we made fun of her so much in are video yeah but even though are orginal plan didnt work it was alirte cuz we got to use BARBIES haha yeah it was pretty nice yeah but i wanted to go to school to watch everyone elses videos =[ but its all good for so0me reason i think i needed the rest yep

wel thats my gayass dia sOo i shall write latas..

When I think about my life
I wonder if I will survive
To live to see 25 or will I just fall?
Like all my friends, they just keep dying. People round me, always crying. In this place that I like to call my home. Not everybody knows that everybody goes to a better place
Not everybody knows that everybody could be living their last days But the hard times will come, and we'll keep moving on.

Life.
Hope.
Truth.
Trust.
Faith.
Pride.
Love.
Lust.
Pain.
Hate.
Lies.
Guilt.
Laugh.
Cry.
Live.
Die.

2003-11-08T18:20:00.000-08:00
Basic Info
Name: melissa
Birthdate: o1.07.88
Age: 15
Race: Creole
Location: pomona
Zodiac Sign: capricorn
Height: 5'5"5'6"? iono
Eye Color: hazel- they change colors though!
Hair color: brown
Hobbies: you eating sleeping cheering watchin tv and chillin with my amigos
Languages You Speak: english. alil spanish, luumalissaneses
Nicknames: lissa, missy, sasa, mlissa, Xasha, BJ
favorites, "uhm watever yer name is"
Sports You Play: i dont play i pretend to play haha
Where were you born: Long Beach
Are you a Night or Morning Person: night
Ticklish: ..haha.. yeps

Getting Personal:
What do You wanna be when you grow up? not sure but im leaning towards a peditrician
What is your most embarrassing story? ..i got so many who noes lol..
What has been the Best Day of Your Life: They day you walked in it....
Do You have a Boyfriend? sadly.. no. lol =]
What comes first in your life? God
What do you think about before you go to sleep at night? ...alot of stuff...
Current Crush: you know who you are

Favorites:
Candy: anything sour
Saying: "i miss u a lil i guess u could say, a lil too much, a lil more often, and a lil more everyday" by nicoles pro
TV Show: O.C., mtv shiznit, and Disney!!
Actor: Ashton kutcher!! wholey moley lol
Actress:britney murphey
Gum: trident the green one
Scent: Love Spell by Victoria's Secret and Sweet Pea
Ice Cream: o mayn...i love anytype of ice cream!!
Coffee: i hate coffee lol
Season: spring
Radio Station: kroq 105.9 99.1 100.3 102.7 da friggn usual
TV Channel: iono
Junk Food: chips, candy
Store: Tilly's, Hollister, Forever 21, some other nick pick stores
Shoe Brand: dont got a favorite
Fast Food: SOFT TACOS at the del or the bell
Mall: South Coast/Brea
Holiday: christmas

In the Past 24 Hours Have You:
Had a Serious Talk: yes
Hugged someone: yes
Fought w/ a Friend: yes
Cried: almost
Made someone Laugh: lol duh im a comedian!!
Had Sex: o yes.
Talked to someone you love: yes
Missed Someone: yes.. dearly

The Last:
Thing You Ate: cornbread!
Thing You Drank: Lemonade
Thing you Wore: im wearing a jean skirt wit a red top
Place You Went: Elegance Salon in Montclair
Person you Saw: my brother
Person You Called: ryan
Person That Called You: ryan
Person you Hugged: ryan
Person You Talked to: my brother
Song You Heard: Miseria Cantare-AFI

Have you Ever:
Stayed home on a Saturday night just because: sometimes
Been In Love: yeah like 7 times haha
Shoved stuff under your bed to make it clean: duh
Been in a hospital not visiting: yeah
Dumped someone and Regretted it: yep
Got together with more than one person at a time: HAHA funny you brought that up ..yea unfournetely
Ever loved someone so much that it made you cry?:..not.. "loved"..but "liked alot".. hahah
Hated Yourself: duh
Been Broken Hearted: oOO hell yeah.
Broken someones Heart: i bet not
Do you like to give hugs: depend on who i give it to
Like to walk in the rain: yup. i love it wen it rains
Sleep w/ or w/o clothes on: with
Sleep on your side, tummy, or back: side?
Want to get married: yup. when im ready

Boys:
Describe Your Dream Guy: i cant describe it. but when i see him, i'll know it.
Spikey hair or other: spikey is nice. but i also like the long bed head hair lol
Dark or Fair Complexion: dont care
Best Gift a Guy Could Give: his love.
Favorite Cologne on a Guy: i dont know
Would you Go out with an older Guy: yeah and i have

there some info i promised lol =]

2003-11-08T13:40:00.000-08:00
-SpEcTaculAR-
daymn i havent in wrote fo like ever lol yeah wel heres the update i guess i had a like a whole new drift and im happy now thank goodness wel it was okay till this week..i sware to god i had wen people make up shit and pass it around the whole fucking school about something u didnt even do and fo da people who did talk shit thanks cuz u noe i appreciate u talkin about me and its always nice to noe STUPID SENIORS wanna talk about SOPHOMORE girls and fo da people who kept there mouth shut thanks...yeah wel all cuz of that der been like i guess a breakdown with one of my amigas and i hope you fucking neo that all those fucking tears i cried yesterday meant i lvoe you and if u werent in my life i would of killed myself yesterday so u better not frikin scare me and everyone else like that even though u dont listent to what we say we all care for you so dont do something stupid that your going to regret cuz u got to cherish the things u have now to seek the good in the future..yaeh wel neways on my other importat part of life haha chiCos..yea der Good i guess lol uhm a whole better then they were last year i guess u can say that but iono all i can say is i wish i was wit u..ok and i finnally decided cheer isnt my thing haha i quit my members fired me from captain lol yea =[ jk iono i haven really decided wa i wanted to do with that but its kind sucking now cuz i got lectrued TWO times this week and it sucks cuz its not my fault and my so called ASSOCIATE should fucking help!!! yeah wel o wel more glory for me =] jk yeah and urgh i got in trouble!!! i cant go out late on weekend anymore (SORRY RYAN) it sucks soo much cuz my mom doesnt trust me and my brother anymore cuz she found a stupid smirnoff bottle cap in the laundry and she said it was ares so now i cant do shit sucks like a bitch looks like i guess i got to lie to go out and do watever i do =] shush im a good girl!! yea sarah good riote?? hush hush?? ok wel neways i gots to bounce gettin a hair cut =]

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

PS if your like a computer wiz and wanna help me get my music to play on dis hElPs! lol thanks

2003-10-12T12:09:00.000-07:00
-let go-

hym i havent wrote in forever haha wel lets go through the week...all n all it wasnt great...i had to deal with internal and external problems i could sware by the end of the day my mood changes liek 50 % and i hate it..it seems like ive yelled at alot of people that are my friends and my sisters and if someone else would do there fuggin job i wouldnt ahve to have yeleld at them sorry yeah hym i had a good time on thrs. after school yea me and mia went to her car and guess who was talkin to us!! haha (wel guess) den like after that we went to her house chilled there and then went to gran burrito (YUMMI) and ate and talked yeah that was good cuz wer opened wit each other now and den we went to DR to see matt and tell him good luck for his game but that didnt work out so we eneded up waiting by his car to put a letter on it and talk to dunn and friends yea den we went to the game whew the game was good until half time i sware to god varsity is under my good list ryte now half of them can be the biggest bitches cuz they think they over power me but nope start thinking again cuz i aint ogin to work for me wel then hym on friday it was a frustrating day cuz i had a quiz in liek every class! yeah and i didnt study cuz i was at the game b4 so it was weird yeah but lunch was good yeah got to spend most of the time in a room with "UMHUM" haha yeah and friday after school had practice and everyday after school ahve practice and ASB so im goin to on a tight rope next week so prolli wanna watch out and all n all im w/o a HC Date haha so yeah ill blog lataz

2003-10-05T17:00:00.000-07:00
-all smiles-

yay..i had one of the best weekend i could possibly ever have haha..wel lets see like on friday we went to the varsity game..it was pretty cool yeah and the liek after me holyl and celeste went to dennys (duh dude the usual) and like while we were sitting like tehre were these guys sitting in the booth next to us and like of course holly and celsete decided to scream out at them when they were leaving..Hey this girl think yoiur cute she wants to play with you" holy moly haha wel they went by the animal machine and liek b4 we elft holly yeleld out more and the guy was sayin he ahs no pen so he came over with his friends cell and wanted my number so i gave it to him yep then liek saturday had ASB in the morning yea it was okay i wasnt awake but wen i got home i slept slept slept and then celeste came over and decided to take us all to the Harvest Festival...and o boy was that a meat market or what!!! tehre were guys everywhere!! lol and liek we saw this one dude but uhm some peopel kinda scared him away!! so i lost my chance at a HC date there..haha but then liek we were walking around for the 50th time and like this one RUDE dude pointed at celeste and OMG can u say U G L Y hahah they were ALL hitting on celeste it was SO FUNNY stupid celeste givn a number to a guy and his ugly friend haha wel liek after me making the getaway i spotted 3 guys...and im so Happy that i picked the ryte ones haah wel after holly pushed me into one of them we were about to elave nd they guys kept staring at us and like they went into the care and liek for 5 mintues they were pointing the gay red laser light at us and like stupid me never thought it would be a sign so wen like celeste mom came i was like grr cuz it didnt work until i ahd enough guts to say im goin to giv them my number so lol we went to there car and trisa ran to the car giving them my number and they were like finnally we been waiting for the number..aww that changed my mood for the rest of the day and days to come haha wel yea...but otehr wise my weekend was great even though im stil dateless haha it doesnt matter cuz im sure things are about to change =]

2003-09-29T19:32:00.000-07:00
t E a R s

My friends always told me That you would make me cry
My friends always told me That you would always lie
My friends always told me That I will find some one new
But my friends never told meMy heart will always want you
September 29 2002 till September 29 2003

todays is a depressing day.. yeps marks a one annaVersrY on how pathetic i am...yeah..dunt noe why just i guess i cant let go..owell ill learn yep its coming i know cuz i feel ima get a beat down pretty soon..yeah nd wa suxs even more hc is in like 19 days and i dont even noe who im goin wit yet haha yeap..mo tragedies to me...o joy..wel today in all was okay i guess had a sub in most classes yeah got a chemistry test tommarow AHHH iono i think ill pass wit a C haha hopefully? yeah i havent even opened the book...pretty sad!! neways yeah iono i think i aint goin to do good in grades this year i kinda been slacking the past year..o well..not that im goin to get in to a good colledge neways haha uhm....yeah cheer was cool cuz are exersie today me friederike and christina wer the only people who got it ryte!! haha why...cuz wer da best DUH!! yea but we got game this week...dont go not worth it..yeah hym but i feel im getting strogner!! haha yeah this weekend will b a depressing weekend grr....my lifes is giving me a headache to many shit to think about so ima leave u with this note....

this blade releases pain, these scars will heal but this itching for more wont..

VoTe me and dayna nd trisa For HC CouRT!!!

Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-09-27T21:25:00.000-07:00
-T I G H T-

ap? wel hym its satuday night yea whoot whoot haha lets see so far i went to jimmys house stayed there watched some pie ate some pizza den went to da bowling alley yep talked to bryan and his friend ap? and den almost got to go chil otha places but holly bro wasnt in da best mood..yea buts it good why cuz ryans here haha yep my babys daddy haha yeah neways..uhm dis week been iight all in all kinda stressful buts it kool..da best of all is me n dayna got court!! haha yay!! VOTE 4 US!! pahhLesSE? yeah hrm nd u noe got to fail chemistry!!! yeah that was all great..yeah last night games was iight we lost =[ tears but it was cool cuz got to see siete!!! wHOoT!! yeah and the other south hill bois and got to chil with me cheerbuddys..yea joys..hym i was suppose to b "doing"something this weekend but its got changed to enxt weekend so im all EEK about that...but its all good...i guess? yeah iono oh n we went to dennys last night...duh dude the usual! wel uhm peeps are waiting fo me outside so i guess i shall go...muahs

2003-09-21T19:35:00.000-07:00
=the restrictions=

urgh im in pain! my mouth/lip hurts like hell..i guess i had it coming..i had to b the sign for uhm a change? wel if u didnt not already uhm in cheer da stunt decided to fall on my so i busted my lip inside and out so it sucks and on top of the since my mouth inside is shredded it left it cope for cold sores!!! urgh!! okay neways beside my mouth hurting im doing okay..yep yep i got my car =] yay [yeah i noe i can get my car but i cant get my permit!] i dunno why im just now happy i noe i got something to drive once i get my freedom wel hym urgh school is here..ders soo much dang homework!! gay teachers hey they think tehre students got no lives you no they thing they dont do nething after 3 so they decide to add stupid cornell note projects and homework dumasses!! wel yea so ive been surronded iwth homework today this hot sunday! yea hrm..dis week all in all i guess was uhm...odd...friday was gay im sorry i was really frutrated with my lip in pain and yellin at ppl at the same time..but it was all gooD wen mi senior sisters and some of my squad made me laugh at the end..and yeah how do u feel wen yer seraching for someone at School at like 11 at night and go around the whole school yellin there name!!! yah not good..but owell life goes on yep we went to the game last night they lost =[ but it was servite and all guy school adn they had this dude in a dress..there friar! haha yea but the end was like wow..cuz they wer doin like drill downs..it was cool..i wish i got a program to see wht the boys looked like under there helmet..but didnt want to waste my 5 buck on it cuz i have to save for a HC dress haha yeah aww HC court voting is this week make sure all u guys vote!! ya..[hint hint] jk yeah but u guys all better go to HC sophies got to uhm overrule it?? haha yeah but it should be fun..hym watelse well all in all ive been sittin home everynight with a busted lip..doing hw..eating..watching tv..and supporting my school...now aint i good person?,.......

2003-09-14T14:14:00.000-07:00
-grrrrr-
..Blessed and Cursed on the same day The day that I first felt the power of you Inside of me Such a strong feeling There comes a time in everyones life When you know that everyone around you knows That everything has changed, your not the same its a new day what I wanna know is Are you willing to try Try to be more meaning to this than what meets the eye..

[my week] uhm school sucks cuz we get soo much fuggin homework and half of my teachers are gay and some of them expect too much for me which makes my friends talk shit so u noe wat skrew school! i was suppose to go to a couple of concerts this week but hey my parents wouldnt let me due to school so screw school and parents...ever since one event durin the summer some ppl act like im barly there with so many inside jokes so u noe wat screw them!! and ive been listen to other people tlak about other people and then iono! i think i seriously dont fit with half of this community so my life vision is...dont give a shit im just living in pain..so watever

[inme] urgh im sorry im kinda in dat mood of killin someone or myself cuz either of peoples actions or peoples words and u noe it bugs me and it feels like its eating me alive iono i cant hold it ne mo so i jus been drowing my self with my own water...i thought that everything was goin to b iight this year that i would have people hate me and would jus go on and do watever i do but its not nothing is workin cuz one person out there is ruining it for me and yeah ionoe if u noe who you are I DONT CARE wat the person says let me fix it my own way..wel neways this week hasnt been one of my best weeks yea some moments wer iight but others wer jsu yeah i hate being bored in class cuz den i think about stupid things that are goin to bug me even though im tellin myself dont worry it goin to b iight lifes goes on and u need to understands it just hard..hard to think and hard to see so iono watever i guess iono urgh and i really hate my family to i dont know why i even let my brother touch a computer cuz he ruinin my life with it iono watever!! i gues si got to be the one locked up in my room smellin fresh paint due to i cant finish paintin my room so yah hrm..heh o n my friends haha i just raelized they put me last!! so u noe life is a ball !! you noe the ball on new years day that wen its done tickin it blows up haha yeah there we go LIFES A BALL!!!!

SORRY IF U DINK IM WATEVER ITS MY LIFE AND IT HELPS ME TO WRITE ABOUT IT SO IF U DONT LIKE IT THEN DONT READ IT! EASY SAID

2003-09-07T19:15:00.000-07:00
-hrm-
wow its been quite a week..usually is its the first week of school...iono it was very tiring fo me waking up early..listening to boring talks about rules and shiz and den gettin homework!! grr teachers these days always vetoing!! haha wel yeah it was cool im happie cuz i got all my amigos in mi clases hah ayeah so theyll help me out ryte? wel yeah hym its seems like every other week someone makes things worse then it is and lets call it project Dry yep iono i seriouly think im better w/o project dry cuz my life goes down wen i hear da bulitten about it so watever i guess? wel hym last night was jonna lil get together thing quite interesting haha yeah we were buggin the secrety guy anthony wel cuz hes..stupid for one thing haha yeah dat was liek da first day i was actually alive iono i guess i had so much drama i needed a day out with friends even though some people dont noe wen to stop it was better den bein home i hate my parents cuz dey dont want me to grow up and they want my brother do try tings first like driving urgh im not goin to drive till im 18 wen im on my own cuz my dad is gay like that! and all they care about is my brother liek o melissa watch him its high school they didnt care wen i started high school all they carea bout is his sports and shit so watever u noe im tired of it and cant wait till i move out so i wont have to deal with it ne more yeah hym nd iono this year has open out prety wel wit guys at least like all da guys in my classes are nice and den ppl i dont noe are nice but in 20 days i actually find out how pathetic i am so good days fo me! haha yeah aww da rally on friday was so cool like i was so glad wen dey said in da mix r class actually said..06 haha and yeah im about ready to giv up one event in my life dont want 2 say it cuz i dotn want rumors to start so yeah haah other wise today i went job searching..kinda for me but mostly for ryan haha cuz he got kicked out of Dbar so now hes at garey and has no money for the baby haha so he got forced to another job lol o goodie the mo i dont see him da mo life has to be put on hold cuz he actually talks to me about it and udnerstands nd doesnt put gay ass jokes like some of my otha buddys yeah wel hym...homecoming is almost here haha den b4 u noe it be time for graduation haha yeah but i doubt ill go to homecomin not unless i got a date or im on court nd hah to bad none of those will happen lol so i gues im staying home this year two hips and a horray! haha yeah wel ders not that much goin on i just been quite busy with cheer and asb so its iight

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

A GARAGE-GURL. Youre into loud music, hot guys and
wild fashions. Youre most at ease when youve
got all your mates around you and you like to
party. Boys are a game and youre always on the
ball
Your virtues: Confidence, fun nature, sociability.
Your flaws: Loudness, jealous tendency, need for
attention.

What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-08-30T10:32:00.000-07:00
-Shall Not Speak-
wel i havent wrote in awhile iono ive been busy lately not just doin things for me but doing things for others. the past week ive been at school at 630 it wasnt really that bad i had ot get use to the habit of wakin earlier neways but people think im crazy fo doin asb but iono its gives me somethign to do with my life and meetin otha people besides people ive known for awhile. wel this week was bascially the first sign of school is approaching yeah lovely school regristration was iight kinda frustrating and tiring but it was cool. i tired changing mi class but they wouldnt let me cuz the class was full so that brougth me down but o well at least i have class with trisa! yeah since her schedule got changed yep yep! wel uhm thursday me holly and trisa went to montclair mall ..haha..oh wat a day..we got there and uhm it was cute cuz there were these lil boys about 6 or 8? and we walked by them and there like hello ladies!! its was adorable haha! yeah nd then i learned alot from asb with the whole tarnishing of a brand theory yeah makes me look at the places i wanna eat now! haha yeah and we were trying to find holly some shoes but chucks are so expenisve nowadays!! yeah den we raided all the stores =] especially anchor blue im surprised they didint kick us out with all the yellin we were doing haha we found this cool device in there cant say wat is [not till later at least haha] but yeah all i can say is revenge hahaha but neways we got home and den da next day was freshmen day..yeah wel the day started off iight i think i was tired haha yeah i kinda saw people real colors but its okay i guess at least everything is solved..

[in me]
oh mayn did i get hit with the stick again or what...i really hat eit wen people take a good fresh new mind and turn my m ind into soemthign where i have doubt myself i hate it so much..its like iono it seems like i have problems and then like when i solve the problem a couple days later soemone got to bring up mo drama and then im back on that road again and i hate it so much..last night was the worst madness i had ever had even more then when i punched a hole in the wall ...urgh iono all i knew is i ahd to elave the hosue b4 id do something i regret so i did i left i left and didnt come back for a long time and i came to think maybe its true maybe all i care about is me maybe so u noe if thats the deal then maybe i should let ME go cuz it soudns like everyone is tired of ME so watever iono ne more...u noe maybe i sould follow the words i told a friend...give life a chance hey thats wa i did and look at me now...wel 5 days later look at me now im back where i am and u noe i gave it a chance and someone had to drop a storm on it and yeah u noe i was really exciteed aobut this school year i was lookin forward to all the things my friends planned fo da year but all i wanna do to think about it is just go leave or hide osmewhere cuz i dont want people to think im a self centered bitch..so hope you guys have a wonderful day w/o ME in it.

2003-08-25T21:35:00.000-07:00
yIpPE
wow today was so cooL!! i woke up at 6 to get ready fo regristration and i got to work schdule best job why cuz u get to see everyone no matter what!! and hey wa can i say there are sooo many incomin hot sophies this year!!! WHOO!!! im happie about that so this year should be quite fun and i got to see soo many new faces and people it was so exciting haha yeah and got to see Trisa who i havent seen in forever!!!! yeah but dne i got to see al my freshmen buddies yah aw i mised them glad there here though yeah and hym even though i got in trouble alot it was all worth it cuz i got to talk to people i just met so it was kooli yep yep but yea neways wen it was over i had to go watch football cuz my brother joined football! wow huh wel yeah then we went to chicks and i saw shoes but they iddnt have my size so i was bummed but then my mom took me to the brea mall cu zi ahd to pick up a gift and i went to boardwalk and got some cute shoes!! yay haha now i need to go clothes shoppin!! haha cant wait cant wait! yeah a time of the year i love cuz i only get new clothes once a year! and i dont go to pay fo them! so its alll good yeah but yeah it was a long day though and sucks cuz schools is about to start!! but its cool cuz all my friends are in my classes yea if you hav class or lunch with me holla!!
0]asb
1] Chemistry H -Olsen
2] Spanish 2 -Edge
3] Pre Calc. H- Crabtree
4] English 2-H-Eichen
5] Wrld History H- Stoklee
6] Cheer

yep yep so it coolies wel hym there not much to say cuz i dont got time to actually think about things wen im buzy so ill write back lata

2003-08-24T12:52:00.000-07:00
whOot whOot
geez its been a long week and first time i ever instead of gett mad/sad/glad over soemthing i finally took it in consideration and said to myself..wel i guess im learning...kinda a good feeling?

[thursday] sorry i was never home blog or rye down wa i was doin but yea on thrs and friday i was at the asb retreat it was iight haha there were alot of laughs but there wer alot of grrs to haha wel wen we went we wer playing ice breakers and then we got on da bus to the getty!! yeppe ive been there b4 so it was kinda boring to walk through everythign so wen we got bored we kinda didnt follow there rules haha we went ova dis railing to go on the "forbidden" grass and we got kicked off of that and i just dont undastand wen a sign says dont touch it didnt say dont sit hehe wel yeait was iight there it was super hot though and the bus ride home we just played 10 fingers and otha games so it was iight..then we got back adn did lectures and activitys and uhm at night time me and nancy couldnt sleep!! so liek we were suppsoe to wake up at 630 am and me and nancy went to bed at 6 am! haha i was sooo tired the nextmorning but cant take the energy out of melissa nope nope hehe...wel there not much to talk about its mostly u had to been there to see it..

[saturday] ohh wa a day wel today was da day of da gay BBQ we went and we bascially had a practice!! it was gay we didint really get to go chat with ppl cuz we practice performed practiced sold ice cream then on yer own kinda yah! wel i got home and my mom took me and my bro to tillys fo school shoppin! yea it was iight i mostly helped my bro with clothes cuz i had already picked my clothes out haha but they didnt have my shoe size so i was upset haha but neways then i got home and ha pollo asada! yummI!! yeah the kinda chilled adn lata went to jons casa and it was quite fun. that was my most saying im learning how to change my attitude towards things and instead of goin in moods i just took it and moved on..so it was okay...

wel my so called life..haha wel im actually glad im living on earth and i cant wait to see wa else it has to bring to me ..yeah even the thigns that were brought up to me like..a friend saying "we ruined her life" or seeing how ppl changed during the summer [with everything] its liek me saying hah im moving cuz i aint goin to let it affect me i aint goin to let someone tellin me that i ruined her life ruin me cuz i noe i cant fix ruining her life so it prolli best i stay out of it ryte? that basically was she saying cuz if i wer in it i would ruin it even mor and why would u want friends that ruin yer life??? so yeah that problem is out the window and yea im glad ryan is home yeah i had so much to tell him but he got mad at me cuz of soemting he though i did but iono heyll get ova it?? yeah wel i hope i can finish this summer wit mo life experiances cuz yeah i need it..wel theres not much to write cuz yeah i dont got any major things running through me head at the momento so i gues ill blat laters...payce

2003-08-20T23:20:00.000-07:00
hym...
[update on dis] wel im not done but i guess it viewable yea iono when i get dramas in my life i spend all my time online doine gay thigns like this! then in a week i throw it away cuz thats jus tthe way i am..but my drama isnt done so i hope i can get mo shiz! [if dis is jen.email me with the shiz danks]

[Wednesday] wel today is wednesday and wat a days it been...i woke up in a kinda bad mood cuz my mom kept tellin me to do things when i can barly see to even talk to her or understnad wats shes saying!! iono im melissa and yes i have a problem the past couple years i tend to get two headaches a day and i blank out and my vision goes out or i find myself not hungry half the time...no im not annerix for the people who talk shit and u noe hoo u are my immune system is just plain weird kinda like me!! but wen i black out i cant walk and usually hit things thats why i get bruises and shit but owell i guess ill soon find out why this is always happening to me riote?? wel after the yellin i took a shower and was getting ready for lovely ol cheer practice!! yipp...wel my dad took me except he lsot his keys so it kinda took awhile buts its all good not like i was in a joy to get there and once i got there their were so many htings fo me to do and now we got to put on a gay routine at BBQ on saturday sorry to dissappoint u but its sucs so dont go!! but yea after that i got a ride from gattos brother it was fun iono i like riding in teenagers cars it just me haha as long as there not my parents or someone elses im in love with it haha but yea i got home and watched TRL i havent done that since the 6th grade!! yeah haha then my mom picked me up to get my classes! im okay with them they aint bad jus holla if u got class with me! but yeah then the rest of th eday kinda kicked it at home yea kinda tired of my mom cuz she keeps yellin at me and today we were actually sitting as a family (I noe shocker!) wel i was scoring some point with the snazzy comments that came from my mouth that for the first time my dad was jokin with me but my mom came basck with "melissa u aint goin no where for 3 weeks!!" i was like o wow! so yeah she be yellin at me n my brother for gay thigns and it really bugs me shes gets mad at me if i put one of the cups wrong in the dishwasher!! WHO GIVES A FUCK how i put it in the dishwaser but owel that life!! tomamrow is the asb retreat! yeah i cant wait it should be fun! something about being with the people in asb makes me feel like ill always have a friend within all of dem ..iono i guess its weird but maybe thats why i go to every school function cuz asb jus reminds me of a home i never had..but yeah cant wait for tommarow were goin to the getty! the brings back sooo many memories [remeber going there?] yeah wel i havent started packing haah i can finaly say that ima sleep on the school campus!! yeah wel hym ...
[life stats] i guess im doin okay?? iono i think my frined are in more sticky situations then i am but iono i guess i cant really od nethign cuz wa i say prolli wont make a big impact after someone yells at u in the past for doing it and u see thatthere doing somethign silmilar i dont want to start yellin cuz it wont matter..one of my friend hates her life but i know deep down sheyll get through it shes just need to do it on her own cuz ppl yellin only makes thigns worse that why i havent lectured ive listened and give opinion never lectured and i hope she get on the ryte path cuz i seriously dont noe wat i would do without her shes always there for me unlike a couple of my past friend so yeah but hym ryans in mammoth taking a "break on life" yeah i know what that means it means im gettin high! yeah iono i wish he was here so i can tell him some stuff cuz he always leads me the ryte way in life and i help him to i jsut wish he owuldnt do nething cuz he be hurting alot mroe ppl then just me..but yeah i finnnally decided that im wasting my time away on love that i need to live life so i dont care like what people do it watevernow cuz its my word aganist others u noe so watever and u noe listening to other realtaionship problems kinda sucks and if i were in that situation ill prolli in the same postion. yeah iono i dont think people trust me with certain things iono i just have a feeling...but neways moving along..hym its hard for me to hear ppl bring up things that happen in hawaii cuz i dont like remembering all of it!! i finnally accepted the fact that im not goin to see them anymore so its just soemthing i can say i had/did but yeah even though i miss soo much its hard my dad made this slide show and i watch it everyday and cry cuz it brigns back all these memories and it sucks but iono..school will start and soon enough ill be in college and forgot about it..but yeah..me and celeste were talkin about life and hows there no point and we came to think there really isnt why are we in a rush to grow up they say high school is the best life youll have but i dont like it and to think real life is ogin to be worse ima be with bills to pay kids to support a job dealin with people and all that BS why the hell do i want that?? i mean i already hate dealing with shit nowadays iono i think the reason i was put here was to experiance all the bad things that could happen to someone ..ya..o wel i guess ill learn and then b okay then fail...yea yea o n another thing you noe wat pops my bubbles is wen soemone acts different toward u in a certain group but wen there with there homies they treat u like shit i hate that and i ahte people of that thats why i just so an interest of not caring anymore!! yea and another thing..dont check me for marks on my wrist, bruises and shit cuz ure not goin to find any! i punish myself other ways...

they say my personality is...wel not all wat it says i noe aint true...=/

Idol

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
aww thats cute!! my sign of affection is..

innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-08-18T23:06:00.000-07:00
howdy howdy wel today i was extremly bored and i met some nice people the gave me the connections to actually make my lil blog thing mo funner!! so its not done k have patients!! haha wel i havent really gave the 411 on the past couple days due to the layout so heres and update.
if your in my life u noe how angry/bummed im about the quitin of the OC Crush yea wel my bro is on a new team and its a team for 16 years old and watever wel i went to there game scouting and i was very dis pleased!! these boys acted like they never seen a girl in there whole entire lives it was sad but it aws bad cuz they arent really cute..but yea so i went ot his game but im still mad i wont get to see "umhum" again.
On Sunday i hung out with Jessica. It was soo fun its always nice to go back and take a rain check and catch up with your old best friend. Its just different wen im around her like my whole vib eon what ive been throgh disappears just like old time but it was kool we went to the brea mall and bought clothes and adymn there are some really weird people at the brea mall..haha but it was all good and then it had to end but i noe will hang out later b4 school starts but after that i came home and did my chores and went out wiht holly and celeste except this time wen went to the Dbar teather and eleste changed are plans and we ended up hanging outside the whole time wel we had no ride sinc ewe missed are movie so we call ppl and finnaly got ahold of someone and then we gave them the wrong directions to my house so wer in the middle of the ghetto and chris "jokingly" wants us to get out b4 we get shot..it was kinda funny..but yea
wel today is monday and today started off rough! i had to wake up at 7 in da morning to go pick holly up because we had to go learn how to run a club!! it was horrible we sat there and did like nothing but listen for like 5 hours on the dos and donts of a club...not interesting then yeah but it was alryte cuz i got to see all the people i havent seen in awhile so it was ok in one perspective haha then i got home and went online and screamed cuz my computer was puttin everything in spanish!!! grr it really puts the chips in my cookies! yeah then i took a nap tehe im still a lil kid wel wen i woke up holly wanted us to go to the spectrum so we did but there wer no boys at all there were these one group of guys that wer putting soap in the little fountain and the gay security was all give me yer soap .quite interesting and then we tried going home these guys offered us a ride but we called chris for one so yeah

Back To Life-
the title of this thing is boys not out..its cuz the only reason the bunnie crew goes out is cuz we bascially check out the boy that are prwling down the streets in there cars or bikes but yea its night out to see boys and that why i hate goin back to school cuz im never goin to see boy i met in the summer like the boys at school and thats the main depressing point of my summer..i just like the boys of summer only haha and my summer is over i have asb and cheer till school starts so im in hell till school! so yipee me!! yeah but iono im still madly goin fo "14" iono i just hate thinking about it ok wel my friends half of them dont talk about whats goin on and some of them do ...wel as i recently mentioned i was in a fight with one of my good friend ryan and now wer iigh ti guess except hes in mammoth for like two weeks iono its weird cuz now that hes responsible for someone he cant handle his own problems so iono..its seem like some of my friend there really trying not to show wahts going on i noe 2 are having a hard time riote now and i KNOW theyll get through them and when they wanna talk theyll talk but as u noe i aint going to listen to any ones word tilll i hear its from the main person but i give them my love and prayers! it was really weird today wen i was listen to the KFROG (yes country is the new hiphop) and this sad song came on and it reminded me of something and iono kinda weird how some songs can actually relate to u in a way..and i hate the one i wish i could relate to!! wel its sad cuz th 24th and the 25 th are coming and that the anniversary of my grandma's (mema) death and aaliyah..its been awhile since she left but im really bummed cuz i dont have any gma like others my moms mom (my gma) past away not to long ago in June and my dad mom passed away from the disease Leukima it realyl sucks cuz i dont get the love and comments that only a gma can bring....and aaliyah music touched me in so many ways while i was growing up cuz that all my cousins ever played and then she past away from LAM so her music lives on in my for her and my cousin so yeah....moving on wel im pretty sure you guys are bored of listen to me gay ass life but u dont got to read this ..this is for me to write down my though so i can move on in life...

You are Snow White!

What Disney Princess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

your bitch.