Monday, February 16, 2004
xoxo at 12:04 PM
xoxo at 12:02 PM
((feeling-sick))((spinnin-One Call Away-Chingy))
dang my weekends have been pretty tyte this month...every weekend ive been in the moutians playing in the snow! haha wel afta schol friday headed out with the seniors on there retreat adn went to Alpine MEadow MOuntian Lodge or watever.pretty fun...the retreat is so frikkin of a learning expierance..i learned so much bout myself..dang you guys got to go to the retreat wen u become a senior haha yeah if u dont youll surly regret it later...wel yea i got home from teh retreat and then definite went to sleep haha slept for liek 4 hours then we went to party haha went to nicks house with kelly and celeste then we left and jose picked us up then we went off to joses house.haha partay..wel got there got some drinks and mia and matt and phill came haha chatted with them the night was pretty nice...yaeh wel got home around 1230 and jon called so talked to him fo 30 mins yep..wel yesterday..dang finished my room kinda! finally got a desk haha and a new matress for my bed..yeah so spent all da reorganized my room...yeah...wel my dad wouldnt let me go out last night to see butterfly effect with celeste =[ he says i always go out and im never home..wel im home on the weekdays..geez..lol wel yeah
allen called me..that was a big shock!! i was like dang ahvent talked to you in forever yeah talked for couple hours got caught up! yeah i miss him!! haha wel..i shall write latas..its my day off and i think ima go runnin haha ttyl
xoxo at 10:45 AM
Monday, February 09, 2004
((feeling: great))
dude had one of the best weekends ever! haha
friday jose picked me up and den picked up cel went to juice it up and bagel shop in the mornign haha pretty nice..then got to school and den lunch had a lil party with clara haha NICE then got busted after 5th! DAYMN!!! den after school fuckin off to ARROWHEAD!! dude got picked up in a limo went to starbuck got to gattos loaded and off we went haha jumped out of the car alot haha pretty sure there was flashing from some people! lol yeah wel got there pretty cold! but dude played in the snow SNOWBALL FIGHT then chilled next day..off to snowboarding..fuck my new favorite hobbie! lol i fell in love with it fell in some ice o wel..wel ya after that went back to cabin PARTY BEGAN haha did some shots and drinks got pretty out of it! we were jumping on the bed..or i was doing flip on the bed pretty sure frikkin fell lol it was cool and um talked to chris on the phone haha got us hyped pretty sure got pixs of some nastie shit!! dang all i gotta say is BIC LESBIANS AND SUCK HER haha so funny okay wel went into town and got home around 8 last night..had a blast so many memories pretty tyte...
wel today pretty kickback..i believe i made a wrong chocie... o wel ritoe..gotta move on..yeah wel yeah had a great lunch haha plan on having a great lunch manana =] yeah dang clara GO DOWN THE RIVER GET A FRIKIN BEAVER lol wel im out so byes
xoxo at 9:05 PM
Thursday, February 05, 2004
[[feeling-i think im gettin sick!]][[bumping-I Miss You-Blink182]]
today was pretty nice i guess u could say..first kinda sat there and watch FIRE and talked to fred yep yep and 2nd sat there and talked to emily and thrid sat there and sat there and 4th talked to christina bout gay stuff the ferternity dragon my ass then lunch was iight till my bracket broke again!! fuck another 50 dollars of my money down the draIN! THIS SUCKs on one stupid nacho my bracket breaks argh!! den went to stoklee uhm ASSEMBLY pretty tight wel me fred and diana wer like hey lets volunteer not thinking they would actually pick us omg they did SO MAJOR DOW!!! we got up there haha they made us FALL and do push up and shit and then the most funnest thing suicides!! haha get on top of ladder and fall bak TRUSTIN them wel of course ive done it b4 and da guy was like u should go to the top and the lady liek no stay where ure at and the guys liek keep goin and duh i was the one to fall the highest haha pretty nice..wel den after assembly stayed in gym and walked around during 6th after school chilled with fred haha pretty nice met saul yep yep chilled with mia and den went to driving! it was so frikkin hillarious cuz like we got trouble makers in r class haha and there so funny yet they got in major trouble today so r class got delyaed and so fun were learnign bout drinkin next week pretty nice!!
wel now im packing for...ARROWHEAD duh goin snowboarding with my chicas!! haha from friday till sunday night prettty nice im pretty sure ima brake something!! haha but ima miss celeste!! aww yeah u better not have fun this weekend !! yeah wel were suppose to go party and do soem whack things wer goin to try to find some mountian boys haha hopefully gots to find that sadies date lol jk..wel yeah iw anted to go to the show tonight SUCKS cuz my mom was being a jerk so i couldnt go but hollys taking me to the show on wed. so its iight but yea wel i shall go pack cuz i need sleep cuz jose is taken me n cel to juice it up in the morning so yeah..wel laters
MAKE SURE TO CALL MY CELL DURING THE WEEKEND!! love ya tons
xoxo at 10:24 PM
Monday, February 02, 2004
theres still tomarrow forget the sorrow...
[[feeling-ive been better]][[bumping-I Miss You-Blink182]]
[[sometimes it feels like i dont really know whats going on]]
hym..went to (zero) unloaded sat got out early (first) sat there started thinking =oh great= (second) uhm did homework i didnt do (third) thought some more..sucks majorally when you realize the bad parts and then go with the what ifs..i dont know why my cousin was put through that situation a year ago..i guess its life and her baby wasnt meant to meet the world..im tired of listenin to the doctors say "we dont know whats wrong, but were going to need to check up once a week, there a low chance but with your circumstance you never know" fuck mayn...i dont like hiding shit anymore i really dont..and its doesnt help when people say "shes not comign to school today cuz blah blah" daymn its my fuckin business if i wanted you to know i would of told you!! wel yeah i was sittin there and thinking of how my 18 year old cousins first baby couldnt even live ..and how it didnt even have a chance yet i have a chance in life and i hate it iono sometimes i think its pointless, but whatever...(fourth) pretty smooth did work and other homework..(lunch) streesfull but whatever (fifth) eh pretty dull (six) not as bad as i thought it would be..kinda got that priotity lecture and shit..after school no practice thank goodness..went and hung out with jamie watch boys varsity then walked around saw g. softball and b. baseball and boys jv soccer play yep yep walked back up adn talked hehe pretty chill jamie got a virus lol sucker! wel yeah then got home and my dad was making fun of whats his face on the car ride home haha my dad hate micheal pretty sad..then went driving in the rain at 830 pretty chill i liek diring with him i get alto off and he lsitens and has the funniest story! he let me drive in the big puddle dude its was like a waterpark purdy chill now im hoem listenin to lostprophets dude ian! haha hottie..gots to get da cd manana! wel im out ttyl
Watch it pass the day As it fades away No more time to care
<3 02.04.03 <3
xoxo at 9:18 PM
Saturday, January 31, 2004
*HUGS* TOTAL!
give xblackndstarx more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own
[Callin it: ..dead like me...]
[Feelin- iight]
[Bumpin- I Miss You- Blink 182]
[wishin- for some fun]
[Wanting: some fun!]
[Lazin in: jeans and shirt =]
[QuotE: i hope you think of me when your heart break and again when you pull the trigger .]
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
pretty nice day..woke up got some eggos did some chores took a nap cleaned my room took a hot shower..now bout to go partay and do wat i do every weekend (says jimmy lol)..pretty chill...wel yeah guess i best be bouncing outta here..
haha angela tellin me she doesnt want to lOSe me haha frikin prick ..lol
imaSEXIC: haha this is my sorry for you
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha wtf?
imaSEXIC: you know its like staying out to late and ahving too much to drink and then u r ending up getin raped!!
imaSEXIC: haha cant lose my seXey lover, so im SORRY forever haha
x bLaCknDstaR x: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
haha this ish jimmy callen me a hoe haha nice
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahahahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: den go out there lil cowboy and get it lol
ALEXISONFIR3: guess i gotta go to ur house
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha r u callen me a HOE!
ALEXISONFIR3: yes
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
xoxo at 4:50 PM
Thursday, January 29, 2004
[Callin it: ..what a day...]
[Feelin- iight]
[Bumpin-Away From Me-Puddle Of Mudd]
[wishin- freedom!!]
[Wanting: loves]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt =]
[QuotE: Im a strong girl. keepin everything in line..even with a tear runnin down my cheek i always manage 2 say im fine .]
wat a day hahaha
woke up went to general council pretty nice..then uhm first haha it sucks cuz im actually learning omg for once i did my homework WITHOUT copying haha daymn thats wat sitting in the front row does to you! okay went to senora bitch i ahte that class not much to say 3rd was iight learnin gi guess i actually do my homework by myself and he doesnt collect it! fuger! okay went to eich so fucking awesome!! eichen was basically letting me use and play with my phone!! haha NICE!! yeah i was sending him pictures through email and he was amazed i could do it on my phone so yeah and hym went to lunch wel actually went to NHS meeting took soo daymn long...denate and i was liek choking haha cuz i cant eat cuz of my teeth and while im adjusting Mr alex was riote by r table haha smile..okay...den hym stoklee I HATE HER!!! URGH SUSPEND ME IF U WANT BUT SHES SOOOO MEAN!! okay i wanted to use the bathroom i really needed to use it and she was like u always go everyday u ask and i always let you soo no and im liek WTF no i dont i ask and u always say no and she and i are argued so i sat there and didnt talk or ddo any of her work cuz shes a bioth yeah wel watever shes a walrus and a horse mouth mix together!!!! ok then went to cheer class..fundamentals in cheer stretched...cheered...meeting..yeah bascially got wa u CANT do in uniform...lets put it this way..only where UNIFORM...NO BOYS...NO PDA...NO ASSOCIATING..haha pretty funny but manana is like r last game =[ wel for a LONG time..so yeah den after cheer went to go see wa track is all about haha just havent figured out how to roc i joined but should be a fun experiance cuz im doing it wit mrs celeste haha so yea ..wel after that chileld with jonathan and jimmy..yeah took the home as the squished me in the back seat!! meanasses yeah then went to behind the wheel...
SO FUCKING AWESOME drove on the freeway today PRETTY NICE!! yeah A+ driver riote here..lol wel yeah went driving then driving class den now im here so yeah i shall take a shower and ttyl
xoxo at 9:02 PM
Monday, January 26, 2004
[Callin it: ..hym...]
[Feelin- confused]
[Bumpin-Away From Me-Puddle Of Mudd]
[wishin- to go back]
[Wanting: loves]
[Lazin in: sweat pants and hollister shirt =]
[QuotE: Im a strong girl. keepin everything in line..even with a tear runnin down my cheek i always manage 2 say im fine .]
i found out soo many interesting thigns today!
okay first! OMFG THERE MAKING ME SIT IN THE FRONT ROW in CHEM!! im soo mad me and fred were are we sitting! IN THE FUCKING FRONT ROW!! SUCKS SOOO MUCH!! so now we sit there and get r grades ..grrr walked out wit a B haha yay!
went to 2nd pretty okay...new seating chart but im in the same seat thank goodness! yah chilled wit jolene haha
i hate pre calc! urgh pisses me off..how he collects everything and den URGH doesnt tell us hes collecting it that day!! so now i lost like 40 points to my old grade so wa my grades a D NOW!! pisses me off i failed the final literalyl on stupid errors!! i would of at least got a C if i payed attention shit whatever my over grade w/o the things he colelct is a C...w/e now i got to drop asb or cheer..hym i wonder..how bout the one they dont pay money for
fourth-pretty kickback..lots of laughs..Uhm the broken heart looks like there making out haha nice...yeah got the new rules i myte have1st lUnch every friday! cuz eichen hates having 2nd lunch so hes liek yeah weyll prolli have to change it soemtimes haha ScORE!. and he forgot his gradebook so no grade just yet
fifth-okay boring sat there talked about WW1 oh joyous!! yeah she didnt even grade r finals so i cant get a grade yet grr i turned in my essay though muahaha
6th haha COOper was r sUB! haha yeah den carmel came geez ruin teh fuN!! wel i was sitting there and we were making jokes about ALEXIA haha yeah i was liek oh shit waterbroke and then we got in trouble for laughin w/e went out aside and April was taking pixs for the yaer book so we had to PRETEND we r a happy bunch and do stunts and shit omfg wat a FAKE yeah wel april camera was on r stunt group the most haha it was soo funny cuz the other groups wer trying ot get pictures but yet all there bellys were showing liek BIG TIME haha and of course no bellys r to be shown so shall b interesting and den varsity thoguht they were big shots wen r stunt went up and there didnt and didnt call bring down shit we stood up there and then i was liek thanks for callen it i sware..no respect coming from that end..be queit..HOW BOUT U GUYS BE QUIET!! yeah whatever..im over it den we had no practice haha whoo hooo...yeah
wel after school pretty tyte OMG I GAVE TEH BIRD TO EICHeN! it was SOOOO FUNNY!! okay he was talking to Jay and them and playin his guitar and den im liek stop playin u cant play and hes liek "hey girls symbolism!" [that wat wer learning in class] and then FLIPS ME OFF! and im like "Hey GOD ALLegoire" (cuz wer learning that in class) and i flip him off!!! hahahahahah sooo funny i flipped off god..going to hell..lol yeah then me and holyl kicked back walked around played the guitar and other insturments and kciked it with whoever was around now im home and my dads showing us pixs of his trip and yeah wel ...i shall ttyl
xoxo at 6:35 PM
Sunday, January 25, 2004
[Callin it: ..so now what...]
[Feelin- confused]
[Bumpin-Away From Me-Puddle Of Mudd]
[wishin- to go back]
[Wanting: loves]
[Lazin in: dance pants and a sweatshirt]
[QuotE: ..i had fallen head ova heel..and i cant get up i dont want to get up.]
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Love..Such a many splended thing?
No
Love is your heart on fuckin drugs
________________________________________________________________
Im a strong girl. keepin everything in line..even with a tear runnin down my cheek i always manage 2 say im fine
--
being in love means you want that person to be happy, even if them being happy means not being with you
--
"Who do you turn to, when the only person who can stop you crying, is the exact person who is making you cry?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
today was okay..heh first weekend wer i actually dont have a story to tell! yeah shock..wel it was okay had alot to think about..yesterday jsut went to hollys den to dennis....yep kicked back..came home talked on the phone..today was iight talked to mr ryan and got some feedback..yep....cant trust friends anymore nopes...
xoxo at 6:56 PM
Saturday, January 24, 2004
feeling: just dandy
chatting: nobody!
Quote:If you're asking if i need you, the answer is forever.If you're asking if i'll leave you, the answer is never.If you're asking what i value, the answer is you.If you're asking if i love you, the answer is I i do
********************************************************************
hym its saturday morning...my dads coming home...lol in less then an hour...so got an hour to do watever yeah wel finalyl finals are over and i noe liek 4 grades out of my 7 classes haha i passed my chem final!! lol! yeah i walked out of that class with a B nice!! and den i raised my spanish grade from a C- to an A- fucking awesome!! haha yeah and of course A's in asb in cheer..easy lol otherwise thank god finals are over! yeah its been a long week...
iono kinda confused about friendships and the whole boy issues whatever..i was meant to feel like this u noe..my lifes a whole repeat...so whatever..im over it
wel yeah last nigth was pretty chill...went to cheer..omg 2nd game LOST MY VOICE!!! daymn that game was like yer on the edge of yer seat yep yep...o great..wel den went home and cel and hol and trisa came over and chilled for awhile and den jose picked us up and went to juice up...and den went to his house chileld wit his brother some pretty hillarious shit..and watch the ring and halloween..yep yep then came home went to bed now im here tryign to find something to do tonight i have driving today! yep wer actually going to drive on the crowded streets haha nice!!! and tuesday i get to drive the freeway..yeah only 5 months!! alrite wel im out....
xoxo at 1:23 PM
Thursday, January 22, 2004
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hym today..pretty tight...woke up couldnt find my skirt =[ so i wore shorts =] uhm wen to school got tutored in some chemistry lol...went to first got Krispy kremes! lol yum uhm did iight on chem final..i think...den went to pre calc..pretty okay i guess he put meeh in the corner!! seriously like i was on tiem out to take the final!! pretty weird staring at the wall in front of u and to the side of you! yeah kinda did iight on that final..went to lunch fucking croweded as hell...but gots to sit in the sun whoot yeah didnt buy lunch cuz didnt want to stand in lines! yeah went to wrld history..pretty ok final was iight sat there and wrote letters...yep yep...after school urgh my mom like picked me up on time fuck i wanted to stay and talk to people but whatevers...got home and been watching tv..got to get a move on and read those books for eichen and uhm...study for my driving mid term test tonight ..
oh mayn hym i was talkin to my "fruit" haha yeah me n her r startig to talk now and we were talking bout like people boys in general and i came to realize that i dont noe what the hell i want ne more..and wen it comes to guys i get jealous easliy especially wen a friend does that backstabbing shit...fuck u aint got it so u mind as well stoP!!!..wel yeah i guess its nothign new cuz i always lose a guy cuz of one of my friends..but watever iono im confused
yeah wel one more da of finals and then those grades all erase and we start a new semester..thank god..wel im out..
bUTTerFly EffeCT!! MANANA Must SEE!!
xoxo at 3:36 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
today al and all aws a pretty good day =]
i woke up around 300! yeah looked at the rain and went back to sleep and den woke up at 645 got dressed and left for asb..asb was iight did a self assesment..yeah den off to first so fuckin tyte!...iight for one thing FUCK the smartasses in r class cuz all the answers came from the cheerleaders and bball players so all u can suck it wel if u dont noe today we went to mr marquez class to play jeoparys olsens calss vs his class...haha mrs olsen wanted to bet..so she better if our class one mr marquez would have to buy us breakfast manana..wel..haha we won like 3000 to 1000..haha nice..so we get breakfast manana!! yum doughnuts and hot chocOlate!! yeah wel then she gave us are test back and are grades i got a C on test!! Im SOOO happie haha shut up ok wel she alo gave us grades as in if if we fail the final what r grade would be wel my reg grade is a B so i i dont take the test it would b a C so no matter what i pass the class!! yep yep wont have to quit cheer or asb! nice went to 2nd uhm did the :Listening: part of r final..cept mrs edge thought i was cheating!!! so she made me remove my sweatshirt!! can u believe that.how the fuck can i cheat on a listening section! no sense!! okay wel went to 3rd crabbie wasnt there!! haha i finally literally learned soemthing in that class!! nowi noe wel at least ill pass the final..haha wit a C or higher! haha yeah wel then lunch got soem nACHoS haha nice new thing now! yeah kinda chilled at lunch ...wel then went to english and wrote letters and uhm pretend to read! and stoklee kinda learned thigns her final should b easy yeah 6th okay let just say for the self assenment in cheered i spoke my mind so wer prolli goin to have to get in one of those meetings cuz i literally said how backstabbing the squads are and like how i felt and why ill never be respected as a captain since my squad doesnt want me as one..wel yeah spoke my mind and so did gracie..yep yep kinda felt better after it aLmost cried! lol joking wel den stayed after school whoopppie and den oof to driving!!! omg i drove for an hour in the streets today soOo much fun haha fuckin passed yeah alex is cool soo open can tell him nething yep yep..wel get to go driving on saturday and then on thrs get to go on the freeway..cant wait =] okay wel my daddy is coming home on saturday..great kinda feels like we can live w/o him no drama!! lol jk he Caught liek a 200 pound fish twice! thats fuckin awesome so his pic on a website nd everything! but yeah so he shall b in a good mood...
wel neways i shall talk later got to study fo dose finals!!
xoxo at 6:00 PM
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
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where is love when there are tears running down yur cheeks and im gone. where is love when im pouring my veins into the world. its nothing and everything at the same time. it brings me so much pain yet i cant live with out it. i wake up in a dazed stated and the sun shines through my glass window was it a dream all along? no it was real my window is still stained with blood in ur name and im lying in a pool. i wont ever wake to this again i'll shut my eyes and hope to never see the light of day again
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
xoxo at 9:20 PM
today:
okay i started out the day positive saying...melissa your goin to have a good day..wel didnt work..
was late asb..oh whoopie te doo
in chem i know i failed my indvidual/aprtner test...
in spanish-ok act liek i noe how to put my words in past tense!! failed part of the final!
in pre calc- holy shit FAILED (LITERALLY) my SAT test and Chapter 2-4 test...yikes my grade prolli goes from and 84%-to a 74%!!! i hate that class!!
lunch- it was iight grubbed haha cept some people kinda felt like i was invisible..but w/e
enGlish-okayu hm..didnt do much got all are work back yikes maybe i should really study for vocab test haha
in world history- OK THANKS CHRISTINA haha those answers wer wrong!! i got a D on stoklees test!! lol thanks god it only dropped my grade one percent so no i have an 89.9!!
in cheer- uhm did nothing but cheer and RUN!! haha we had runnin test of are final today..manana is a self assentment test..o yay
cheer practice00did fuckin nothing but talk!! okay like me n fred start making up some nasty cheers haha nice!! and den hedi is like ""Who out of JV is a Virgin" haha fuck..all of them got on r asses..and den freshmen and varsity was like hol up...yeah pretty interesting haha it was funny though we were talkin bout poppin cherrys and shit,....wer so open in cheer.. lol
then fter school just kicked omg phils car is soooo nice its talks!! haha yeah and stupid jOSE URGH u werent suppose to say a daymn thing goin to kill you!! yeah wel phil drove us across the street he wouldnt let me drive!! haha next time!! okay yeah wel now im off to driving school oh joy!! and tomarrow i get to go out driving with mr alEX...yeP but nope my mom didnt let me practice!! haha so yay..
now i get to go see...SEXSI BOBBY!!! whoot whoot wel ill try to take a pix =] yep yep
wel love ya guys mucha!!
xoxo at 5:44 PM
Monday, January 19, 2004
feeling- awesome!
listenin to -brand new
chatting with- shannon and celeste
quote-
lIve lIFe to fuckin fullest
omfg!! haha FINALLY IT LETS ME SIGN ON!
___________________________________________________________________
well hym..i just read some blogs and since im like a week late heres some responses..
okay fo one thing...i just wanted to noe if u wer really talking shit behing my back!! thats it all u had to say was no or yes and i aint going to say who told me becuase thats wrong on my behalf..and another thing is ive never said shit that u told me to other people..i already told u im done talkin bcuz there really is no point to it and dont be down all the time cuz u do have people that love you just sometimes i think u dont want to be around me..but otherwise..i aint mad just wanted an answer and i wasnt talken shit..iight dones
___________________________________________________________________
haha iight i had one of thes best weekends i learned soo much this past week..i cant really explain it all due to i dont really remember nethign but ill share my lovely weekend!!
ok friday- it was a pretty okay day i guess u can say? i got to schol failed the chem test lol and den da rest of the day was pretty kick 6 period rolled along..figured out some fact form ppl got to talk to some ppl that i thought wer like mad at mea nd im happy ot neo wer friends again =] wel den after school of course we had to cheer..mr eichen decieded to tell lovette bout my status in his class..kinda got a lecture from lovette..wel watever the first game was iight and den 2n game was a bummer..wel after half time at least..iono if you guys dont wanna listen to me then i wont say a word! u guys are all like oh whats wrong..why arent u hyper..wel mayb cuz u guys dont even give a fuck..so w.e i guess i left the game and got my stuff and the fun began!! haha its like 8ish and i get the car with jose celeste kelly and melissa and we got to my house to change and then off to melissas house..we get there and chill and den bryan walks through the door and den we get some Del Taco and den we get bak to melissas eat and then CHRISTIN AND JOSH come omg SO HILLARIOUS!! i couldnt stop laughin there sooo funny!!! haha they were talkin bout melissa dog cuz hes a killer lol and shit and den like they left and we left as well we went to JErs house but he was a at savon wel we get to savon total waste of time so we go to robbies house haha and den caught up with phil danny chris robbie and den we chill outside and laugh its was soo funny the shit people dont noe wa they do wen der drunk nice stories!! haha and den its got to be like 1230 ish so melissa gets in joses car and like we all jump in and melissa yellin at jo0se to let her drive us home haha soo funny and den robbies all mooning us..lol nice..okay wel den melissa drove joses and me kelly and celeste all home and den got home and went to catch some zZz's
ok wel next morning wake up at 7 and off to pick up celsete! were we going?? to biG bear!! haha hoping to catch some snow!! haha wel we get there and theres no snow! lol so funnt we go to "RIM OF THE WORLD HIGH SCHOOL" haha to watch my brother wrestling tounrey..lol and den uhm got to some heavy weight! so gross den me and ceslte go on an adventure and we go into the mountains haha got lost!! lol took some pictures went rock climbing played with the branches and logs haha so fun went down the tunnerl slide carved are names in trees lol wel we go and get some burger king..and den head back home..haha we go to the edge of the world and look at the pretty sceanary!! and den off we goo haha slept the car ride home and den get home do my hair and off we go again! wel my madre dropped us off at joses house aorund 5 and den we get tehre and kelly melissa evan robbie and evan are there already gone so we get started on ar enight full of fun =] (sorry all promises i made are now broken) and den we palyed some cards and den ppl started coming haha the night was hillarious okay wel we stop by stephs house..okay i felt so not welcomed as it was and i didnt even noe anyone so we left..wer drving down the hill and we see this guy on the wrong side of the road!! haha soo funny and we thought we were drunk! lol ok so we get back and omfg there were like at least 20 ppl outside!! so like ppl the werent invited were all fightin with them haha cept the girls had to stay inside! wel we threatened to call the police and they all left haha nice so we get in and do some more fun watch some tv and chill and den go get some carls Jr wit robbie nd gets pretty late and everyone starts to leave around 1ish wel hell no we aint haha me celeste melissa kelly and i are of course spinnin the night!! slumber party at joses..so around 1ish we all jump on the bed and den phil danny tim mason and all of them come home we were sitting on the couch waiting and den dey had to leave and den me and kelly watch some tv and den go into the room and watch some resident evil and fall asleep around 3-4 haha nice..woke up jumped on jose and cel and den bugged him to take us out to breakfast haha we went to wendys yum! haha gotta numba 1! den got back to joses ate and cleaned and den sat and chilled and talked haha and den robbie calls wanting to go ot the movies so we all go home and get ready...
me and cel get home and we do my chores and clean and watch some "just married" and den robbie comes to pick us up..haha we get in and den off to pick up laura..den we went to pick up kelly and melissa and den off to puente we go..we walked around and shopped had some laughs haha "the viberating catapiller" and den we went to eat at thje food court lol nice..so L&Ls and pRetZEls ! haha den jose came adn we went to go watch My baby DaddY! haha so stoopid wel we get in and 5 mins before the movies is over of course someone pulls the fuckin FIre AlarM! an d of course wer all yellin refund and shit adn no one is moving cuz of course there no fuckin fire..would b sad if there was cuz we would of died haha so we wait for like 8 mins and the movies starts up again..and den movie over and we start heading to the car..and den we go to lauras house and she gettin bathign suits cuz wer goin swimmin haha in the cold..so we all go an den go to kellys house and den we go to the pool..lol wel me n cel didnt go cuz of course..wit kelly melissa and laura boobs..there no way in helli would fit in there bikinis..lol so wer sitting in the pool with kelly laura melissa robbie and jose get all the shit said and chillen and den bryan and terek come and den lance dayna gabe and devin roll in we chat and shit and den time to go..lol partys over..so me and cel go wait outside and den we leave...
one of the best fuckin weekends in the whole world..now its monday..and my comps been broken so its all good now since its fixed =] yeah and den uhm i noe tommarow goin to be different cuz i noe some ppl are hating on me o wel..w/e i made my chocies and im happy with them..i now have likea new bunch of friends haha nice and to add that i got to learn alot..yeah..and got to get fat since all i ate was junk food haha nice!!
xoxo at 4:01 PM
Saturday, January 10, 2004
A Girls First Time
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
hes gentle like he promised hed be
He looks deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before
His coolsmile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
more room for an easy
entrance You begin to plead and beg him to hurry
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as lit! tle pain as
possible. As he presses
closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinkin' ?
PERVERT
I know what you were thinking!
first week back
feeling: tired, aching, sick!
bumping: Brand New- Quiet THings noone ever noes
quote: wasting my words on lowercases and capitals
okay its been a pretty crazy week...i didnt really get a chance to write cuz the system was down for me so heres my week:
monday: ah first day of school...geez its wass iight...i got to see people yay..but then i had to deal with the whole..school shit..i cant really remember anything but all i know is urgh i hate eichen and his gay theory on essays!! i sware i hate rewritign the same ssay 3 times!! but this one he said i had ot sit down with him so he can explain..grr..okay wel then after school we had a game..yeah w/e back to cheer haha..okay then after the game kinda chilled with the homies adn then my dad and mom came to pick me n my bro up and off we go to san diego!..yiek it took us 2 hours to get there just to drop off my dad since hes going on a fishing trip for a whole month..the joy =] ok wel then we went to taco bell in san diego yumm and dne off we go tback home took two hours to get home and i didnt get home till liek 12 at night!! wel i got home went to bed and den yeah
tuesday: okay so bascialyl was a usual days...had wrestling after school..and just kinda hung around...
wednesday: my birthday haha okay..wel i woke up and uhm..felt the same did the usual and got to school and i almost felt like crying iono why wel diana adn the freshmen said happy birthday and den like around b4 1st the cheerleaders all came poundering in with happy birthdays and gifts and den asb finally noticed it was my bday so yeah den my friends and den off to first..yeah say there laughin nd usualy wit mia and fred then off to 2nd. and den yeah came lunch and i ate like 2 of my 5 cakes..lol thanks you ...i think there tellin me to get fat..wel then the day went on and yeah after school i hung out with emily and meliinda..cuz my friends had games or they went somewhere with other people so i was like...okay...and den we kidna watched some bball and soccer and den hung wit the freshmen and den uhm....my mom picked me up and we went to get some taco bell..den i went home and was online...from like 5-11 and just yeah..iono wasnt one of my best birthdays but w/e cant go back and redo it so thanks foeveryone who cared loves yahs..
thrs: okay wel lets see...school was uhm usual...did watever..uhm afterschool i kicked it with the cheerleaders cuz we had gay practice..and it sucked cuz we couldnt practice cuz fred wasnt there so it was bascially a waste of my time!! so after practice we kidna jsut hugn aorudn till the wrestlin match...the match uhm haha no one wrestled for JV cept one person i talked with the 3 hoes and some other freshmen folks and den kinda went to driving school..and den fred told me she wasnt goin to b in school on friday,,that were i got pist ? why! cuz WE dont have a fuckin backbase for are routine the was jsut frikin learned!! sucked..wel went to drivin school..sat aroudn..and went home and ate in n out and den talekd to mia on the phone and den went to bed..
friday: urgh worst day in my life almost..okay 6 am call..got to school at 6 am..did watever for the rally ..7 am comes adn ihear the vocie of heidi telling us that sicne fred isnt here that ALL OF MY STUNTS ARE CUT FROM TEH ROUTINE i was soooo mad cuz that means we bascially wasted are fuckin time doin nothing!! okay so the put us in some gay positions..watever ill remember that next time around..so fuck are routine wasnt even frikin good at practice..we didnt no were to go the sweet vocies of varsity yelling at us..okay wel the school day began and first i had to deal wit frikin so called best friends yellen adn talkin shit for no fuckin reason and den first period came took a quiz and listen to mrs olsen talk how much she hates cheerleaders and basketball players! w/e ok so the day oges on and its time to get out for the rally..we go practice for the rally..still looks liek shit and then the rally begins..wel i had to particpate in the gimme gimme game cuz wel..im soph vp didnt want to be all yeah so i did that and den off to are performance..wel w/e got through wit it ryte? ok den we had 2 lunches nice..i needed that until Booge took my cell phone away from me!! i was liek wtf and den she answer my phone wen my mom called later on and so urgh my mom was all mad that my phone got tooken away..wel then went to 5th adn i slept..yeah or napped watever and den off to 6 and wel b4 6 period my EX best friend told me he didnt want to be my best friend wel watever i hope u enjoy having your GIRLFRIEND as you fucking best friend and then i went to cafeteria bascially did nothin cuz we didnt have a teacher..then came after school i talked with jamie till like are games began ok to Varsity games back to back..ohh joyy...wel the game started and like...i had to sdit wit the freshmen cuz wat there faces took my seat!! so i sat with them and talked with christina okay mayn i learned alot shit and heard alot shit that made me URGH k wel then half tiem comes along..heh it came out same as rally..ok wel den 2nd game starts and hear the nerve of varsity captains telling US that were not cheering made me pist..wel then half time comes..ARE PERFORMANCE GOT FUCKED UP!! they didnt play the beg of are music..so are stunts didnt go up and stunts FELL omg it was soo mebarassing..wel i went outisde to eat wit the cheerleaders and den cheered and den heidi told me and sorriyah about how were not cheereing adn i yelled at heidi to go watch her own fuckin squad cuz we r cheer are loudest..and she looked at me and sat down..and den den end of game came around and i went to christina cuz she wasnt finished tellin me a story and den jamie got all mad at us iono..w/e your probably reading this..wel iono wat we did to get you all mad and you could of at least told us u were mad in the first place..ok wel then the after party..i didnt want to realyl tlak to anyone so trisa and holly we went in the gym and stayed there for liek 3 hours talking about all kinds of thigns..got alot of things out ..and den came home watched tv and slept ..
now today woke up at 2! okay listened to amanda and stephi guest list and celeste is tellin me to party tonight heck i need it..yeah and im in sooo much ache and pain..and i dont feel good.(aint nothing new havent felt good for like 2 weeks!) ..okay wel all i can say about this week i guess i learned alot about myself and others...
i didnt noe some people would stoop down sooo low and talk behind my back about shit thats NEVER going to happen...FUCK If you odnt want to be my friend then fine i dont want to be your if your goni to act the way or a fuckin girlfriend be my guest i aint goin to p0ut up with it and we u guys arent together i wont e tehre anymore so you fuckin ruined it for yerself! fuck and to the girlfriend...yeah thanks for thinking all the shit you thought..i thoght me n u were clsoe but i guess u wer only talking to me and bascialyl making sure i dont do shit cuz i was yer boyfriends best friend ..and to asnwer your questions u dont need to worry bout shit cuz now yer life will b better cuz u wont have to worry bout me even talkin to him ne more ..so r the both of you happy now?
iono friends are there for you wen u least expect it i guess..i guess u cant always count on the same friend eing there and i really appreciate it wen people i barly talked to or may have shut down were tehr for me this week love ya mucha..
iono this year goin to be different..i can already tell................
xoxo at 4:39 PM
Sunday, January 04, 2004
feeling: urgh
chattin: shannon
quotes: take this blade to my wrist..
__________________________________________________________________
miserie is so butyful? heh watever..okay uhm..today was ..the last day of winter break!! tears! im not looking forward to the next 6 months..nope nope i barly made it the first 4 months! iight almost half way there ..yikes then wer juniors haha nice..anyways today i spent my last day wakin up at like 1..playing with my phone and den doing chores then talkin online most of the day then jonathan called and i talked to him for an hour in half or so and den ate some snacks and den came back and emily called haha nice den i had to eat dinner den i took a shower then i came onlline..wa a last day!! yeah wel hrm as i was lookin online iw as omg here i go..lookin for a job..haha why..cuz i need money badly! lol and since ill be 16 on wednesday better to start of early..but yeah..this year goin to be really hectic sinc ei already pile myself wit enough stress and now that i have driving class on tues nd thrs it sucks cuz i cant do the fun stuff nemore haha wel ne hoo..im kinda mad ryte now..long story..but w/e im listenin to meeh static lullaby cd and its brining down my urghness haha (thanks holly) yeah and my throat hurts from yellin okay yea wel lets recap this winter break haha...
it started off pretty slow grounded from like the 17th till 23rd...so i kinda stayed home but hell that wasnt goin to stop my winter break wel i got over the fact of bein depressed and went out ..went out to partys..haha or bascially went to joses kickbacks..mets new people and now gots a whole bunch new friends..got some amigos to party with and uh yeah with..ok well got the habit of doin things poeple dont want me doing but watever..had my wat 3rd experiance last weeked? haha nice never thought someone u liked for like a year and then be in the position in a friendship with that person yeah..wel went out almost everyday from goin to soccer games to the mall..yeah bascially saw celsete everyday haha went to LA to go shopping..hell the fashion district =] yeah didnt buy a daymn thing spent are times at the mall lookin fo some guys haha den new years was eh haha alot of laughs alot of grins..but w/e got ot travel around haha and spend the new year wit my amigos =] yeah wel gots a permit so now i can drive in 6 months..and yeah had a surprise party throw for me..aww i love my friends wel..one of the best winter breaks i guess u could say..dont regret a thing and i think i really needed that 2 weeks off...it came just in time...=]
wel im out see u guys manana..thats the only part im lookin forward too
xoxo at 9:26 PM
Feeling: GREAT =D
chating: miz Emily and veronica
quotes: My friends are fucking awesome !
okay wel lets talk bout this day..so i get home from the can place with my dad being all anal and den seems liek my dad calmed down and he deiceded and said lets go to dinner i was liek since wen do we got out to dinner...so i went ot my room did homework cuz he said he had to watch the game and im liek why is the game so important wel yeah 730 rolled around and my dad takes me ot acapulco and im like since wen do we go to acapulco and i walk in and omfg i see cheerleaders im like daymn cheerleaders haha and den everyone was liek surprise omfg..a urprise party for me i was like shocked and wanted to cry..never thought people cared that much..wel look through room and saw faces of...holly celeste jamie grace friederike gatto veronica jonathan tony vince and den jessica albert and santos walked through the door and we ate and took picture and chilled and den liek did the happybday song and den wtf..i back away from the cake..cuz u noe they always hit u wit the cake so i went to go talk to my buddy vince and o geez here comes gatto she got me wit cake so i got rest room clean up and den im sittin talkin to jessica and here comes santos with cake in my face and then on top of that jonathan throw his cake on my face!!!..bastards!! haha joikin so we clean up and den dey tell me to open gifts..aww u guys dont got to get me shit!! wel i opened them up Didnt break a ribbon!! haha wel then we all kicked back and who walks in the door? mr nate and anthony!! geez haha so wer all laughing and having a good time and doing watever and den celeste said were going to victors house as part 2 of my surprise cuz i havent seen victor in what..forever!!! and its his real birthday today..so yeah as we got kicked out of accapulco i took all my 50 balloons and went outside to say goodbyes to da ppl who were still der and den talk some more waiting for there rides to come..and den i go off to victors house with celeste and joantahn we get there and see his brother...his brother has gotten cute!! mayn hes goin to be a heartbreaker! yeah wel we got there and mr victor is sittin in his jucussi wit his friends haha nice ..yea we chatted and stayed for like an hour and den said are goodbyes and went to jonathans house to watch some movies =] yep some movie that didnt even make sense!! haha yeah wel afetr that my mommy came pick m eup and now i think ima eat all the left overs no one ate! haha yeah aww im soo happy now...the people that i havent seen in forever..jessica tony vince nate anthony albert...aww geez made me happy and den to see everyone made me happier =] thanks you guys or evryone that was involved love ya mucho..wen i thought my birthday was going to suck this year my friends and family made it even better =P
yeah
thank yous gatto, gracie, jamie, christina, vince, familia, holly fo the gifts =] u didnt really have to get me anything!!
ill have online photos later of it..so for now hasta pasta!
xoxo at 12:49 AM
Saturday, January 03, 2004
haha told you guys it was meant to be =]
Ashton Kutcher
meant to be melissa and ashton! muahaha
What Celebirty are you going to MARRY?!(14 outcomes with pics for anyone)
brought to you by Quizilla
daily laughs...
SwT singing PnaY: like i was looking through all these things
SwT singing PnaY: and im like hmMm is that melissa?
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol
x bLaCknDstaR x: aw people thought bout me!!
x bLaCknDstaR x: awww!
SwT singing PnaY: well duuuuuuuh
x bLaCknDstaR x: =]
SwT singing PnaY: i spent like 2 hours thinking about you
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahaha dont tell eric he myte get jealous haha
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha otay geez ithink i gained like frikin 10 pounds!
x bLaCknDstaR x: fat mama here
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha
SwT singing PnaY: whatever
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol for reaLZ
SwT singing PnaY: dang i wish i could gain something
SwT singing PnaY: everything goes to my feet!
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha yer feet??
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha yeah iono
SwT singing PnaY: its the only thing thats been growing
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol thats weird yer feet all poppin out of yer shoes
SwT singing PnaY: nah uh
SwT singing PnaY: hahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol
x bLaCknDstaR x: muahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: jk jk
haha nice times
xoxo at 3:54 PM
eh ive been feeling sick all week =[....iono why...but it sucks cuz its not like any other frikin flu!! cuz its comes and goes and if im sittin still it hurts the most..argh..and its also weird cuz ive been eating alot and eating is not effecting it so urgh i hope it goes a way soon...watch wen u see me...im tellin u i gained at least 5 -10 pounds..lol
wel that was my complaint today...iono things are weird nowadays..but owell..wel i jsut got from the can place..tyte seeing bulldozers pick up pld raquety things and us throwing are cans in the cans muncher and get 20 bucks for cans..lol nice..wel im bored and i dont feel good so ima prolli go to sleep and do some more dumass homework..hey i got through chapter 1-5 for cornell notes for chemisrty haha just got like 7 chapters left! fuck thats wa i get for sayin..ill jsut do them during winter break haha bad me i know...wel i shall talk to laters
xoxo at 1:45 PM
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____________________________________________________________________
feeling- great =D
bumpin- dunno
chattin w/ - jonathan
quote-
dude guess what time i woke up..fuckin 7 o clock..i was soo mad at my mom for wakin me up..frick mayn..she turned on my bright light!! and i was sittin there hiding under my covers for like 5 mins thinking i can get a way wit it then my dad comes in telling me to get up! urgh...ok so i frikin get up change clothes refresh make-up and go sit on the couch..i was hungry and tired and my mom called me a sour puss..i was like wtf i wouldnt be one if you didnt wake me up..wel then we were off..and guess wer we are going..to the frikin salon to get a hair cute at 8 in da morning! how gay..wel i went an sat for liek 30 mins watching this lady cut this gilrs hear and omfg the girls loooked like the beast/geek thats in arehistory class the giant? OMG i couldnt even look at her..haha wel anyways..it was my turn and i sat there and i told her i didnt care wa she did with my hair..cuz i really dont..so she took off 1 1/2 inches haha and den layered it or its in the beginin stages at least..wel yeah my hair ish shorter then the last itme u guys saw me so tytes..anyways she cutted it and watever and den sehs like ill straighten it for you..so she dried it and striaghtened it and that took forever cuz i got so much hair in her wrods "you have enough hair for 7 people" haha watever...wel then we were done and i told my mom iwas hungry and seh was like wel ill make u something when i get home..and im like wait u wake me up and dont feed me decent food!!! lol yeah..wel got home ate some french toast did my justice essay and im on the verge of doing some more homework..geez only what one more night to party and one more day to be lazy then its school! DAYMN then FINALS..fuck haha wel my plan for the day..
homework..sleep...go out with the dicks...so laters
xoxo at 11:57 AM
Friday, January 02, 2004
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just to get by just to get by..
feeling- yum yum..haha im in an okay mood
bumpin-
chatting- Jimmy, Jonathan, Kelsey, Alyssa, Holly
Quote-
This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my high's, and my low's
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop smoking, and stop drinking
And I've been thinking - I've got my reasons
Just to get by, just to get by
Just to get by, just to get by
-Talib Kweli.....haha my ass =]
frick i realized i aint that innocent anymore o wels..wel just got home..yeah..went to montclair plaza...wa a waste lol...wel jose came to pick us up...and then we went to his casa..yep yep...sat there..watched soem ed edd nd eddy haha jumped on the bed laughed are asses off did some comedy central..ate some grub..and yeah =] been a good girl..lol my ass..wel got home and now im talkin and i cant think and my jacket smells like w/e cuz wats his face was sittin next to me lol and yep yep...then my phone rang,,my best friend jonathan talked and den now im online like usual..and now im out..
dude 5 more days whoot whoot =]
xoxo at 11:57 PM
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eh tired haha
[bumpin]
veronica celeste jose holly
daym i did this on amanda thing and i thought it was funny..
haha anyways today was pretty kick back i woke up at like 1:30? talked to my best friend jonathan on the phone for most of the day haha and then figured out i got 4 weeks to live ...haha nice..o well..kill me in 4 weeks if everything goes bad? iight..then i kinda cleaned my room ..kinda..watched some tv ate dinner and im here..talk to whoever trying to make plans fo tonight knowin us me and cel will find r selves at joses house again haha yeah wel i need a shower (ryte jonna) yeah so ima prolli take a shower get ready and im out fo the night..yay its raining..=D got to love the rain..wel i shall speak wit u latas...
xoxo at 5:30 PM
Thursday, January 01, 2004
[feelin] iight [bumpin:] BEP-Hey Mama jsut fo celeste[chatting with]celeste katy holly danielle [wishin:] questions answered and situations disappeared
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x]Good Bye 2003 Hello 2004[x
"Year in Review Survey 2003
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done?
heh..iv'e dont alot but those experiances yet helped me grow as a person..i lost another best friend and yet i made new ones..i gained confidence in myself and i made life chocies without the peer pressure shit even though i did/am doin stuff i have nothing to regret
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you more for this year?
honestly i dont even remember what my resolutions were last year..and i dont plan on having any this either..if something pops up then ill make it a personal goal =D
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?yes!! aww Stacy!! yeah to babee Jake, August 21,2003
4. Did anyone close to you die?
yeah..my grandma died during the spring
one of my good friends, Tommy died in a car accident =[ June 8, 2003
5. What countries did you visit?
haha alot!! Jamica, Bahamas, Grand Cayman, Costa Maya, and all these other little Carribean islands..
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
frick..alot..friends w/o the drama..
a steady novio
raising those grades
7. What date(s) from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
January 10 (wen we celebrated me birthday and lost a friend and a crush on the same day)
February 26 (hangin out wit Jessica and Santos for jess's birthday)
June 4th (ryans car crash)
July 18-23 (hawaii)
August 21(jakee was born)
September 28
November 9
December 27
December 31 (new years eve..good memories)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
SELF CONFIDENCE...being able to do things on my own
9. What was you biggest failure?
some friendships and loves
10. Did you suffer illness or injury
sprang my wrist in powderpuff
cutting my lip in cheer!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
food!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Stacy and Ryan...i've never seen an ex couple come together when in the time of need..i sware you guys deserve alot..and im sure one day u guys and baby jakee will all be one big familia
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
celeste- iono some things that occured i felt like i lost myself as well
lupe- losing another best friend =[ due to school changing
14. Where did most of your money go?
movies and food lol
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
geez..everything haha
16. What song wil always remind you of 2003?
uhm..SHUT UP -black eyed peas haha only cuz of celeste!
17. Compared to this time of year are you:
Wiser? heck yeah
Healthier? eh
Richer? No ive become poorer since all my money is with the movies and fast food!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
school work-spent more time wit the people i cared most about
19. What do you you'd done less of?
wasting my time on things that will never happen
20. How did you spend you christmas?
with my family
21. Did you fall in love in 2003?
i guess you could say that ..more of 2002 through 2003 i spent most of my time on someone..and then the later months i spent it on someone else --more of liking alot
22. How many one night stands?
haha ...none of your biz
24. What was your favorite TV program?
OC, punkd, real world, road rules, Degrassi all of those
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didnt hate this time last year?
i dont hate anyone as of ryte now
26 What did you want and get?
my permit..got
best friends..got 4
meself..got
answers..got most of that
27. What did you want and not get?
love
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
i liked alot..Finding Nemo..Just Married...and much more
29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
haha its my style ..=]
30. What kept you sane?
reality
31. What did you miss?
alot of things..lost friends..lost crushes...
32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003?
jsut be yourself!! do what you want to do and learn from your own mistakes leave a trial of your own and let people help when you need it..
33. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
(stolen from tiffany)
Jealousy, we got to swallow it
Your heart and mind baby follow it
Smile, happiness you could model it
--common
okay yea..lates happy motha frikin new year
xoxo at 11:29 PM
________________________________________________________________
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x]mood[x iight stil got a headache
x]bumpin[x: beyonce- me myself and I
x]chattin w/[: Celeste Jose trisa
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________________________________________________________________
okay so its 6:21 and mr jose comes out of no where and says...
Jose: Ur a dick!
Me: haha ure a bitch
haha dont u just love that saying...daymn iight wel ryte now im debating wit jose on why we didnt get wa we supposely wanted last night haha and den im trying to convince celeste to go fufill his dreams but den again goin hes SLACKIN cuz hes got nothign to drinK nor to eat!!!!!! yeah later like manana...anyways ive been doing nothing all day!!...i slept did some homework and slept and talked on the phone with jonathan and now im bored..hym i wanna do something tonight but everythign frikin closed wel neways..i shall write back later...
fuck mayn celeste ure a dick HAHAHAHAHAHA CELesTE cant hide wanna come out and play???
xoxo at 6:26 PM
__________________________________________________________________
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x]mood[x: Ive Been Way Better!
x]bumpin[x:
x]chattin w/[x: estabon y Katy
x]quote[x:
x]countdown[x: 6 mo days
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__________________________________________________________________
okay wel lets start it off with...happy new year...i kinda knew this was all going to happen..the day before new year i would say i accomplished everything and have the best of mood and 2004 goin to be the best...well correction: so far it aint...
i aint going to brag on about yesterday night..cuz too much happened..you just had to been there i guess...but i can say a couple comments to peeps haha
=katy=haha its okay..you were just whoozed...lol nothing wrong with that! DEAN!
=Friederike= all i can say is..i take u to a party and now look what happens! haha jk i love you and dont worry its not to late =d
=Jonathan= sorry bout the family problems ryte now..i love ya and you shouldnt worry either
=celeste= fuck mayn im done time to find someone lol see if u were dead wa u would of left me with daymn
=all the others= haha ure a bitch =D bunch of loves-
yeah wel nothing was wat i expected i kinda wanted to go beyond my limits but then something changed it at the party..that one comment got to people..and urgh watever...but yeah..i enjoyed meself =] and hell not like this is the last party ill be goin to whoot whoot..
yeah wel i didnt go tot bed till liek 230-3 this morning..yeah chad brought us Jack in the box,,whoot whoot and i helped freddie..haha yeah and den kind awnet to bed woke up and fred took me home..yeah i should have some pixs online soon..yep
okay today..fuck celeste and i are goin out and never coming back lol...not until we find people ..yeah..cuz u know got to start the new year fresh and by the way thigns were looking yesterday eh ill prolli be wasting my time fo awhile so watever..im up for it..
dang mayn there like only 4 frikin days left till were in school..i wanna go back to see people but that means i have to go to bed and i cant go out during week days and u cant party till friday/saturday..dang goin to be a tough transition but owel..got to do wa u got to do ..
yeah wel fuck it all..
-liss-
xoxo at 1:07 PM
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
HAPPY MOTHA FUCKIN NEW YEAR!!!!! lOL
PLeaSE BE SAFE...DOnT DrINK...No DrinKINg no NEed Fo COnDoMS!- haha
_______________________________________________________
Some Funny ConvoS of the DAy:
Chica Nica06: no one will! they'll be too hamstered to notice!
x bLaCknDstaR x: HAHAHA
Chica Nica06: damn alcoholics
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol HAHA
Chica Nica06: don't worry, i'll send you flowers while you're in Betty Ford
________________________________________________________________-
DaLiteofMyLife: alrite
DaLiteofMyLife: i'm spendin the night
DaLiteofMyLife: i call the couch
x bLaCknDstaR x: i get the Center pIEces hahahaha
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahahahha
DaLiteofMyLife: hahaha _______________________________________________________________
later:
Chica Nica06: we're getting a tan this summer
x bLaCknDstaR x: hahaha DUH
x bLaCknDstaR x: no matter wat i get a tan
Chica Nica06: cause none of us are taking SS
x bLaCknDstaR x: take me outside for like 3 mins
Chica Nica06: haha yea i know
Chica Nica06: your black ass
x bLaCknDstaR x: i get a tan
x bLaCknDstaR x: lol
Chica Nica06: i'm all F*ing white
x bLaCknDstaR x: haha DUH!
Chica Nica06: that's our goal this summer
Chica Nica06: to get me tan
Chica Nica06: and for you not to peel
Chica Nica06: muahaha
_______________________________________________________________
yeah wel tonight last night of 2003..and i shall be spendin g it wil liek 50 other people at JoSEs CAsA!! lol so ill SeE u dER iF noT HAppy NEW year stay saFe i LOve YA!
xoxo at 5:19 PM
-this meja-
feeling- ah my mouth hurts but im sure splendID!
bumpin- Finch- What it is to burn
chatting- trisa-daniel-Stacy
quotes-Love as if you could never get hurt
===========================================================
ah okay today: woke up at 7 in da morning haha took a shower and off to the orthodontisT! whoot..they fixed my bracket (for free thank goodness!) and they took off one of my coials!! YAY sooo now i dont have sprING on my Tops!! lol and they took off my wire so i can bruSh lol nice so now my mouth looks way better and clean!! yep yep and then i get my bottom coail off next month geez almost done with these ugly braces but they tightened them so my mouth hurts and i cant eat!
ok wel after that i went to the DMV....and WHOOT WHOOT GOT MY MOTHA FUCKIN PERMIT hahahha finally..took long enough lol but yay in the sumMER i can DrIVe..FREEDOM!! lol yes yes
wel drama hell with certain people--FRIENDS DONT PUT FRIEND IN PAIN hahaha u noe get your act straight cuz all u want is attenion? iono but for real...im tired of goin through yer little acts i really am..and if u think your gettin my support this time around YOU AINT so go ahead and kill yourself cuz u seem not to care about me anyways and since i put YOU through SOOO much pain then sorry u can leave and i wont have to go thorugh wit it!
otherWiSe fuck mayn WINTER breAK has Been AweSOme..hahaha...=] ive made liFe experiances anD i can already tell 2004 goin to be great..wel it better be geez! haha ok wel 7 days till my sweet 16 xD cant wait..and i cant wait to get to school..only to see poeple not to actually do the school work...otherwise forget it..but yea..
lets see update-
monday- trisa holly celeste and i went to the DR soccer game haha being weird as awlays takin pictures haha JOSE LUIS fo ms taro! lol and pictures of weird things..came hoem and dealt with someones excuses to quit life...and den yesterday was my brothers birthday...stayed home chilled and then went to driving school..omg one name.. BOBBY! haha yeah anyways...stayed in that room for 2 hours learning how to park lol...w/e and den uhm went to jamies house!! aww i saw jamie yay! i miss seeing people!!! yeah and den came home and did the usual..yeah and then got a long distnace phone call lol talked to nick for like 2 hours..(no i aint payin fo it so shush) and den..went to bed...
wel im out-
xoxo at 11:02 AM
Monday, December 29, 2003
-samona-
feelin- iight
bumpin-nada
chatting-Holly
quote- MEMORIES ARE FOREVER
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay wwel yesterday it started off like this....
pain! haha yeah alotta pain last time i felt that much pain was in l ike the summer..so i wenton with the day acting like nothing hapen so my parentals dont find out nethign since my gayass brother RATTEd me out...urgh okay..so i ate and then got yelled at! again! and den went to go watch TV and den decided to come online to see what was up with the day..bad idea..i sware i hate it wen everyone fights and all of them are thinkin bout them daymn selves and fightin with one another wen bascially its not worth it cuz in the end its all for one person! so i left the drama behind and didnt care wa the final decision was...wel i got dress and did my hair..im becomin non lazy and actually blow drying straightin and curling!! haha wow! never thought i would actually get to all 3 in one day..wel neways..and off i go to go pick up trisa amanada celeste and veronica den wer off to kidnap holly! holy moly plans changed and we went to her house instead and like we decided to go through her backyard OMG i thought her dog was goin to do a sneak attack or soemthing but turn out he wasnt there adn celeste is liek seh always leaves her bak door unlock! UHM NO!!! haha so wer tappin on the window so he daddy would let us in haha and den we run in the living room and Attack yep we stole holly and den we took her in my car and made fun of her and took pictures! (yep wit mi camera which was being an ass!! wel ill have pix up n runnin soon) and den we took her to the tree wit the big bow haha in the spectrum and ate and sang and lit forks on fire =] ya and then holly was wearing a sign that said kiss me its my sweet 16..holy shit..this one guy named EERNIE! haha came adn we were talkin to him and he left and 10 mins later he coems back adn he like soo close to hollys face and liek i saw yer sign can i kiss u and omg he did hahahahaha i was on the floor laughing my as off cuz the way eh did that was soo funny like he came out of no where..! yeah and then i saw mia and talked to her for awhile haha yeah i was hapyp cuz i havent seen ehr in forever!!! ok and den jonathan came and we went to the movies..nice and swa chaeper by the dozen! i was surprised it was actually an iight movie...kinda funny...yep plus ashton..duh..okay and den we walked to carls and den ate and laughed and went home..yep yep yep
okay so its been wat 10 days since i havent seen people..except the usual lol...yeah i came to realize by the 3rd day that im just goin to have to wing it and now it feels like i had soo much thinkin to do and sleepin to accomplish that watever i was eager for in the beginin is now gone..nice..!i sware i feel like a different person..i got no clue now..after everything thats happen since the the weekend b4 school started i ahve no regrets!! everything thats happened happened for a reason if it was two heartbreak in less then 2 months apart..even if it was hooken up wit ppl witout finding out there last names..or having your dreams come true..i had a great year..its the things that bring it down that make it so awesome the friends that are on your side to bring u up wen u are down..even though there wer times were i sheded blood those scars healed and those pains that i sheded blood for are now gone..i just hope 04 is betTer in many things but yeah..winter break all n all was exacley wa i needed..sleep..thinkin..and times to chill with the friends..the past couple days watever are friends weakness was seems to all coem together now..wel i think maybe with not some peopel but yeah..its all good..and w/e i was hopin to happen is in my past..and now my resolutions are coming and im starting off the new year fresh...i guess 2003- was a pretty fuckin awesome year...i mean look at the past...
-spendin time at the mall with the amigos fo me birthday (even though some outcomes were great i still had a great time)
-losing a best friend for like 3 weeks..
-celeste super bowl party (playin football in the park haha priceless)
-gainin a new best friend =P
-meeting 3 new best friends!- (bunnie kRew fo LiZliFe)
-vaLentinEs RalLy- ( aww i still remember my GraM and hOW mi amiGa sung it To meeh =D)
-goin with santos to surprise jessica for her birthday!! yeah watching movies and goin to dinner--with a best friend u no longer see--aww
-PowderPuFf- haha the most fun u could have in a lifetime-- BaMBi!! friCK SeniOr football coachES =]- spranINg my wrist haha- spending last moments wit friends!!
-frick doin a cheer at cold stones to get a free ice cream!!!!
-SeniOR sunset!- aww riding wit tabita to go get BBq spray but instead we got MIcrowave spray haha-trying to be a senior ;] lol
-SenIor Dance- haha ChaD!! lol speanding time..playing tag throughout the schoOL!
-graduation- saying good bye to everyone =[
-HUNINGTON BEACH TRIP!- holy shit wen do u get to have 4 girls alll in a room together by ourselves haha thas was tyte...jumpin on bed breakin the bed haha making popcorn with the stove..buRnt it..haha OMG THE CRABS WE COLELCTED HAHAH WHERE DID THEY GO?? o geez!- uhm gettin kicked out of the pool...
-goin to the beach-CELESTE gettin hit on by a very older male lol-goin to eat and seeing ELMO!! haha
-goin to THe beach wit HolLY!--dude WatER babys rye here!!-haha diving fo the waves..thE inciDent with yer mom meeting a wave-priceless- playing volleyball! haha the guys in the truck!!! lol
--sUmmer SHcool- HAHA NOT! actualyl was an aide for one week-but ti was all good!! met alot new people! and got to see alot peopel!! at lunch we COoked i was thE coOK! haha and i set myself on fire!!! lol priceless!
-seeing every fuckin movies out in teather during the summer
-4th OF jULY!- ok goin to temicula to see allen =] and den coming home to go the park with friends-geez watched fireworks got ice cream!! lol
-FUCKIN HAWAII-hoyl shit--the best time in my whole life- meeting like frikin 500 new people-spending yer day t the beach-gettin closer with allen--throwing laundry soap in the pool! (OOPS LOL) HOENI HOENI LINE!!!! lUAus..HaWAii fuckin break dancers!!! haha ALLEN!! haha the shOps- the late night sneaking out-the CluBs--the animals-the Weather-the scenary-the guys- aww now i want to go back!!
--my dad quiting the OC team-after having paradise ure leaving it
-GeTTin JV cAPTian--DRamA cAme anD wenT haha BUt its All GraVy now!
-CHEEr CAMp- okay wen si it that u can hang out with BOY cHEErleADers haha and sscream your head off in the hoTel roOMs plAy taqG-LISTEN TO DRAMA WATCHING CHEW EACH OTEHRS HEADS OFF HAHA COUGH COUGH FRESHMEN SQUAD LOL- how many times can u eat in the cafeteria and jump on yer seat cuz we saw a Rat run across the floor hahaha or wen u can make fun of a girl that looks like a horse! or..eat ice cream foR breakfast..cheer camp this year was awesome and too bad we didnt win the fuckin banana..ok and another thing...lol just cuz we were captians we had to learn a fuckin dance!! hahaha but hey Sam and i got inVited to go to NEw YORk! so it was ALl graVy!
-joinin memebers into ASB-haha SAMANTHA!! all these new freshmen lol
-ReGRistraTIon-- WHOOT WHOOT-saw all the cute new freshmen--den wen saw alL the sOPhies! haha then the Cute JunIOrs theN the HOt SeNiors all in 3 dayS of time! haha nice..
-goin to coldstones and tellin the ladies were professional lifeguards and wer in are swim suit and sweats haha nice
-goin to get yearbook ads!! hahaha soo fun....trisa me and dallas goin around askin people for ads haha nice so many bitchy people!!
-first day of school- eH..lol met new peopLE =]
-Mia takin me out haha--goin to around looking for a homecoming dress and her bitchin hahaha priceless then getin some el gran food YUM and den goin to ehr casa nice-yelp the goin bak to school to see matt-haha and actually hide from him lol nice-and then we went to go attack matts car!! lol -
-FOotbalL GameS- okay MAKEOVERS!! nice Frig- are first performance- HAHAHA OK NO!
going to away games with fRiends =] ALEX!!!!
-Meeting nEw poepel to take us oUT and party =]
-FialING classES!! lol
-likINg a guy for wa..1 year and 2 days and Den drop it! lol nice move
-hoMEcOMing- ok prepAriNG-GOIN TO THE SECRET DOOR IN THE ATTIC!! haha omg krystal!! lol and den eating all the teachers brownies haha and den colelct boxes to paint!! o geez--all those lONG weekeNds wer worth it haha-DecoratIng mOPing the flloRs with everyones hair all in curlers lol-goIng to get MY DATE_CELESTE HOOKS_(2 years in a row lol) a coursage haha and then picking her up to do her hair-haha- and den goin out to take pictures! whoot whoot!! den time to dance...geez-homecoming rally-okay nominated fo princess-surprised- performing and then havin less the 1 minute to change out of costume to my dress- haha nice=great memories--den losign rocs keys on the most important day!!! lol-yeah Performing at the Game haha mia ended up takin em out whoot whoot= met the ugly football palyers on the other team lol-
-meeting new peoplE =D
-hAllowEen- wHOa-craZy night goin oUT with the new amigos gaininG mo nonSEnse acts haha
-OK CAR WASHING!!!!! holy saNypSE!haha gettin caught!! was the msot scariest thing in my life..ok a black mayn runnin to yer car as trisa crys trying to clsoe the door from anotehr black mayn and me not lettin holly in so that the black mayn doesnt get me haha havin the black mayne yell at us OLORD- haha seeing the skunk and havin chad follow it!!!!!! having celeste trip..on a sidewalk!-WATCHING ROMEO AND JULIET ON SOMEONES ROOF!! haha-STEPPIN ON THE ALLIGATOR!-RICE KRISTPIES-MAIL BOXES!!-geez all those memories will never be dupLICATed-
-SNAPPLE-okay DONT REARRANGE Y SNAPPLE hahah fuckin 711!! lol nice...
-RidinG with EDmunD and brian in Cow COUntry haha hoLly FLIP tHE BITCH!!!!
-KIDNAppin TriSa for her birthday haha chasing her around dennys!! walkin to hollys house haha
-GOIN TO DENNYS AFTER EVERY FICKING FOOTBALL GAMES hahaha meetin DEAN! meating the BOYS at the booth next to us haha i will still be killin u guys haha-
having a sunday that wasnt asundaY!!
-STUPID SANCHEZ fallin on me from a stunt=and busting my inner and outter lip!!! OMG never saw that much blood in my life--got up bleeding liek hell all over the grass runin towarsd the portable leaving a trial to the bathroom adn den renee and hedi layig me down with lace sheet trying to make me laugh wen it hurts like hell haha good times-
-Ryans car crash----ok another scariest thing in the world--
-my gRAndma passing away--
-losing another best friend- LOOps--frick LUMAlISSANESE forever BFF-
-THE CARNIVAL- OK BRANDAN KRAMER RODRIGUEZ-ok fuck he cant be gay with those looks haha holy shit got his DIGITS lol CEleste meeting those 4 UGLY GUYS!! hahaha holyl tellin 2 guys i liekd them haha ended up tracking them down gave them the digits after them uhm flAShing to get my attention haha- that was a tyte night!!
0FERRIS WHEEL RIDE BUNNIE CREW 4 LIZLIFE!-and yelliN BRANDAN WILL YOU GO TO HOMECOMING WIT MELISSA hahahahah like he could hear!-
-GraZianO triPS haha
-reNTing moVies BAKiNG paSTa and POPOs with celESTe haha
-DeAling with frienDs ways oF life-
-sitting wit holly and AG in the middle of a soccer field- watchin trisa and celeset try otu for soccer haha then doin Flips in the grass teachign AG haha
-MeetinG the 4 HoES =]
- ORdering piZZa at schoolto be delivered haha only cheerleaders would do that !
-JV Sleepovers-HYPNOTIC SIX!!haha ALCHeys--ok so uhM..Stunts at MAlls..GoSsip...runnign down the hills haha all good all good
-GoIN TO THe SAVe FErRIS conCeRt wit Holly an her paPA haha and MORe to COme!
-Holly and I SneakING out of stoKLee haha lets be a low animal..run run run run..haha wtf she can catch us shes too fat hahahhaha nice
-me and mya ditching 5th hahah nice..
-okay soCCer gAmeS- kIDnapping ceLEste and her mom tellin ehr were we are taking her lol-
-On COmes a HEartBreaK
-KidnappING HOllY- haha CRAZY!!
-SPRING BREAK- OK FUCKING CARRIBEAN CRUISE!! HOLLY SHIT-GOIN to FLOrIDA thEN gettin on a boat for fRIkin 7 dayS goin to pARadise fuCking aweSome-cant waIT till PAnaMAl canAL!
- wiNTer BrEAk-haha bitching more memories still comING!-
ok thats jsut a gsit? can u tell im bored haha wel its like monday the frirst day in winter break were no one is home FINALLY!!! lol ok wel ill blog later bout that day i think im goin to DR soCcer game wit holly celeste and trisa and den party ON from there!
xoxo at 12:19 PM
Sunday, December 28, 2003
-whew-
feelin- SICK
bumpin- mxpx-everything sucks
chattin- holly y celeste
quote- look i can swim-(dives into floor)
______________________________________________________________
First thigns first--- HAPPY SWEET 16 HOLLY! muahs i LoVes yaS!
ok last night...
went to tillys..got my jacket =]..went home..chatted..went to joses casa..chIlled banGed LaUGhed..gOOD timEs...then uhm got home at 12 ish..got yelled at!! Whoo hoo! ok den could sleep cuz my stomach hurted sooo much!! so stayed up and den uhm my frikin stomach still hurts!! wel yeah i had a good tiem though...weird how things turn out ot be..=P
wel dont want to tell bout nething else...lata
xoxo at 3:19 PM
Friday, December 26, 2003
feelin-in a frikin good mood
bumpin- liz phair: Why Cant I?
Chattin- ryan
Quote- fuck mayn its waterproof!
_____________________________________________________________
iight today was one of those fuckin whoa days..
ok so started out at 6! wen my fuckin alram went off..someone frikin setted it! watever i woke up at 7 cuz celeste was takin me to Los Angeles! haha yea we went fuckin to the fashion district walked the streets for like 4 hours and den frikin didnt buy shit! i liked some crap but i wasnt really payin attention and they didnt hav my size =/ wel we left and went to West Covina mall till like 5 pm fuck and they didnt have shit either! haha whatever there were some cute chicos though..and celeste that frikin guy was not hittin on me so shut..yeah den got home stayed for an hour and frikin left to go to soccer game wit celeste and trisa and den say are asses off tehre in the cold..wel we got to see JoSE luIS! haha y eah trisa i agree with u now..i see it i see it lol and den watched them frkin kick a ball bak n forth..wel den uhm jose (not jose luis) dropepd trisa off then we went to his casa..mayn its so funny wen all them get together...its fuckin waterproof!! ...your a dick...fuck haha nice..iono sarah got me thinkin in some shit..and i dont think ill be keepin my word wit half the shit ive said..haha ya comin out tellin u things change and so do people =P wel yea..cant wait till new years..neways wel i got the sign from jose that we needed to go haha so we left..and now im here at 11:06...oh yesh...yeah wel im out fo the night..fuck call me if u wanna chill manana..lates
-xoxo-
melissa
xoxo at 11:07 PM
Thursday, December 25, 2003
Feeling- mixed emotions
bumpin- Liz Phair: Why Cant I?
Chatting- Celeste and Nick
Eating- HuGS!!
Wishing- NOt to reflect On the Past aND Remebering every littLe thing...
Quote- "I say the easiest thing in the world is to love you. And the hardest thing in the world Is to lose you. "
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
iight first thing frist..FRIENDS TELL FRIENDS THINGS!!..iight dont act like we dont give a shit bout you wen we do and dont act like nothing hurting u either!! and another thing..dont treat me like im 7! i knoe wa im doing iight dont give me a lecture on shit that u aint doin yer own fucking self!! and to another..FINALLY i realized im just someone that can bring u mo ppl and den later i get all tha blame for it or not even there in reality..w/e fuck it..
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
getting it out..im finally facing the facts..i knew it was goin to come down to this but whatever..all i can say is u can blame it on me staying home and being bored..im facing the facts that im not going to be spending my after hours with you anymore im not going to stop what im doing to talk to you im not going to long for those conversations and the words that make my day rise whens it bad..urgh its hard to go through a day that crossing something that reminds me of the past and it drives me insane and it makes me go into deepr thoughts and i get lost and confused but i guess now its back to where i was..lonley and lost..just living to live and thats it..not much hapiness anymore but whatever one of these days it'll come back..who knows when, but im facing the facts just going to have to go on and pretend like nothings hurting me any more..even though its hard to speak believe think and dream when everything was given up just like that..
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I sit here wondering
If we will ever be
I sit here wondering
If youll ever see
I sit here wondering
If youll ever know,Just how much you mean
And just how much you grow
Grow closer to my heart
Each and everyday
Grow closer to my heart
With every word you say
So as I sit here and wonder
Im thinking of you
Hoping and dreaming
Your wondering to
________________________________________________________________
Lyrics:
Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be
Holding hands with you, and we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too
The problem is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful
Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
For this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
whenever i think about you (x4)
________________________________________________________________
When Im alone, and no one can see
Tears form behind my eyes
Every time you glance at me
A part inside of me dies
Knowing it can never happen
Knowing it can't be true
Shatters my heart and my world
All I want is to be with you
If I could just hold you
Just to know you're there
I would treasure that moment forever
Just to prove how much I care
But Im left with only a dream
Left to wander Ive played my part
I am all alone once again
With empty arms and a broken heart
________________________________________________________________
ill b fine thats what i said but come on do you think i lived up to what i said? its 2 am lying in bed wakin up with black eyeliner on my bed spread ..the liner spreads with tears ive cried knowin that ive tried .theres no more to do the damaged is done and i still dont want to move on, its different this time around something that started of well how can end up with a frown? after all those times ive been hurt i dont want to once again fall in the dirt you think id learn by noe not to fall so hard for osmeone but this one was different and seem to brightin me up in all the ryte places ..i look back to the things that went wrong and then they all seem to reflect in a song memories of us are going through my mind i cant seem to make them unwind..i kinda feel like i wasted my time and that i prolli meant nothing at all..i spilt my heart to you and after it all it seems like my heart still clingin to you..even though its prolli shattered i dont really want it back...
xoxo at 10:02 PM
--l l--MERRY CHRISTMAS--l l--
feelin-hah jolly..
bumpin-
chattin wit- jonathan arash daniel angela stacy
Eating- xMas ROlLS!
WiShINg- i want a horse haha
qUOte:
StRik3 AnyWhErE2: have a happy boxing day
========================================================
merry xmas..haha okay today was like any other day except i opened gifts and then played with them haha of course..yeah then we all sat around the new TV and watched ..Seabisquit..haha makes me want a horse..=] yeah i hate movies with animal Cruelity! yeah o well..den after that was over my dad decided to call Lousiana to all my realitives down there olord!! try talkin LOng Distnace to someone who is like 95 years old!! ok that took an hour...yeah owell i hope we go down there thOUgh get some familia rooTs..yea ok we were suppose to go to long beach...but no body wanted to see familia so my dad was blah didnt get gumbo! tears! but ill prolli get some laters this week..yay..and then uhm ryan stoppin by later today yay..and den ill prolli watch another family movies and den talk online..o joy..wel yeah
ah i wanna go to school to see people not for hw and finals and shit but yeah home equal boring ...yeah wel i can go out now? i think? wel yeah who noes..but neways
im out so ill ttyl
xoxo at 5:20 PM
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
--l l--Merry Xmas Eve--l l--
feeling- a si a si
bumpin- Mariah Carey- All I Want For Xmas
Chatting to- Celeste and Ryan
Eating- Cookies!
Wishing- For the week to end =/
Quote- FuCk tHe SeASons haha
l l ------------------------------------------------------------------------l l
today was so so..im not in the xmas spirit at all...iono why..seems pointless in some perspectives..yea..my dad put all the gifts under the tree...haha like we dont noe wa there are already..my parents hide the gift horIbblE! haha yeah found all long time ago..wel yea tomarrow should be interestin i guess! yeah wel uhm..think im staying home! all the plans got cancelled as of ryte now..my dad doesnt want to see the family..so ill bascially be doin wa i do everyday...exceot open gifts and den play wit gifts and den..go online!! haha nice..w/e no spirit in xmas in this familia!! yeah wel i went to the dentist and omg....4 SEALENTS!! i need 4 SEALENTS!!! i was like wtf..hes goes through my teeth and he goes wel melissa and im like ok i noe i didnt feel him pluckin at teeth means no cavity and hes like ima put sealents on yer teeth and den..hes goes in my mouth and frikin scrapes the gap between my 2 teeth [the tooth thats being rotated that the braces did ot my mouth!] yeah and den hes like wa do u do that make indents in yer mouth and im like for one thing..half the cheerleders fall on me and cut open this inside of my mouth or they get in the way when there not suppose to be there (cough cough bert!) yeah and my bracket and den the lady she looke dlike AuNT jAmimiYAH! haha nice she was drillin my teEth ok w/e haha next apPoinMEnt in 6 months..great but i got ORTHo nExt week..SUcKS got to see JeSus..lol anyways..dont wanna talk about the next thing movin on i went to costco wit my mom and these guys were pickin out roses for there girlfriends and wer askin me if she would like flowers or roses and im like why dont u buy one thats combined with both and he was like fuck why didnt ithink of that haha yeah..and then we went to the cake section and omg more news on my birthday trauma..so ill be spending my birtheday with ..my brother!!! turns out my mom not going to be home she rather do her wed. ritual and my dad goin fishing for a month..so my sweet 16..wil be at SwEET HoMe...fuck WatEver..i came to the point theres no point in anytHIng..seriously..doNE and OVer with...not cuz jsut that but with other shit as well...iono i came home and slept for a whole 4 hours..actually hiding but i slept..yeah den i interacted wit my doG! yeah feel bad i only pay attention to it during long days!! haha sad..o wel i love dem =P anyways..its like 1012..CHRiSTmas Eve..and no one is online rarly..and uhm i cant wait to see nick tomarrOW-smiles? yeah kinda..i also wanted to spend xmas wit others but o WeL! i shall see them all Jan 5! haha wel ima go ..
xoxo
xoxo at 10:13 PM
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
l l l and the truth comes out l l l
feeling- happy
bumpin-
chattin to- celeste holly melinda
eating-uh oh oreos =]
wanting- rain!!
Quote-
=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
okay mind me as i scream........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....my smile is big ryte now why u asK??cuz on xmas nick is comin to see me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay omg..i havent seen him for 6 months!! i sware ...wel even though i see him for an hour..its all good! cuz a xmas gift like that is amazing..ok yeah...=]
anyways today was pretty nice..i woke up fell bak asleep woke up fell back asleep woke up and made breakfast! or brunch haha i actually cooked!! yeah some FreNCh toAsT! lol yum...den i took a shower..den i listen to musica den..as my dad left and my bro was no where to be found ryan came down for a lil bit and brought me some food Whoot whoot and told me the news whoot whoot yeah..ok den i chilled and watched..
-Sweet Home Alabama (aww i can watch it a billion times and still like it!)
-Stealing Harvard
-Orange County
-JEepers CreePers
-and Some TRL! lol
yeah then pretty kick back the rest of the time..
not much to write bout ..got alot of personal information out today yep....cant wait till New yeARs whOot whoOt!=] and xmas is what like in 26 hours!! haha nice!! not really feelin it though..who noes? wel tommarow im going oto the dentist yikes and da dmv..yikes..havent even studied..lol o wel..wel thrs is goin to go hella wel..hopefully mayn!...going to wake up like 9ish open gifts..play wit gifts (haha i noe like a kid) den shower den go to long beach haha eat dinner at like 3!!! lol den get home..sneak out the door hop in ryans car see nick eat some more..make an exit come home acting like i never left haha nice! yeaden wake up next morning early to go to LA wit Celeste haha NICE vacation finalyl going to start! whoot wel im out.. o yeah the most best thing i did all day was PUNK celeste!
eliesesay: im joking celeste lol youve been punkd
DaLiteofMyLife: you aer such a punk i swera you made me cry bitch!
eliesesay: hahahahahaha sure i did
DaLiteofMyLife: i swear!!!!
DaLiteofMyLife: i seioulsy dont know what i'd do with out you!
eliesesay: aw tears
DaLiteofMyLife: i seriously wouldnt be around
DaLiteofMyLife: you nearly gave me a heartache bitch!
xoxo at 10:49 PM
Monday, December 22, 2003
Why Cant I Breather Whenever I Think About You?
feeling- better then what i was before
bumpin-
chatting to- holly veronica emily dane
wanting- some ice cream!!
wishing-things will change
Quote-wish the sun would hide his head so i could watch you dream some more
ll----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ll
I cRy F0r ThE LovE i'M N0t RecEivINg,
I cRy For ThE LoSt YeaRs Of
WiShinG aNd DreAMinG,
I cRy FoR tHe hAtE ThaT BuRNS mA hEArt,
I cRy FoR tHe YeaRs We SpENt ApaRT,
I CrY FoR The FeeLingS ThAt U
SwePt UNdeR thE RUg,
BuT I CrY ThE mOSt bCuz
aLL I wANtEd waS u anD ONe Of ThOse huGs
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yeah..maybe im suppose to feel this way...iono i have had alot time to think..whats else do u expect 3 hours ago was the first time ive been outside since friday!! i know..ive been stuck in the house doing..nothing..but watching televison and doing chores!! yeah wel okay today i woke up and it wasnt pleasant! Why cuz i heard my dad talkin on the phone which means...HES HOME!! i was like o shit i wanted to have the day w/o family..isnt that the whole point of winter break being home w/o gettin yelled at! okay..wel turns out my dad has the whole week off..o joy and the means out of my 16 days of break i only get 2 of them being alone completly! grr.. so i get up make eggos and go watch some TV..watever then my dad tells me to do my chores..ok so did them..then watched tv..then my dad says to feed the tree..ok so did that then watched tv..den my dad tells me to do something..ok did something den i had to go to my room why cuz my dad took over the tv..lol..yeah wel my mom saved me and omg where did i go? the fuckin libary..wth! lol ok so we went there for i have no clue..den left and den went xmas shopin for my dad..yeah came home and my brother is so frikin weird..he got mad at my mom so he deicded to run away..so wat does he fuckin do?? he dresses like FRODO! it was soooo hillarious he had the ring and everything wel he left and like my mom found him sleepin outside on the sidewalk..so hillarious..and den i hear him come in all mad cuz she woke him up lol...ok now i am not realated to him...never was..yeah anyways...thats about it for my day....
so i got myself into writing and reading poems..yikes not to good... i guess today was one of those days where i can say..fuck its yer fault not myne im glad u realized type of days? yeah very interesting! wel watever i was talking to ryan on the phone hes makes alot of sense since babbee jake came into this world..he was talking to me about how like too much of something will lead u to very little..and to like hold on to things and not regret anything and to give people chances cuz u only live once...iono helped i guess?? yeah iono i think ive changed...like it use to be hard for me to express how i feel..but now i can just tell them and not worry bout it ...yeah and good thing i figured that out cuz its good to get things off my shoulders and have a real answer!! haha yeah
======================================================
When I was told you were single I began looking your way.
When I was told you noticed me, I hoped this moment would stay.
When I was told you liked me, My heart seemed to glow.
When I was told you u wer my love,I knew I couldn't let you go.
When I was told you made yer decision,It made me want to cry.
When I was told by others that i had wasted me time ,It made me want to die.
But now that its over and you found love in her arms,
I was told you had a new girl,And I just laughed aloud.
the memories of you arosed in my head
i hid things for awhile and finally broke down...
even though its hard to admit that i still have feelins fo you..
but den again who wouldnt wen u thought u had a love that was true
========================================================
If you cant get someone off your mind maybe its because theyre supposed to be there..
xoxo
xoxo at 11:52 PM
Sunday, December 21, 2003
----------------------------------Never Lettin Go----------------------------------------
feelin-got no clue
bumpin-Amanda Perez- Never
watching- music videos online lol
wishing- to go back in time
Quote- nothing last forever
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay..very boring odd day..
i woke up at like 10 (I noe first time ever woke up early) went to the kitchen made breakfast =] ate and watched some football..den went to my room ..and sat on the floor listening to alicia keys old cd...and like wrote for an hour...i sware for some reason i relate to that cd so much..tears..but then i got up and i wanted to go runnin but was to lazy to actually get up ...so i went to watch mo football..den took a shower..den watched football..den javier and jason wer in are family room..uhm watchin football?? haha i made nachos and went to my roOm and sat and thought then like fast forward me and my brother actually were gettin along! haha he was buggin me so i hit him and den like he was singing and im like wtf den he did his wrestlin moves...so i learned some wrestlin techniques...haha yeah and den he taught me how to play counter strike hahaha NICE!! and then ..i busted out a cd and he was singin and den he grabbed me and attacked me with axe!! i smell like boy!!! oh jees yeah it was hillarious...yeah..den he left and now im here online..neways..trisa made me happy today!! yeah she showed me that im actually loved in this world ..smiles
i came to a conclusion...and i guess u can say this is one of my ecperiments and i noe hald of u are goin to go..yer stupid fo puttin yerself in a situation like this...but after having two whole days to myself i came to the conclusion..that im not ready to let go..after writing the things i hate i ended it with..and i also hate the fact that i dont hate you at all and i never will...and the end of my story i ended as...and as times goes by ill never let go...and h ope these feelin show later on...yeah...crazy...o wel..ig i get hurt it wont be the first ryte? yep yep iono least i aint confused now..just go on wit my days like they were...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lyrics:
I wish that I could turn back the hands of time
Cause if I wouldv'e knew your love was like this
Back then I wouldv'e made you mine
If I had to die a thousand times a day
I would do it for you, just to take
The pain that I have given you away
Cause I love you and I never want to
And I'll never let you go, no, no, no
I love you so
And I'll get on both my knees and I'll beg you please
Will you spend the rest of your life with me
Cause I never Want to let you go
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
okay so yeah..tommarow is the start of vacation...haha cant wait? wel i hope it is for some reason i like it wen no one is home...dat means ppl come over haha ya ryte...wel i hope my mom doesnt stay home! it would ruin my day!! okay..so im out..
xoxo always and forever-
liss
xoxo at 10:09 PM
----------------------------aInt so PerFect--------------------------------------------------------
feeling: eh
bumpin: Simple Plan- Perfect
wearing: jeans and a shirt
watching: rich girlS =P
wishinG: fo huGs
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hym...i kind ain one of those lost moods yeah...its been quiet and i cant do nething cuz are house is boring!! yeah ive been sitting in my room writing and sleeping all daY! nice...wel my dad left so i had a chance to go online and watch tv..yeah i watched some rich girls..lol its really interesting seeing other lives and yet there depressed as well!..yeah iono im weird then i got up and made nachos!! dey were the best nachos ive ever made! yeah my mom sick haha thats wa she gets..but neways..last night was like really weird..i was like mad for no reason..
like i think i got mad and really depressed after listenin to this one song...so like i took a piece of paper and wrote every reason i hated a certain person (thanks holly fo da advice) and then i wrote a story from day one till like the end..iono it helped i guess but im still stuck like i dont want to let go but i gues si have no choice anymore..iono i hope break helps alot...a whole 16 days to myself...yeah..whoot..
my friends dont love me ! i realzied that sometimes with certain people that i was being used only by one comment i heard...yeah iono o wel fuck them ryte?
wel there not much to write..jsut that im bored....and to lazy to do nething...
xoxo-liss
xoxo at 3:10 PM
Friday, December 19, 2003
------------------------FREEDOM--------------------------------------------------------------------
feeling: realized-happy yet sad--
bumping:
wishing: to have winter break but yet get to see the ppl u want to see..
wearin: pj bottoms and a tank
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ahh today was a definite sign the xmas is here...i seriusly wanna thank everyone...aww u guys r liek the coolest!! i loved everything got me seriously!! yea love you guys muahs!! wel yeah..i could barly carry everything..i felt loved..yeah
the day started out like this...
woke up at 5 am got ready packed the car with gifts and went to school got there at 550 and blake was there and me and her talked haha yeah hym den we were off to decorate the gym for the rally which was pretty gay!! yeah kinda sad i think we needed to plan a whole lot more..but alot of things we planned we couldnt do so w/e yeah wel i went through the classes and like 1st period we took a quiz and i think we passed wit me fred and mia together are brain equal one normal person haha jk..yeah went to 2nd watch some video..iono it was a weird video..lol and in 3rd i sware urgh some people are really really stupid!! like that dont noe wen to shut up...i sware tahts why we always get in trouble!! o wel we took a quiz hell yeah i better have at least got a B+ or higher haha yea the question were ryte from the examples in the book..yeah den off to the rally..den lunch we had to mop the floor!! haha so we got 2nd lunch..which is always good! got to miss 4th and got extra time to chill! lol yeah den 5th we had a sub..we think my stoklee died haha or went to florida!! haha lazy ass..wel den cheer. I HATED it..i sware renee makes me soooooooo mad iono her attitude is not needed at certain tiems and she doesnt respect anyone..w/e! ok wel after was pretty tyte..like class ended and like all the cheerleader gave me more gifts i was like holy crap...wel yeah so i could barly walk up the stairs! yeah wel like den went to mrs lovette rooms omg BOOGE AND LOVETTE are the coolest..they got us the cutest things in the whole world..i love it!! lol ok wel yeah...den off we go..we decided to put r gifts in trashbags haha wel i got a ride from celeste and jason came along..it was sooo funny..yeah jason sometiems has a sense of humor lol wel neways i got in the house and i got yelled at for my room and i walked out and went with celeste and holly and trisa to the mall haha went shopin fo celeste..yeah..den uhm alot of new jokes now haha ITS NOT MY FAULT! lol neways...i got home and OMFG!!!!! i walk in and i go in the family room and there a new fuckin TV i sware its like as tall as my room to the floor and liek it liek a movie screen TV its so tyte! my grandpa got it for us haha its like WHOA BIG...nice so now everyone can come over and watch movies!! haha just giv me a call =] yeah den i had to show my parentals wa ppl got me haha hell no i didnt show them wat fred got me haha I LVOE IT FRED!! lol neways..wel iwalked through the rest of the hosue and all the computers and tvs were gone and my dad like ..melissa were giving u this computer!! yay!! so i get to keep the good comp! and liek he said if i cleaned my room (since its gettin redid) then i can have sateliTe televison in my room...dang ill b livin in my room pretty soon! lol neways..im still grounded sucks but watever dont give a shit i can tell my dad trying to make up for it all..o wel not givin in..just sit and nauD..wel winter break is here? should i be happy i dont got school? wel im relived! yeah...but ima miss alot people!! cant wait till Jan 5tH! cuz then 2 more days till my SWEET 16 (JANUARY 7) haha yeah wel iono we best all go out after my grounding haha wel ..im gettin tired of type so ill speak lata
xoxo-- liss
happy holidays =P
xoxo at 9:48 PM
Thursday, December 18, 2003
-------LOVES LOST HOPE--------------------
feelin: stressed
bumpin: CHristmas Song- Stacie Orrico (YEP GOT TO GET IN THE XMAS SPIRIT!)
wishing: for everything the way it was last week...and alot more but no point in wishin cuz i noe it aint goin to happen =[
wearing: pj bottoms and a sweatshirt =P
========================================================
ive been feelin alot of pressure and shit...iono im lost like yeah my life starting to have a pattern! yea...happy sad depressed gone happy sad depressed gone..iono watever? all i got to say is..fuck december 17 as wel..
today was okay..mrs olsen yelled at me mia and friederike due to we talk to much and we have to giv her an answer why we should sit were we are tomarrow BS haha yeah watever the rest of the day went smooth i guess u can say..im keepin quiet not much to say any more..but yeah after school my mom took me an dmy bro to turners..yeah den we got home and i avoided the dad and made some spanish cookies for Extra Credit then uhm went to driving school..lol its was iight i met a guy named robert lol nice and the girl i metthe first day samantha pretty nice..its fun meeting ppl u dont noe..its so weird cuz the guy that sits in front of me noes allen and mikey! ahh i miss them...to many memories..dont wanna fall back..yeah wel left driving school and den went to uhm borders to get freds book haha den off to stater brothers and then home to finish wrappin presents..yeah iono to much fuckin things to carry and i havent even studied fo my tests yet fuDge! o wel..F? yeah its goin to be a long night..
and if u didnt noticed im grounded!! urgh fuckin parentals..i sware for the gayest reason so i basically go online wen no ones home or my dad sleeping..so yeah cant go out on weekends..nor talk on the phone AHHHH i noe and it sucks cuz it first weekend of winter break MO FO!! okay yea..thanks ryan fo bringin me the cookies=] they made me feel better yeah..
yeah wel xmas is almost here i kinda dont want it go come but i guess i got to find some spirit ryte? iono not ogin to be anything special this year i can feel it already..fightings had already started and the love aint in the air so yea wel ima go not much to say.
xoxo at 10:56 PM
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
---------------------- New Lessons-------------------------------------------
Feeling:
If you could see the fountain of tears from my eyes
if you could hear my empty midnight cries
if you could see my body tremble in sorrow
if you come back the key to my heart ill let you borrow
if you felt my pain,ud go insane
but if you saw what this is doing to me youd drop to the floor and wheep
cuz you never knew u had the power to control someones heart this deep
it would hurt you inside to know how bad i mourn
and how bad my heart was injured with the tip of your thorn
But ill try to keep up my head
so you dont see inside the tears i'v shed
Cuz i dont want to put u through the pain im feelin
cuz i liked u mo as i saw u
and soon my heart will be healin
and i know we might never again be dealin
so through this poem
i hope iv shown you how im feelin
Bumpin--Monica- So Gone
Wishing- to actually go through a frikin day w/o feelin ill never get those feelins again
Quote-- its alrite..tears dont go on forever..
______________________________________________________________
all n all theres not much to say...as again the story ends bad...whats new you think that id understand or actually not fall so hard by now...but w/e ive fallen and now im here back to were i was...in a fuckin "this is how i will deal w/o dying" modes..yeah iono..kinda knew things were to good to be true...
i found out today im a worst friend then i was yesterday one more thing to brighten up my day
yeah watever all n all.... fuck December 16th
___________________________________________________________________
I sit here in my room
lonely on my bed
remembering all of the things
that you and i have said
As a tear rolls down my cheek
and you crush my heart in two
I still remain sitting
and always loving you
If you could only see me
see my heart in pain
then maybe you'd reconsider
cause in my heart ....you will remain
Why is it i can't get over you?
How is it you have control?
you don't know how badly you'v hurt me
my heart now has a hole
So i'll dream of you forever
forever it will b
and you shall always remain
A silent part of me
xoxo at 5:31 PM
Monday, December 15, 2003
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
iono why i feel the way i feel ryte now its just urgh..i was all in a hyper mood but i guess not anymor emaybe cuz i was left with my thoughts and thats what sucks cuz i always think negative! fuck okay i almost got slapped across the face...yeah i was arguing with my mom..and urgh i honestly hate my family..my frikin adopted brother fuckin told my mom i talk to college guys..so my mom got all fuckin anal and was like"you arent allowed to talk on the phone anymore till 1 in the mornign yournot allowed to talk on the interenet" im like fine lock me up in my room and let me have no frikin life! why dont u send me to frikin all girl school..fuck!! then seh was like all yellin i sware urgh pisses me off then shes like melissa you dont tell me anythign and im like maybe cuz i dont want you in my life...urgh then i slammed the door and den she opened it and started yellin and im like dont talk to me den she threw shit yelled more and watever...urgh i hate being home..
ok i wrote this thing bout love...iono its like a uhm methaphor haha emily inspired me to write it due to baseball lol but its kinda tells the feelings like straight forwards...
it all started out to be like a homerun out of the park worldseries type of feelings...but later it started to become a worl series 9th inning..down by one ..your up 2 outs ...1 strike..2 strike..3 strikes..your out losin thin game type of feelings...
i was listen to my emily talk about umhum and it made me sad cuz like iono i miss things that way they use to be like..the smiles that made u feel all special and warm inside the smile to noe that u love/like someone and the love/like you back type of emotions..xXBrOwNsUgAr12Xx: i was like smiling forever....iono for some reaosn things changed..and now its not like the same...ive listen to what people said and i guess i have to live to pmake them happy...but yet im not ready to let go..im surprised i got this far on my own and thats why its hard to let go...really is..like i understand some aspects of it ..but i dont feel like fallen without someone catching me and..i think ive already fallen....all i can say this winter break is sure going to b lonley! i was tellin holly how like i dont want to have the feelin of being alone the next 2 weeks and alone meaning..knowing someones there that likes u for u and wants to be with you..the one that makes you smile and can talk to forever to and the one u can just cuddle wit yeah that type of alone.. owel spending the holidays gettin lazier and lazier..yeah but iono...all i can say is..i dont want to admit that i wasted my time..no way..
wel up in the friends jello..iono i guess u kinda get use to it by now..cant change people and what they believe...i cant change someones mind on suicide so instead of tellin them not to do it i just say im here for u wen u need me...i cant agree upon everything but then again i see no point of me living here anymore either..wakin up everyday has been hell knowing u lost everything and u have nothing to wake up for anymore...you go through the day and u see thing snad u think why am i here..type of things iono...watever...i guess there only one way to take pain away w/o killin yerself? ryte like again....love is just like a CUT ..it HEALS but always leaves a SCAR..yeah..wel people seem to b iight iono gossip had shut down..and i guess wer all gettin along ryte? or trying i kinda feel sad for someone people but i lvoe them and wer all goin to get through the difficult times soon enough...yeah wel...hopefully..
i cant believe theres 10 mo days till xmas..thats crazy that means 23 days till sweet 16! haha nice...wel yeah...i think im done for writing today..
xoxo at 10:00 PM
[Callin it: ..everything SuxS when yeR gonE...]
[Feelin- hyper!..]
[Bumpin-Mya-Fallen]
[wishin- for a long hug!!]
[Wanting: a long hug..]
[Lazin in: shorts and a halter =] haha i noe seKsi!]
[Quote: ive been everywhere in the world and u seem to b the only one that makes me alrite]
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
whew..im in the best mood iono why!...lol okay wel this weekend was kinda gay but i dont care lol yeah yesterday i did uhm...nothing i woke up at like 2! haha i think i needed the sleep =] yeah wel den my mom made me breakfast! haha and den we went to gLObe and downtown poMOna! nice and off to the grocery store...haha its funny the grocery store (ralphs) has like nothign there kinda sLackIN! haha yeah watebas...ewl got home did nothing fo the rest of the day yeah...ok wel today was pretty nice...woke up ..did the usual den in zero we did buddy letters..haha oh joy..iris says im a drug addict..haha nice.. she noticed..lol jk
in first---mayn was that tyte...lol dude dried ice + Bottle= EXPLOSION haha me and friederike got some plans now lol goin get her ryte fred! lol yeah that was tyte i didnt noe u could do that something wit the pressure but it was cool and wer goin to boil water wit a vacume haha my idea!! NICE!!
in second..uhm did nothing haha we learned uhm how to hook up later on haha and joey and i were stealin matts stuff cuz he frikin got all my bravos!!
third--urgh im starting to hate this class more..my grade is the same !! every single time!! i sware i give up! yeah i got a C+ on my test and i would of gotten a B if he wasnt an ass and let me have the order pair yeah o well...
lunch- it was nice haha alot of laughs,.. "duh what do u expect" "dont duh me" haha "christina did u just say dont duh me" lol good times...yeah...dude clara wanna chill? FUCK Y OU haha u never call me wen u do lol jk got to hook up =]
fourth- haha nice we played pony and dog or watever..we had to rpetend ot be good students cuz eichen was gettin examined by the assistant principle- still good times lol he didnt noe my name! how sad!!! he said my name was michelle..no not really..i can tell i particpate alot mroe so yeah and i found out im an ETHOS type of person haha nice..
fifth- haha SUB! yeah holyl says im not a good friend..said i tarnished are friendship cuz i wouldnt tell her who i liked and i used blackmail..ok no! haha im a good friend..fine u dont think im a good friend holly then ill go in a hole !
sixth and ptactice- ok WTF wer learnin a fuckin routin to the song..SPACE JAM!! omg EMBARASSING!! haha the routine is ..uhm okay? yeah jsut hate wen roc frikin walks in out of no where and ruins it!! yeah wel advice do not go to bbelle!! haha yeah after prac.everyone left me haha i talked xtina mom to takin ehr to driving classes and i talkin to kevin and da other assholes on the soccer team and aileen..watever..dont want to explain..ok
wel manana is..first driving class and then i take the permit test whoot whoot cant wait till i drive haha =] yeaH
on the love triangle..its on a flat board..nothin big nothing small..but watever gots to live the rest of the days like nothing is bothering me yep but you noe its good to b loved and to actually be loved back..hym..yeah
wel i shall talk lata
xoxo at 6:15 PM
Sunday, December 14, 2003
[Callin it: ..ranDom...]
[Feelin- straight calm!-]
[Bumpin-Mya-Fallen]
[wishin- to uhmhum]
[Wanting: you]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]
================================================
wel today was pretty normal actually..im mor elike in a neutral stage so thats good!
okay wel i woke up at 9 listenin to my mom askin me where my xmas list was..iono so i went bak to sleep and like woke up at 11 nobody was home..so i speant an hour finihin the driver handbook den took a nap...after that i got up and went outside to hang some lights and guess who was out in the neighbors yard..ryan and raymond! they made me happy! yeah so i talked wit them for a lil while..den went to go hang lights cuz at that point my bro came home ..wel i hung lghts then came inside to go wrap presents cuz hey we got a tree as well..so wrapped everyones presents and den came online and was makin anotha cmas list..den my dad calls me to go help him den came back talked to my special friends and took a shower after that..got ready and went to alicias party..haha wel we got there and like no one was really there nd a couple mo ppl came and the DJ came and omg he was just either playin a CD or the radio..it was whacK! ok wel me n cel wer just sittin der talkin and we decided hey why not throw a party fo are birthdays!! haha of course =] so we myte be throwin something on lata..yeah wel like it got a lil boring so we called up jose and he acme and picked us up and we chilled at his casa with all the kickback people..yeah it was fun =] first thing i did was took off the high heels! my feet wer frozeN haha phil warmed them till he figured out he was gettin cold yep ///yeah its really odd like..how i liked a guy fo a whole year didnt really talk and now he bascially sits on me and talks..very odd..but thats the past yea found a new love and now time to move on..wel watever..i also came to conclusion that ive been hiding like 2 things that i just now realized..and now ihave 2 secrets so hah! haha yeah..iono its weird but im glad i can finally admit it!! wel im not going to tell u dem at the moment so yeah hym im not even tired! yeah ima have tons of energy tonight haha wel yeah ..
wit an x nd an o-
liss
xoxo at 12:47 AM
Friday, December 12, 2003
[Callin it: ..back to square 1...]
[Feelin- lost nd confused!-]
[Bumpin-Mya-Fallen]
[wishin- iono nemore]
[Wanting: iono nemore]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]
[QuotE: ..i had fallen head ova heel..and i cant get up i dont want to get up.]
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
morning:
woke up 630..to go to starbucks at 730 wit cel n hol..wel they werent there waited fo 20 mins and left...went home to watch some TV..went to school..got to school and good thing sami brought me starbucks {thankie sami!} yeah wel den da day went like this:
first period-we did nothing but a quiz..an experiment which was cool mr marquez had a little firework experiment wit fire..nice..
second period- i did nothing but write letters and homework..and talk to jolene michelle and emily =]
third period- what can i see i hate that class!! yeah wel went and took the quiz again..yeah o wel i think i did okay? iono i think its stupid how he graded it already and i wasnt even finished watever..
lunch- it was iight ate wit da homettes..we just chilled at a table haha finally and had laughs
fourth- had a sub..haha again..but it was his girlfriend so it was iight..we just did a worksheet..i must haev not been paying attention in that class cuz i didnt even realize the bell had rung fo lunch so yea...
fifth- wel walkin to 5th was funny of course walkin wit clara duh haha she said these lyrics fo mariah carey and we were singing them but it was just like 5 words and we kept repeating them haha it was funny and den we took a new direction on gettin to clase..wel stoklee class is always boring..uhm wrote notes the whole period and sat and thought..
sixth-cheer it was okay..we exchanged gifts thanks jamie!!! yeah got some nice gifts this week =] haha yeah wel we were all nosiy and roc got mad so she made us sit one person per table haha and b quiet and do homework..HAHA NO wen seh walked out of course we disobeyed =]
After school- it was iight hung out wit chris for awhile den mi hermano and billy came and we were talkin bout plans fo tonight and shit den we left and walked down and went home..
got home and we put up xmas lights haha iono wer not done it got dark fast! yeah wel we got half them up =] yeah..now im here and im sick and i dont feel good so i cant do anything =[ o well i kinda need that time off i guess cuz riote now i hate life..and i wish i wasnt livin it but i got no choice
i fell head ova heel fo you-
let my feelers out to some ppl today..they gave me suggestions but iono..its confsuing and im lost and i dont noe wa to do cuz i wanna noe why this shit always happens to me! yeah wel watever i guess i was meant to feel this way and iono i wuold like to noe why im here...ryte now im lettin go of all the feelins i had for people cuz yeah whonoes..wel last night i fell asleep crying and my doggie laid next to me..yeah i guess doggies know whats going on ..kinda cool at least someone was there fo me riote? yeah wel..regardless...
xoxo-liss
====================================================
So many times I look at you
And wonder what I should do
Sometimes it’s just so hard to let go
you are the one for me I know
You have no clue of how I feel
Sometimes life just doesnt feel real
I want to cry all the time
Only because you are not mine
This pain of mine won’t go away
But in a way I wish Itd stay
For if it stays then I hold on to you
and then you might come back too
I don’t want anyone else but you
No one even compares what do I do?
No matter how hard I try
you always stay on my mind
So I will keep on dreaming at night
and dream of you, my Mr. Right
And my only wish could be
that you are also dreaming of me
So many times I look at you
And wonder what I should do
Sometimes it’s just so hard to let go
you are the one for me I know
=======================================================
To tell you I don’t love you
Would be the hugest lie
And if I ever say that
Then I’d want to die
If I ever hurt you
And make you want to cry
If I ever hurt you
Then I’d want to die
I love you very dearly
All though you’re not mine
As long as I know your ok
Then I’ll be fine
xoxo at 8:47 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2003
[Callin it: ..anotha loss...]
[Feelin- tears ruN down slowly!-]
[Bumpin-Mariah Carey-Bringing On The Heartbreak]
[wishin- iono nemore]
[Wanting: iono nemore]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]
[QuotE: ..i guess things change..]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well..wat can i say..i knew it was coming..i guess i wasnt prepared fo it to come this soon..lets start off wit da good i guess...
woke up at 645 i was suppose to wake up at 530..iono wa happened..but i rushed out the house fo celeste present..happy sweet 16 celeste i hope you had a good day..ok wel the day went on like normal melted ice in 1st..it rained after 2nd..but whats so depressing ryte now..i noe everytime i see rain its goin to make me sad...watever..3rd crabtree is an ass go ahead i wish he kills me wit a sledgehammer like he said he would..i dont really care to listen to wa he has to say ne more..went to lunch and it was okay..4th was iight learned some things i guess? theres a sub manana..oh joy hopefully we get 2 lunches..yeah wel den 5th arrive of course ..duh went to the assembly..lot of laughs..starting the wave..yeah..den off to 6..stupid christina pushed me into the giant! dow..ok and we just wer in 6 did nothing cuz we didnt hav a teacher..nice..yeah..wel after that i walked wit christina and tried to find fred and diana so we can jump them didnt work then i hung with holly..yeah in the cold..we slept on the table cuz we were waiting fo celeste nd trisa to come back for there game yea i noe like 3 hours wait..yea wel den we went to go talk wit ag..den yeah den manda and nica came..den yeah plan got screwed but we end up takn cel to dinner and ice cream..den walk through the door knowing drama was coming...yeah..iono its hard fo me to write it cuz its hard fo me to admit i was wrong..all i can say i guess is i knew things were too good to be true.. and maybe i should of listened to people but yea watever....i called nick..im wasting my money to call a friend ingeorigia.. but im glad i called him and im glad he tried cheerin me up and i cant wait fo you to come to cali..yeah iono the time i need people fo support there all asleep! so watever i got my lil blog..yea wel if im out of it dont ask just show love...
xoxo-xasha
thought i dried up all my tears..but i guess i got mo to spare..
xoxo at 11:27 PM
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
[Callin it: ..FrEeZin...]
[Feelin- dazED?!-]
[Bumpin-Alicia Keys-You Dont Know My Name]
[wishin- rain!]
[Wanting: you!!]
[Lazin in: jeans and a shirt]
[QuotE: ..until the day i die..i spill my heart for you..]
_____________________________________________________________
WHEW what a day...
woke up at 615-showered did the normal morning shit...got to asb and uhm worked on tnothing,,interesting talks though..iono i guess i kinda say things cuz thats wa ppl want me to say you no wa i mean? haha wel it was iight first was uhm weird..are lab was MELTING ICE! haha nothing exciting! went off to 2nd..den 3rd took a test going to faiL! haha lunch was iighT 4th had a sub mr eichens girlfriend haha nice.den off to 5th and omfg got an A on my test haha..NICE =] yeah and i made the teacher frustrated everyone tell her she had a pet horse! haha shes gets so frustrated its hillarious i cant stop laughin wen i talk about her and her horse haha okay..off to 6th what a waste of my fuckin time!!! urgh ok watever i guess it was just pointless..yeah then i was freezin most of the day..haha but it was iight bit off people warmness =] yea den after school uhm made posters with holly! and i had the feelin where you wanna sit and cry cuz u got all the thigns runnin through head and they aint good but u cant cry..yeah..i felt like that ALL DaY...yeah wel i took it out on poster makin..u noe inhaling those fumes..nice..yeah not then bball came and uhm me and sam worked the back door really interesting conversations..cept shes mad at me for wa i did to myself but it aint my fault but she went off and did it to herself URGH ok yea yeah sam thinks im on something haha iono she said i wasnt being myself..i was ike whoa and i was like looked tired but liked alarmed! haha iono its weird i kinda feel like that whatevas..den i found a new way to make a noise haha nice so i was doin it and vince told me to stop it was distractin there players yeah wateva..now im here..and iono i feel emotionless! im really confused and of these days ima end up get stuck and it b my fault for carryin it out for so long..o well thats me...
DONT FORGET:
TOMMAROW IS MY MEJOR AMIGA CELESTE SWEET 16 haha yay!
love ya cel-
k im outs--
xoxo-Xasha
xoxo at 9:24 PM
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
me bein lazy...
iight well all n all my day sucked...ok i woke up at 3 am choking i sware to go i was so pist..like my throats acids wer invadin or something i could barly even breathe cuz i was caughin so much so it took me forever to find a drink and pills..wel afta 30 mins i grab a throat launges and slept and my mom woke me up at 630 and my throat drop was still dissolving..yeah so like i wasnt feelin good so i went back to bed..wel 2nd period rolled around and i got ready fo da day..went to school middle of 2nd yep..wel went off to thrid and it was a drag..did nothing..and dne lunch..wasnt feelin really good but o wel..went to fourth had a sub..Many laughs..lol yeah he wouldnt let us go to 2nd lunch though went to 5th...boring..cept i was gettin on eeklots nerves haha..did your horse drink florida swamp water...i couldnt stop laughin..ok den 6.it was iight..kinda just did wateva..stuntin..ok bell ring and we had a soph meetin fo SADiEs! yay even though prolli workin it =[ yeh it should be cool though cant wait..yeah wel den went off wit da cheer folks and we wer hungry so we decided to have some PiZza delivered haha nice..and yea did some random cheer non sense..bonding..ok den had to cheer fo some WrAstlin..lol cant really cheer! but omg..wrestin...it is not fun to b soo daymn close and have to watch some of those boys in some tyte spandex and den yea..you get the point...lol yeah wle den micheal blair got me subway =] NO i will not go do wa u want me to do gEEz! ok den went to work on CC banquet wit trisa and holly had alotta talkin..now im here feelin like shit..and want to like go lay down and sleep butt cant.. o well...wel ima out my thing being updated that why ders no music and im not feelin good to go in depth.
xoxo at 9:10 PM
Monday, December 08, 2003
-XOXO XASHA-
xoxo at 9:36 PM
